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by Lord Dunsany [Edward John Plunkett] DRAMATIS PERSONAE JOHN BEAL Notables, soldiers, Bishareens, dancers, etc. IF ACT I SCENE I A small railway station near London. BERT 'Ow goes it, Bill? BILL Goes it? 'Ow d'yer think it goes? BERT I don't know, Bill. 'Ow is it? BILL Bloody. BERT Why? What's wrong? BILL Wrong? Nothing ain't wrong. BERT What's up then? BILL Nothing ain't right. BERT Why, wot's the worry? BILL Wot's the worry? They don't give you BERT Why? You been on the carpet, Bill? BILL Ain't I! Proper. BERT Why, wot about, Bill? BILL Wot about? I'll tell yer. Just coz I let BERT Wot? The other day? BILL Yes. BERT Tuesday? BILL Yes. BERT Why. The one that dropped her bag? BILL Yes. Drops 'er bag. Writes to the com- BERT I wouldn't, Bill; don't you. BILL I will. BERT Don't you, Bill. You've got your family BILL Well, anyway, I won't let any more of BERT Well, I wouldn't stop one, not if... BILL I don't care. They ain't going to 'ave me [Noise of approaching train heard.] BERT Ay, that's her. BILL And shut goes the door. [Enter JOHN BEAL.] BERT Wait a moment, Bill. BILL Not if he's . . . Not if he was ever so. JOHN [preparing to pass] Good morning. . . . BILL Can't come through. Too late. JOHN Too late? Why, the train's only just in. BILL Don't care. It's the rule. JOHN 0, nonsense. [He carries on.] BILL It's too late. I tell you you can't come. JOHN But that's absurd. I want to catch my BILL It's too late. BERT Let him go, Bill. BILL I'm blowed if I let him go. JOHN I want to catch my train. [JOHN is stopped by BILL and pushed BILL Only doing my duty. [JOHN stops and reflects at this, deciding JOHN I shouldn't be surprised if I didn't get even Curtain SCENE 2 [Curtain rises on JOHN and MARY in JOHN I say, dear. Don't you think we ought to MARY An acacia, what's that, John? JOHN O, it's one of those trees that they have. MARY But why, John? JOHN Well, you see the house is called The Aca- MARY O, I don't think that matters. Lots of JOHN MARY O, no, it wouldn't, dear. He wouldn't JOHN Quite right, Mary, you're always right. MARY Have I, John? We'll plant an acacia if JOHN MARY No, but he's sure to know where it can be JOHN Where do they grow, Mary? MARY I don't know, John; but I am sure they do, JOHN Somehow I wish sometimes, I almost wish MARY 0, would you really, John? JOHN No, not really. But I just think of it MARY Where would you have gone? JOHN 0, I don't know. The East or some such MARY The East, John? Not the East. I don't JOHN O well, it's all right, I never went, and MARY [the photographs catching her eye] O, John, I meant to tell you. Such a dread- JOHN What, Mary? MARY Well, Liza was dusting the photographs, JOHN Ask her not to look at it so hard another MARY 0, what do you mean, John? JOHN Well, that's how she broke it; she said so, MARY Well, I can't think she'd tell a lie, John. JOHN No, of course not. But she mustn't look MARY And it's poor little Jane's photograph. JOHN 0, that's all right, we'll get it mended. MARY Still, it's a dreadful thing to have happened. JOHN We'll get it mended, and if Jane is unhappy MARY She isn't, John. She'd notice it quick. Well, George, then. JOHN MARY [looking at photo thoughtfully] Well, perhaps George might give up his JOHN Yes, tell Liza to change it. Why not make MARY Not to-day, John. Not on a Sunday. JOHN All right. It might have been worse. MARY It's bad enough. I wish it hadn't happened. JOHN It might have been worse. It might have MARY I'd sooner it had been her than poor little JOHN If it had been Aunt Martha's photograph MARY But, John, how could she have known? JOHN I don't know, but she would have; it's a MARY John! JOHN What's the matter? MARY John! What a dreadful word you used. JOHN 0, I'm sorry. It slipped out somehow. [Enter LIZA.] LIZA There's a gentleman to see you, sir, which MARY Not a gentleman! Good gracious, Liza! LIZA He's black. MARY Black? JOHN [reassuring] O . . . yes, that would be Ali. A queer MARY But what is he doing here, John? JOHN Well, one day he turned up in London; MARY Fifty pounds! JOHN Yes, it seems a lot; but it seemed only fair. MARY Well, he doesn't want more? TOHN No, I expect he's come to thank me. He MARY How did he trace you here? JOHN 0, got the address at the office. Briggs MARY I don't like letting people in that you don't JOHN 0, he comes from the East. MARY Yes, I--I know. But the East doesn't seem JOHN No. MARY It's not like Sydenham or Bromley, some JOHN Perhaps just for once, I don't think there's MARY Well, just for once. But we can't make a JOHN 0, it isn't business, you know. He only MARY I hope he won't say it in some queer JOHN 0, no. Show him up, Liza. LIZA As you like, mum. MARY And you gave him fifty