The Lily of the Valley (tr. Katharine Prescott Wormeley)
by Honore de Balzac
Hypertext Meanings and Commentaries
from the Encyclopedia of the Self
by Mark Zimmerman

by HONORE DE BALZAC

Translated By
Katharine Prescott Wormeley

DEDICATION

  To Monsieur J. B. Nacquart,
  Member of the Royal Academy of Medicine.

  Dear Doctor--Here is one of the most carefully hewn stones in the
  second course of the foundation of a literary edifice which I have
  slowly and laboriously constructed. I wish to inscribe your name
  upon it, as much to thank the man whose science once saved me as
  to honor the friend of my daily life.

De Balzac.

THE LILY OF THE VALLEY

ENVOI

  Felix de Vandenesse to Madame la Comtesse Natalie de Manerville:

  I yield to your wishes. It is the privilege of the women whom we
  love more than they love us to make the men who love them ignore
  the ordinary rules of common-sense. To smooth the frown upon their
  brow, to soften the pout upon their lips, what obstacles we
  miraculously overcome! We shed our blood, we risk our future!

  You exact the history of my past life; here it is. But remember
  this, Natalie; in obeying you I crush under foot a reluctance
  hitherto unconquerable. Why are you jealous of the sudden reveries
  which overtake me in the midst of our happiness? Why show the
  pretty anger of a petted woman when silence grasps me? Could you
  not play upon the contradictions of my character without inquiring
  into the causes of them? Are there secrets in your heart which
  seek absolution through a knowledge of mine? Ah! Natalie, you have
  guessed mine; and it is better you should know the whole truth.
  Yes, my life is shadowed by a phantom; a word evokes it; it hovers
  vaguely above me and about me; within my soul are solemn memories,
  buried in its depths like those marine productions seen in calmest
  weather and which the storms of ocean cast in fragments on the
  shore.

  The mental labor which the expression of ideas necessitates has
  revived the old, old feelings which give me so much pain when they
  come suddenly; and if in this confession of my past they break
  forth in a way that wounds you, remember that you threatened to
  punish me if I did not obey your wishes, and do not, therefore,
  punish my obedience. I would that this, my confidence, might
  increase your love.

Until we meet,

Felix.

CHAPTER I

TWO CHILDHOODS

To what genius fed on tears shall we some day owe that most touching
of all elegies,--the tale of tortures borne silently by souls whose
tender roots find stony ground in the domestic soil, whose earliest
buds are torn apart by rancorous hands, whose flowers are touched by
frost at the moment of their blossoming? What poet will sing the
sorrows of the child whose lips must suck a bitter breast, whose
smiles are checked by the cruel fire of a stern eye? The tale that
tells of such poor hearts, oppressed by beings placed about them to
promote the development of their natures, would contain the true
history of my childhood.

What vanity could I have wounded,--I a child new-born? What moral or
physical infirmity caused by mother's coldness? Was I the child of
duty, whose birth is a mere chance, or was I one whose very life was a
reproach? Put to nurse in the country and forgotten by my family for
over three years, I was treated with such indifference on my return to
the parental roof that even the servants pitied me. I do not know to
what feeling or happy accident I owed my rescue from this first
neglect; as a child I was ignorant of it, as a man I have not
discovered it. Far from easing my lot, my brother and my two sisters
found amusement in making me suffer. The compact in virtue of which
children hide each other's peccadilloes, and which early teaches them
the principles of honor, was null and void in my case; more than that,
I was often punished for my brother's faults, without being allowed to
prove the injustice. The fawning spirit which seems instinctive in
children taught my brother and sisters to join in the persecutions to
which I was subjected, and thus keep in the good graces of a mother
whom they feared as much as I. Was this partly the effect of a
childish love of imitation; was it from a need of testing their
powers; or was it simply through lack of pity? Perhaps these causes
united to deprive me of the sweets of fraternal intercourse.

Disinherited of all affection, I could love nothing; yet nature had
made me loving. Is there an angel who garners the sighs of feeling
hearts rebuffed incessantly? If in many such hearts the crushed
feelings turn to hatred, in mine they condensed and hollowed a depth
from which, in after years, they gushed forth upon my life. In many
characters the habit of trembling relaxes the fibres and begets fear,
and fear ends in submission; hence, a weakness which emasculates a
man, and makes him more or less a slave. But in my case these
perpetual tortures led to the development of a certain strength, which
increased through exercise and predisposed my spirit to the habit of
moral resistance. Always in expectation of some new grief--as the
martyrs expected some fresh blow--my whole being expressed, I doubt
not, a sullen resignation which smothered the grace and gaiety of
childhood, and gave me an appearance of idiocy which seemed to justify
my mother's threatening prophecies. The certainty of injustice
prematurely roused my pride--that fruit of reason--and thus, no doubt,
checked the evil tendencies which an education like mine encouraged.