pounds? JOHN Well, old Briggs agreed to it. So I suppose MARY It seems a lot of money. But I think, as [Enter ALI, shown in by LIZA.] ALI Protector of the Just. JOHN 0, er--yes. Good evening. ALI My soul was parched and you bathed it JOHN O, ah, yes. ALI Wherefore the name Briggs, Cater, and Beal JOHN Ha, yes. Very good of you. ALI [advancing, handing trinket] Protector of the Just, my offering. JOHN Your offering? ALI Hush. It is beyond price. I am not JOHN AS it came to you? ALI Yes, it was given me. JOHN I see. Then you had given somebody what ALI Not gold; it was in Sahara. JOHN 0, and what do you give in the Sahara ALI Water. JOHN I see. You got it for a glass of water, like. ALI Even so. JOHN And--and what happened? MARY I wouldn't take his only crystal, dear. ALI Even so. JOHN But look here, what does it do? ALI Much. JOHN Well, what? ALI He that taketh this crystal, so, in his hand, MARY John! JOHN I--I don't understand. ALI To-night you wish. All to-morrow you JOHN By Jove! MARY Have nothing to do with it, John. JOHN All right, Mary, I'm not going to. But, ALI Even so. JOHN Well, it seems odd, but I'll take your word ALI My master has power over time. MARY John, don't have anything to do with him. JOHN All right, Mary. But who is your master? ALI He is carved of one piece of jade, a god in JOHN Well, really, it's very good of you. MARY Good night, Mr. Ali. We are very much JOHN ALI Start early and you will be here before JOHN Would eight o'clock do! ALI You could be back by eleven that evening. JOHN I don't quite see how ten years could go ALI They will go as dreams go. Even so, it seems rather unusual, doesn't ALI Time is the slave of my master MARY John! JOHN All right, Mary. [In a lower voice.] I'm MARY All right, John, only . . . ALI Is there no step that you would wish un- JOHN I say, why don't you use it yourself? ALI I? I am afraid of the past. But you JOHN Ha, ha. Well--I wouldn't go quite as far MARY Don't take it, John! Don't take it. JOHN Why, Mary? It won't hurt me. MARY JOHN Well? MARY Why, you might never have met me. JOHN Never have met you? I never thought of MARY Leave the past alone, John. JOHN All right, Mary. I needn't use it. But I ALI Even so. MARY 0, don't do it, John. JOHN But you said--I'll be back here before ALI It is so. JOHN But the Governor of the Bank of England ALI The crystal will bring you to this house JOHN And if the house is not mine? MARY John! John! Don't. ALI Still you will come. JOHN Shall I remember? ALI No. JOHN If I want to do anything different to what MARY Don't. Don't do anything different, John. JOHN All right. ALI Choose just before the hour of the step JOHN Five minutes? ALI Even ten. JOHN Then I can change one thing. After that I ALI Even so. One thing. And the rest follows. JOHN Well, it's very good of you to make me this ALI Sell it not. Give it, as I gave it, if the heart JOHN It's very good of you, I'm sure. MARY I don't like it, John. I don't like tampering ALI My master's power is in your hands. [Exit.] JOHN I say, he's gone. MARY O, he's a dreadful man. JOHN I never really meant to take it. MARY 0, John, I wish you hadn't JOHN Why? I'm not going to use it. MARY Not going to use it, John? JOHN No, no. Not if you don't want me to. MARY O, I'm so glad. JOHN And besides, I don't want things different. [Points at frowning framed photograph You remember when she first came and MARY 0, John, wouldn't you really? JOHN No, I'm contented. Grim old soul, I MARY I'm glad of that, John. I was frightened. JOHN Yes, yes, that's all right. It's only a little MARY I'm so glad you're content, John. Are you JOHN Not a bit of it. Well, I may have at the MARY I'm so glad. And there's nothing you ever JOHN Nothing. And you? Is there nothing you MARY Me? Oh, no. I still think that sofa would JOHN Yes, so I would. No, there's nothing I MARY I don't suppose there's many men can say JOHN No, I don't suppose they can. They're [MARY smiles.] MARY I should think that very few could say JOHN Well, I won't say nothing. MARY What is it you regret, John? JOHN Well, there is one thing. MARY And what is that? JOHN One thing has rankled a bit. MARY Yes, John? JOHN O, it's nothing, it's nothing worth mention- What was it, John? MARY JOHN O, it seems silly to mention it. It was MARY JOHN O, well, if you want to know, it was once MARY JOHN Yes, I'd like to have caught that train in MARY What a brute of a man. JOHN 0, I suppose he was doing his silly duty. MARY He'd no right to do any such thing! He'd JOHN 0, well, never mind. MARY I should like to have been there. . . JOHN 0, well, it can't be helped now; but I'd MARY What is it? JOHN Can't be helped, I said. It's the very thing MARY Can be helped, John? Whatever do you JOHN I mean he'd no right to stop me catching MARY 0, John, that's what you said you wouldn't JOHN No. I said I'd do nothing to alter the past. MARY What were you going to catch the train JOHN For London. I wasn't at the office then. MARY John, it may alter your whole life! JOHN Now do listen, Mary, do listen. He never MARY N-no, John. Still, I don't like it. JOHN What difference could it make? MARY N-n-no. JOHN Think how we met. We met at ARCHIE's MARY JOHN Well, what? MARY I don't like it. JOHN 0, Mary, I have so longed to catch that MARY I'd rather you didn't, John. JOHN But why? MARY O, John, suppose there's a railway acci- JOHN There wasn't. MARY JOHN There wasn't an accident to the eight-fif- MARY Why, nor there was. JOHN You see how groundless your fears are. MARY Well, well then all right, John. JOHN And you will remember there wasn't an MARY [resignedly, sadly] O, yes, John. And you won't try to get JOHN No, Mary. I only want to catch that MARY Good night? JOHN I shall stay here on the sofa holding the MARY Thinking, John? What about? JOHN Getting it clear in my mind what I want MARY [sadly] Good night, John. JOHN Have supper ready at eleven. MARY Very well, John. JOHN [on the sofa, after a moment or two] I'll catch that infernal train in spite of him. [He takes the crystal and closes it up in I wish to go back ten years, two weeks and [Re-enter MARY in doorway.] MARY John! John! You are sure he did get JOHN Yes. Didn't he come to thank me for the MARY You are sure it wasn't ten shillings? JOHN Cater paid him, I didn't. MARY Are you sure that Cater didn't give him JOHN It's the sort of silly thing Cater would have MARY O, John! JOHN Hmm. Curtain
SCENE 3 Scene: As in Act I, Scene I. BERT 'Ow goes it, Bill? BILL Goes it? 'Ow d'yer think it goes? BERT I don't know, Bill. 'Ow is it? BILL Bloody. BERT Why, what's wrong? BILL Wrong? Nothing ain't wrong. BERT What's up, then? BILL Nothing ain't right. BERT Why, wot's the worry? BILL Wot's the worry? They don't give you BERT Why? You been on the carpet, Bill? BILL Ain't I ! Proper. BERT Why? Wot about, Bill? BILL Wot about? I'll tell yer. Just coz I let BERT Wot? The other day? BILL Yes. BERT? Tuesday? BILL Yes. BERT Why? The one that dropped her bag? BILL Yes. Drops 'er bag. Writes to the com- BERT I wouldn't, Bill; don't you. BILL I will. BERT Don't you, Bill. You've got your family BILL Well, anyway, I won't let any more of [Enter JOHN BEAL.] BILL [touching his hat] [JOHN does not answer, but walks to the Carry your bag, sir? JOHN [Exit through door.] BILL Ullo. BERT Somebody's been getting at 'im. BILL Well, I never did. Why, I knows the young BERT Pleasant spoken, ain't 'e, as a rule? BILL Never knew 'im like this. BERT You ain't bin sayin' nothing to 'im, 'ave BILL Never in my life. BERT Well, I never. BILL 'Ad some trouble o' some kind. BERT Must 'ave. [Train is heard.] BILL Ah, 'ere she is. Well, as I was saying . . . Curtain SCENE 4 In a second-class railway carriage. Time: Same morning as Scene I, Act I. Noise, and a scene drawn past the Occupants, JOHN BEAL, a girl, a man. All sit in stoical silence like the two MIRALDA CLEMENT Would you mind having the window open? THE MAN IN THE CORNER [shrugging his Er--certainly. [Meaning he does not mind. MIRALDA CLEMENT Thank you so much. MAN IN THE CORNER Not at all. [He does not mean to contradict MIRALDA CLEMENT Would you mind having it shut now? I MAN IN THE CORNER Certainly. [He shuts it. Silence again.] MIRALDA CLEMENT I think I'd like the window open again now MAN IN THE CORNER Well, I think it's very cold. MIRALDA CLEMENT 0, do you? But would you mind opening MAN IN THE CORNER I'd much rather it was shut, if you don't [She sighs, moves her hands slightly, and JOHN Allow me, madam. [He leans across the window's rightful MAN IN THE CORNER shrugs his shoul- MIRALDA 0, thank you so much. JOHN Don't mention it. [Silence again.] VOICES OF PORTERS [Off] Fan Kar, Fan Kar. [MAN IN THE CORNER gets out.] MIRALDA Could you tell me where this is? JOHN Yes. Elephant and Castle. MIRALDA Thank you so much. It was kind of you to JOHN O, very glad to assist you, I'm sure. Very MIRALDA I should have been afraid to have done it in JOHN O, that was nothing. O, it was, really. JOHN Only too glad to help you in any little way. MIRALDA It was so kind of you. JOHN O, not at all. [Silence for a bit.] MIRALDA I've nobody to help me. JOHN Er, er, haven't you really? MIRALDA No, nobody. I'd be very glad to help you in any little MIRALDA I wonder if you could advise me. JOHN I--I'd do my best. MIRALDA You see, I have nobody to advise me. JOHN No, of course not. MIRALDA I live with my aunt, and she doesn't under- JOHN O, er, er, really? MIRALDA No. And an uncle died and he left me a JOHN MIRALDA Yes. He didn't like me. I think he did it JOHN Was he? Was he really? MIRALDA Yes. It was invested at twenty-five per MIRALDA That was five years ago, and I've never got Really. But, but that's not right. MIRALDA [sadly] No. JOHN Where's it invested? MIRALDA In Al Shaldomir. JOHN Where's that? MIRALDA I don't quite know. I never was good at JOHN And what kind of an investment was it? MIRALDA There's a pass in some mountains that they JOHN And who gets it? MIRALDA The chief of the tribe. He is called Ben JOHN Do they? MIRALDA Yes, they get it from the rivers. JOHN I see. MIRALDA It does seem a shame his not paying, JOHN A shame? I should think it is. An awful MIRALDA Yes, he ought. But you see it's so hard JOHN I'd soon find him. I'd . . . Why, a man MIRALDA It is good of you to say that. JOHN Why, I'd . . . And you say you never MIRALDA No. JOHN Well, that is a shame. I call that a down- MIRALDA Now, what ought I to do? JOHN Do? Well, now, you know in business MIRALDA It is, isn't it? JOHN Still, I think you should go if you could. MIRALDA What would you do? JOHN I'd go and find that Hussein fellow; and MIRALDA Yes? JOHN Why, I'd tell him a bit about the law, and MIRALDA Would you really? JOHN Nothing would please me better. MIRALDA Would you really? Would you go all that JOHN It's just the sort of thing that I should like, MIRALDA We're getting into Holborn. Would you JOHN Gladly. I'd be glad to help. I've got to [Pause.] MIRALDA Can't you think? JOHN No. O, well, it can't have been so very MIRALDA Gratzenheim's. JOHN Right. What time? MIRALDA One-thirty. Would that suit? JOHN Perfectly. I'd like to get a man like Hus- [He hurries to open the door. Exit Now what was it I wanted to do after- [Throws hand to forehead.] Curtain ACT II SCENE JOHN'S tent in Al Shaldomir. There Six months have elapsed since the scene JOHN BEAL This god is holy. [He points to the left heap. DAOUD DAOUD Yes, great master. JOHN BEAL You are in no wise to call me great master. DAOUD Yes, great master. JOHN BEAL 0, go and get some more idols. Hurry. DAOUD Great master, I go. JOHN BEAL I can't make these people out. DAOUD [returning] I have three gods. JOHN BEAL [looking at their faces, pointing to DAOUD Yes, great master. JOHN BEAL Put them on the heap. [DAOUD does so, two left, one right.] Get some more. [DAOUD salaams. Exit.] [Looking at right heap.] What a--what a [Enter DAOUD with two idols.] JOHN BEAL [after scrutiny] This god is holy, this is unholy. [Enter ARCHIE BEAL, wearing a "Bow- Why, ARCHIE, this is splendid of you! ARCHIE BEAL Yes, I've come. Whatever are you doing? JOHN BEAL ARCHIE, it's grand of you to come! I never ARCHIE BEAL 0, that's all right. But what in the world JOHN BEAL ARCHIE, it's splendid of you. ARCHIE BEAL O, cut it. That's all right. But what's all JOHN BEAL 0, this. Well, well they're the very oddest ARCHIE BEAL 0, that's all right. But I want to know JOHN BEAL Well, ARCHIE, the fact of it is they're a real ARCHIE BEAL Well, what have you got 'em all in here JOHN BEAL Yes, that's just it. I hate interfering with ARCHIE BEAL Why do they offer them rats? JOHN BEAL 0, I don't know. They don't know either. ARCHIE BEAL Well, what are you putting them in heaps JOHN BEAL Because there's the other kind, the ones ARCHIE BEAL Rust? Yes, so there is. What do they JOHN BEAL They offer blood to them, ARCHIE. They ARCHIE BEAL How much blood it wants? Good Lord! JOHN BEAL The priests tell them. Sometimes they ARCHIE BEAL Why are they worse in spring? JOHN BEAL I don't know. The priests ask for more ARCHIE BEAL And you're stopping it? JOHN BEAL Yes, I'm stopping these. One must. I'm ARCHIE BEAL And they're obeying you? JOHN BEAL 'M, y-yes. I think so. ARCHIE BEAL You must have got a great hold over them. JOHN BEAL Well, I don't know about that. It's the ARCHIE BEAL The pass? JOHN BEAL Yes, that place you came over. It's the ARCHIE BEAL Yes, I suppose it is. But how does the pass JOHN BEAL It affects everything here. If that pass ARCHIE BEAL Yes, I know. JOHN BEAL Well, whoever owns that pass is everybody. ARCHIE BEAL And who does own it? JOHN BEAL Well, it's actually owned by a fellow called ARCHIE BEAL Not very good security. JOHN BEAL Well, you're wrong there. Hussein himself ARCHIE BEAL O, never mind that. Well, it all seems JOHN BEAL Well, I don't know, ARCHIE. Hussein ARCHIE BEAL But what? JOHN BEAL I don't know what he'll do. ARCHIE BEAL Wants watching, does he? JOHN BEAL Yes. And meanwhile I feel sort of re- DAOUD [off] Great master. JOHN BEAL Bring in some more gods. DAOUD Yes, great master. JOHN BEAL I can't get them to stop calling me absurd [Enter DAOUD.] ARCHIE BEAL He's got two big ones this time. JOHN BEAL [to ARCHIE] You see, there is rust about their mouths. [He points to R. heap, and DAOUD Bring in some more. DAOUD Great master, there are no more gods in JOHN BEAL It is well. DAOUD What orders, great master. JOHN BEAL Listen. At night you shall come and take DAOUD Yes, great master. JOHN BEAL You will do this, Daoud? DAOUD Even so, great master. JOHN BEAL I am sorry to make you do it. You are DAOUD JOHN BEAL But why are you sad, Daoud? DAOUD Great master, in times you do not know JOHN BEAL But they are bad gods, Daoud. DAOUD I am sad when the bad gods go. JOHN BEAL They must go, Daoud. See, there is no RESCAN 66-67 sible. If Hussein's lot turn nasty you don't ARCHIE BEAL He'll give 'em a drink, you mean. JOHN BEAL Don't, ARCHIE. There's no saying. And I ARCHIE BEAL Well, they can have my hat. It looks JOHN BEAL Well, now that you've come we can go ARCHIE BEAL Righto. What at? JOHN BEAL We've got to see Hussein's accounts, and ARCHIE BEAL But they don't keep accounts here. JOHN BEAL How do you know? ARCHIE BEAL Why, of course they don't. One can see JOHN BEAL But they must. ARCHIE BEAL Well, you haven't changed a bit for your JOHN BEAL Haven't changed? ARCHIE BEAL No. Just quietly thinking of business. JOHN BEAL But we must do business; that's what I ARCHIE BEAL You'll never make these people do it. JOHN BEAL Well, what do you suggest? ARCHIE BEAL Let's have a look at old Hussein. JOHN BEAL Yes, that's what I have been waiting for. DAOUD [off] Master. [Enters.] JOHN BEAL Go to the palace of the Lord of the pass [DAOUD bows and Exit.] [To ARCHIE.] I've sent him to the palace ARCHIE BEAL Lives in a palace, does he? JOHN BEAL Yes, it's a palace, it's a wonderful place. ARCHIE BEAL And you're going to teach him to keep JOHN BEAL Well, I must. I hate doing it. It seems ARCHIE BEAL Why, it's the greatest sport in the world. JOHN BEAL I don't see it that way. To me those idols ARCHIE BEAL I say, Johnny, tell me about the lady. Is JOHN BEAL What, Miss Miralda? Yes. ARCHIE BEAL But what I mean is--what's she like? JOHN BEAL Oh, I don't know. It's very hard to say. ARCHIE BEAL Yes, but I mean what kind of a person is JOHN BEAL Well, she's pretty hard up until she gets ARCHIE BEAL Yes, yes, go on. JOHN BEAL And yet somehow she sort of seems like a-- ARCHIE BEAL Lord above us! And what kind of a queen? JOHN BEAL 0, I don't know. Well, look here, ARCHIE, ARCHIE BEAL O, no. Go on. JOHN BEAL Well, I don't know, only she seemed more ARCHIE BEAL So you're not going to marry her? JOHN BEAL Marry her! Good Lord, no. Why, you'd ARCHIE BEAL Why not one like her? JOHN BEAL I tell you--she's a--well, a kind of goddess. ARCHIE BEAL Such what? JOHN BEAL Such infernal cheek. ARCHIE BEAL I see. Well, I see you aren't in love with JOHN BEAL I tell you I daren't. I'd as soon propose to ARCHIE BEAL Well, Johnny, I'm going to protect you JOHN BEAL Protect me from her? Why? ARCHIE BEAL Why, because there's lots of other girls JOHN BEAL But you haven't even seen her. ARCHIE BEAL Nor I have. Still, if I'm here to protect JOHN BEAL Well, and what then? ARCHIE BEAL What nonsense I'm talking. Fate does JOHN BEAL Yes, it's nonsense all right, ARCHIE, but . . . HUSSEIN [off] JOHN BEAL Be seen. [HUSSEIN enters. He is not unlike JOHN BEAL [pointing to ARCHIE] [ARCHIE shakes hands with HUSSEIN. HUSSEIN You desired my presence. JOHN BEAL HUSSEIN And I. JOHN BEAL The white traveller, whom we call Hinnard, HUSSEIN Even so. JOHN BEAL And this you have not yet had chance to HUSSEIN I do. JOHN BEAL And now Hinnard is dead. HUSSEIN Peace be with him. JOHN BEAL His heiress is Miss Miralda Clement, who HUSSEIN Peace be with Hinnard. JOHN BEAL You acknowledge your debt to this lady, HUSSEIN I know her not. JOHN BEAL You will not pay your debt? HUSSEIN I will pay. JOHN BEAL If you bring the gold to my tent, my HUSSEIN I do not pay to Miss Clement. JOHN BEAL To whom do you pay? HUSSEIN I pay to Hinnard. JOHN BEAL Hinnard is dead. HUSSEIN I pay to Hinnard. JOHN BEAL How will you pay to Hinnard? HUSSEIN If he be buried in the sea . . . JOHN BEAL He is not buried at sea. HUSSEIN If he be buried by any river I go to the god JOHN BEAL He is buried on land near no river. HUSSEIN Therefore I will go to a bronze god of JOHN BEAL But not before me. I am English. And ARCHIE BEAL What's that, Johnny? JOHN BEAL He won't pay, but I told him we're English ARCHIE BEAL That's right, Johnny. [HUSSEIN looks fiercely at ARCHIE. HUSSEIN [to the idol] [He bows. Exit.] ARCHIE BEAL What's that he's saying? JOHN BEAL [meditatively] ARCHIE BEAL He won't pay, oh? JOHN BEAL No, not to Miss Miralda. ARCHIE BEAL Who to? JOHN BEAL To one of his gods. ARCHIE BEAL That won't do. JOHN BEAL No. ARCHIE BEAL What'll we do? JOHN BEAL I don't quite know. It isn't as if we were in ARCHIE BEAL No, it isn't. JOHN BEAL If we were in England . . . ARCHIE BEAL I know; if we were in England you could JOHN BEAL Yes? ARCHIE BEAL I tell you what; you want to see more of JOHN BEAL Why? ARCHIE BEAL Why, because at the present moment our JOHN BEAL How will seeing more of Miss Miralda help ARCHIE BEAL Why, because you want to be a bit craftier JOHN BEAL She? How? ARCHIE BEAL We're mostly made what we are by some JOHN BEAL Why, ARCHIE; where did you get all those ARCHIE BEAL O, I don't know. JOHN BEAL You never used to talk like that. ARCHIE BEAL O, well. JOHN BEAL You haven't been getting in love, ARCHIE, ARCHIE BEAL What are we to do about Hussein? JOHN BEAL It's funny your mentioning Miss Miralda. ARCHIE BEAL What does she say? JOHN BEAL I couldn't make it out. ARCHIE BEAL What were her words? JOHN BEAL She said she was going into it closer. She ARCHIE BEAL Well, the same way as I did. JOHN BEAL How do you mean? I don't understand. ARCHIE BEAL By coming here. JOHN BEAL By coming here? But she can't come here. ARCHIE BEAL Why not? JOHN BEAL Because it's impossible. Absolutely im- ARCHIE BEAL 0, all right. Then I don't know what she JOHN BEAL ARCHIE! You don't really think she'd come ARCHIE BEAL Well, it's the sort of thing that that sort of JOHN BEAL Good Lord, ARCHIE! That would be awful. ARCHIE BEAL But why? JOHN BEAL Why? But what would I do? Where ARCHIE BEAL Well, if it did you've never met her, so vou JOHN BEAL No, of course not. You're laughing at me, ARCHIE BEAL O, I don't know. JOHN BEAL All alone with me here? No, impossible. ARCHIE BEAL. Women aren't civilised. JOHN BEAL Women aren't . . .? Good Lord, ARCHIE, ARCHIE BEAL We're tame, they're wild. We like all the JOHN BEAL Why, ARCHIE, it's just the other way about. ARCHIE BEAL O, yes; we do all the romantic things, and JOHN BEAL Why? Because we like them, I suppose. ARCHIE BEAL I hate danger. Don't you? JOHN BEAL Er--well, yes, I suppose I do, really. ARCHIE BEAL Of course you do. We all do. It's the JOHN BEAL But--but you don't mean you'd hurt ARCHIE BEAL We're under her orders, Johnny. See what JOHN BEAL You, you don't really think she'll come ARCHIE BEAL Of course I do, and the best thing too. JOHN BEAL But, but you don't understand. She's ARCHIE BEAL No, Johnny. But the girl that was able to JOHN BEAL I don't see what that's got to do with it. ARCHIE BEAL Yes, and she'll be in trouble all the way JOHN BEAL What beats me is how you can have the ARCHIE BEAL Well, Johnny, you're not a romantic bird, JOHN BEAL Well, I must say you make the most extra- ARCHIE BEAL O, that's nothing. I like this country. JOHN BEAL It's an awful country, Archie, but we've ARCHIE BEAL Does she know all about Hussein? JOHN BEAL Yes, everything. I've written fully. OMAR [Off] Al Shaldomir, Al Shaldomir, JOHN BEAL [shouting| O, go away, go away. [To ARCHIE.] I said ARCHIE BEAL O, I'd let them sing. JOHN BEAL 0, you can't have people doing that kind of OMAR [in doorway] Master, I go. JOHN BEAL But why do you come? OMAR I came to sing a joyous song to you, master. JOHN BEAL Why did you want to sing me a joyous OMAR Because a lady is riding out of the West. JOHN BEAL A lady out of . . . Good Lord! ARCHIE BEAL She's coming, Johnny. JOHN BEAL Coming? Good Lord, no, Archie. He said ARCHIE BEAL I wouldn't worry. JOHN BEAL Wouldn't worry? But, good Lord, the [He rushes to camp mirror. Exit JOHN BEAL tidies up desperately. Enter ARCHIE.] ARCHIE BEAL It's what you call THEM. JOHN BEAL What I call THEM? Whatever do you ARCHIE BEAL Well, it's her. She's just like what you said. JOHN BEAL But it can't be. She doesn't ride. She can ARCHIE BEAL She's on a camel. She'll be here in a mo- JOHN BEAL O, Lord! What's the chaperon like? ARCHIE BEAL O, she's attending to that herself. JOHN BEAL Attending to it herself? What do you ARCHIE BEAL I expect she'll attend to most things. [Enter HAFIZ EL ALCOLAHN in door- JOHN BEAL Who are you? HAFIZ I show the gracious lady to your tent. [Enter MIRALDA CLEMENT, throwing MIRALDA Hullo, Mr. Beal. JOHN BEAL Er--er--how do you do? [She looks at ARCHIE.] O, this is my brother--Miss Clement. MIRANDA and ARCHIE BEAL How do you do? MIRALDA I like this country. JOHN BEAL I'm afraid I hardly expected you. MIRALDA Didn't you? JOHN BEAL No. You see er--it's such a long way. MIRALDA Well, the captain of the ship was very kind JOHN BEAL O! But what did you do when you landed? MIRALDA 0, there were some Arabs coming this way JOHN BEAL But the camel? MIRALDA 0, there were some people the other side of JOHN BEAL But, you know, this country, Miss Cle- MIRALDA O, a week or so. JOHN BEAL I don't know what you'll think of Al Shal- MIRALDA Oh, I like it. Just that hollow in the moun- JOHN BEAL You see, I'm afraid--what I mean is I'm MIRALDA O, that's lovely of it. JOHN BEAL All decent places are. MIRALDA You mean if a place is on the map we've JOHN BEAL Hussein won't pay. MIRALDA Let's see Hussein. JOHN BEAL I'm afraid he's rather, he's rather a savage- MIRALDA Never mind. [ARCHIE is quietly listening and smiling Enter DAOUD. He goes up to the un- What's that, Mr. Beal? JOHN BEAL O, that. I'm afraid it's rather horrible. MIRALDA What do they do? JOHN BEAL They kill people. MIRALDA Do they? How? JOHN BEAL I'm afraid they pour their blood down those MIRALDA Do they? How do you know? JOHN BEAL I've seen them do it, and those mouths MIRALDA Won't it? Why not? JOHN BEAL Well, I . . . ARCHIE BEAL He's stopped them, Miss Clement. They're MIRALDA Have you? JOHN BEAL Well, yes. I had to. So it's all right now. MIRALDA H'm. JOHN BEAL What, what is it? I promise you that's all MIRALDA H'm. I've never known anyone that tried JOHN BEAL Of course, I'm just doing what I can to put MIRALDA What I mean is that I'd always thought JOHN BEAL No, certainly. MIRALDA Was to interfere in people's re- JOHN BEAL But, but I don't think you quite under- MIRALDA I think it's best to leave religion to the [JOHN BEAL opens his mouth in horror MIRALDA Let's see Hussein. JOHN BEAL What do you think, Archie? ARCHIE BEAL Poor fellow. We'd better send for him. MIRALDA Why do you say "poor fellow"? ARCHIE BEAL Oh, because he's so much in debt. It's MIRALDA Your remark didn't sound very compli- ARCHIE BEAL O, I only meant that I'd hate to be in debt. MIRALDA Why? ARCHIE BEAL Because I should so awfully want to pay it. MIRALDA I see. ARCHIE BEAL That's all I meant. MIRALDA Does Hussein awfully want to pay it? ARCHIE BEAL Well, no. But he hasn't seen you yet. He [Enter DAOUD. He goes to the unholy JOHN BEAL Daoud, for the present these gods must DAOUD Even so, great master. JOHN BEAL Daoud, go once more to the palace of the DAOUD Yes, master. JOHN BEAL Hasten. [Exit DAOUD.] I have sent him for Hussein. MIRALDA I don't know their language. JOHN BEAL You will see him, and I'll tell you what he MIRALDA [to ARCHIE] Have you been here long? ARCHIE BEAL No. I think he wrote to me by the same MIRALDA So did I; but you weren't on the Empress ARCHIE BEAL No, I came round more by land. JOHN BEAL You know, I hardly like bringing Hussein MIRALDA What's the matter with him? JOHN BEAL Well, he's rather of the brigand type, and MIRALDA Well, we must see him first and hear what JOHN BEAL But what do you propose to do? MIRALDA Why, if he pays me everything he owes, or JOHN BEAL The security is the pass. MIRALDA Yes. If he gives up that or pays . . . JOHN BEAL You know he's practically king of the MIRALDA He must come. JOHN BEAL But what are you going to do? MIRALDA If he gives up the pass . . . JOHN BEAL Why, if he gives up the pass you'd be MIRALDA Well, if he does that, all right. . . JOHN BEAL But what if he doesn't? MIRALDA Why, if he doesn't pay . . . HUSSEIN [off] JOHN BEAL Be seen. [Enter HUSSEIN.] HUSSEIN Greeting once more. JOHN BEAL Again greeting.... The great lady, [HUSSEIN and MIRALDA look at each You will pay to Miss Clement and not to HUSSEIN [looking contemptuous] On the word of the Lord of the Pass, I only [He stands smiling while MIRALDA ARCHIE BEAL Well? JOHN BEAL He won't pay. ARCHIE BEAL What are we to do now? JOHN BEAL [to MIRALDA] MIRALDA 0, I like him, I think he looks splendid. ARCHIE BEAL JOHN BEAL Yes. ARCHIE BEAL What do you say, Miss Clement? JOHN BEAL Yes, what do you feel we ought to do? MIRALDA Well, perhaps I ought to leave all that to ARCHIE BEAL O, no. JOHN BEAL No, it's your money. What do you think MIRALDA Well, of course, I think you ought to kill [JOHN BEAL and ARCHIE BEAL look JOHN BEAL But wouldn't that--wouldn't that be-- MIRALDA 0, yes, according to the English law. JOHN BEAL I see; you mean--you mean we're not--but MIRALDA I mean it wouldn't be murder--by your JOHN BEAL By my law? MIRALDA Yes, if you can interfere with their religion JOHN BEAL But Hussein is king here; he is Lord of the MIRALDA 0, if you like to be nobody, of course that's ARCHIE BEAL I think she means that if Hussein weren't JOHN BEAL But we can't kill Hussein! [MIRALDA begins to cry.] O Lord! Good heavens! Please, Miss MIRALDA Never mind. Never mind. I was so help- ARCHIE BEAL We'll do anything for you, Miss Clement. JOHN BEAL Anything in the wide world. Please, please MIRALDA I . . . I only, I only wanted to--to kill JOHN BEAL We'll do it, Miss Clement, won't we, ARCHIE BEAL Yes, I suppose he does. JOHN BEAL Well, all right, Miss Clement, that's settled. MIRALDA [still sniping] And--and--don't hang him or anything-- JOHN BEAL We'll see what we can do, Miss Clement. MIRALDA It is sweet of you. It's really sweet. It's JOHN BEAL 0, it's nothing, Miss Clement, nothing at ARCHIE BEAL That's all right. MIRALDA Well, now I'll have to look for an hotel. JOHN BEAL Yes, that's the trouble, that really is the MIRALDA Why, isn't there . . . JOHN BEAL No, I'm afraid there isn't. What are we to ARCHIE BEAL I--I can't think. Perhaps Miss Clement MIRALDA [to JOHN BEAL] I rely on you, Mr. Beal. JOHN BEAL I--I; but what can I . . . You see, MIRALDA I did think of bringing a rather nice aunt. JOHN BEAL Not to tell . . . MIRALDA No, on the whole I didn't. JOHN BEAL I say, Archie, what are we to do? ARCHIE BEAL Here's Daoud. [Enter DAOUD.] JOHN BEAL The one man I trust in Al Shaldomir! DAOUD I have brought two watchers of the door- JOHN BEAL He says he's brought two watchers of the ARCHIE BEAL Two chaperons! Splendid! She can go JOHN BEAL Well, really, that is better. Yes that will DAOUD [beckoning in the doorway] Ho! Enter! JOHN BEAL That's all right, ARCHIE, isn't it? ARCHIE BEAL Yes, that's all right. A chaperon's a JOHN BEAL You won't mind their being black, will you, MIRALDA No, I shan't mind. They can't be worse [Enter BAzzAroL and THOOTHOOBABA DAOUD The watchers of the doorstep. JOHN BEAL Idiot, Daoud! Fools! Dolts! Men may [BAZZALOL and THOOTHOOBABA smile We are not men. BAZZALOL [bowing] Curtain Six and a half years elapse THE SONG OF THE IRIS MARSHES When morn is bright on the mountains olden Dawn is fled to the marshy hollows When night is black in the iris marshes. ACT III SCENE I Six and a half years later. MIRALDA reclines on a heap of cushions, Bazzalol and Thoothoobaba fan them. OMAR [declaiming to a zither] Al Shaldomir, Al Shaldomir, MIRALDA Go now, Omar. OMAR O lady, I depart. MIRALDA [languidly] John, John. I wish you'd marry me. JOHN Miralda, you're thinking of those old cus- MIRALDA I had a fancy that I wished you would. JOHN What's the good of it? You know you are MIRALDA We could find one, John. JOHN O, yes, I suppose we could, but . . . MIRALDA Why won't you? JOHN I told you why. MIRALDA O, yes, that instinct that you must not JOHN Yes, it is. MIRALDA It's a silly reason. It's a crazy reason. JOHN No, there isn't. But I feel that in my MIRALDA So I must live as your slave. JOHN No, no, Miralda. My dear, you are not my MIRALDA They do not know at home. JOHN Home? Home? How could they know? MIRALDA I want to be crowned queen. JOHN But I am not a king. I am only Shereef. MIRALDA You are all-powerful here, John, you can do JOHN Miralda, you know I love you. Didn't MIRALDA Yes, but you don't love me now. JOHN And Hussein's people killed ARCHIE. That MIRALDA But you don't love me now. JOHN Yes, I do. I love you as the dawn loves MIRALDA Then why won't you marry me? JOHN I told you, I told you. I had a dream about MIRALDA Don't be crazy. JOHN I will have what fancies I please, crazy or MIRALDA I will be crowned queen. JOHN It is not my wish. MIRALDA I will, I will, I will. JOHN Drive me not to anger. If I have you cast MIRALDA I will be crowned queen. JOHN O, do not be tiresome. MIRALDA Was it not my money that brought you JOHN I don't know, Miralda. MIRALDA Catching some silly train to the City. JOHN Is it not enough that you are my beloved? MIRALDA It is not enough. I will be queen. JOHN Tchah! . . . Miralda, I know you are a MIRALDA Is it a petty whim to wish to be a queen? JOHN Yes, when it is only the name you want. MIRALDA I want to be queen. JOHN Oh-h! I will leave you. I have more to do [He rises.] MIRALDA Will you be back soon? JOHN No. MIRALDA When will you come back, John? [She is reclining, looking fair, fanning JOHN In half an hour. MIRALDA In half an hour? JOHN Yes. [Exit.] MIRALDA Half an hour. [Her fan is laid down. She clutches Enter the Vizier, HAFIZ EL ALCOLAHN] HAFIZ Lady! You bade me come. MIRALDA Did I, Hafiz? HAFIZ Lady, your fan. MIRALDA Ah, I was fanning myself. HAFIZ Seven times, lady. MIRALDA Ah, was it? Well, now you're here. HAFIZ Lady, O star of these times. O light over MIRALDA For half an hour, Hafiz. HAFIZ How know you for half an hour? MIRALDA He said so. HAFIZ He said so? Then is the time to fear, if a MIRALDA I know him. HAFIZ In our country who knows any man so MIRALDA He'll be away for half an hour. HAFIZ [embracing] O, exquisite lily of unattainable mountains. MIRALDA Ah, Hafiz, would you do a little thing for HAFIZ I would do all things, lady, O evening MIRANDA Would you make me a queen, Hafiz? HAFIZ If--if the Shereef were gathered? MIRALDA Even so, Hafiz. HAFIZ Lady, I would make you queen of all that MIRANDA You would make me queen? HAFIZ Indeed, before all my wives, before all MIRALDA 0, well, Hafiz; then you may kiss me. Hafiz, the Shereef has irked me. HAFIZ Lady, O singing star, to all men is the hour. MIRALDA The appointed hour? HAFIZ Even the appointed hour, the last, leading |