Though my mother neglected me I was sometimes the object of her
solicitude; she occasionally spoke of my education and seemed desirous
of attending to it herself. Cold chills ran through me at such times
when I thought of the torture a daily intercourse with her would
inflict upon me. I blessed the neglect in which I lived, and rejoiced
that I could stay alone in the garden and play with the pebbles and
watch the insects and gaze into the blueness of the sky. Though my
loneliness naturally led me to reverie, my liking for contemplation
was first aroused by an incident which will give you an idea of my
early troubles. So little notice was taken of me that the governess
occasionally forgot to send me to bed. One evening I was peacefully
crouching under a fig-tree, watching a star with that passion of
curiosity which takes possession of a child's mind, and to which my
precocious melancholy gave a sort of sentimental intuition. My sisters
were playing about and laughing; I heard their distant chatter like an
accompaniment to my thoughts. After a while the noise ceased and
darkness fell. My mother happened to notice my absence. To escape
blame, our governess, a terrible Mademoiselle Caroline, worked upon my
mother's fears,--told her I had a horror of my home and would long ago
have run away if she had not watched me; that I was not stupid but
sullen; and that in all her experience of children she had never known
one of so bad a disposition as mine. She pretended to search for me. I
answered as soon as I was called, and she came to the fig-tree, where
she very well knew I was. "What are you doing there?" she asked.
"Watching a star." "You were not watching a star," said my mother, who
was listening on her balcony; "children of your age know nothing of
astronomy." "Ah, madame," cried Mademoiselle Caroline, "he has opened
the faucet of the reservoir; the garden is inundated!" Then there was
a general excitement. The fact was that my sisters had amused
themselves by turning the cock to see the water flow, but a sudden
spurt wet them all over and frightened them so much that they ran away
without closing it. Accused and convicted of this piece of mischief
and told that I lied when I denied it, I was severely punished. Worse
than all, I was jeered at for my pretended love of the stars and
forbidden to stay in the garden after dark.

Such tyrannical restrains intensify a passion in the hearts of
children even more than in those of men; children think of nothing but
the forbidden thing, which then becomes irresistibly attractive to
them. I was often whipped for my star. Unable to confide in my kind, I
told it all my troubles in that delicious inward prattle with which we
stammer our first ideas, just as once we stammered our first words. At
twelve years of age, long after I was at school, I still watched that
star with indescribable delight,--so deep and lasting are the
impressions we receive in the dawn of life.

My brother Charles, five years older than I and as handsome a boy as
he now is a man, was the favorite of my father, the idol of my mother,
and consequently the sovereign of the house. He was robust and well-
made, and had a tutor. I, puny and even sickly, was sent at five years
of age as day pupil to a school in the town; taken in the morning and
brought back at night by my father's valet. I was sent with a scanty
lunch, while my school-fellows brought plenty of good food. This
trifling contrast between my privations and their prosperity made me
suffer deeply. The famous potted pork prepared at Tours and called
"rillettes" and "rillons" was the chief feature of their mid-day meal,
between the early breakfast and the parent's dinner, which was ready
when we returned from school. This preparation of meat, much prized by
certain gourmands, is seldom seen at Tours on aristocratic tables; if
I had ever heard of it before I went to school, I certainly had never
had the happiness of seeing that brown mess spread on slices of bread
and butter. Nevertheless, my desire for those "rillons" was so great
that it grew to be a fixed idea, like the longing of an elegant
Parisian duchess for the stews cooked by a porter's wife,--longings
which, being a woman, she found means to satisfy. Children guess each
other's covetousness, just as you are able to read a man's love, by
the look in the eyes; consequently I became an admirable butt for
ridicule. My comrades, nearly all belonging to the lower bourgeoisie,
would show me their "rillons" and ask if I knew how they were made and
where they were sold, and why it was that I never had any. They licked
their lips as they talked of them--scraps of pork pressed in their own
fat and looking like cooked truffles; they inspected my lunch-basket,
and finding nothing better than Olivet cheese or dried fruits, they
plagued me with questions: "Is that all you have? have you really
nothing else?"--speeches which made me realize the difference between
my brother and myself.

This contrast between my own abandonment and the happiness of others
nipped the roses of my childhood and blighted my budding youth. The
first time that I, mistaking my comrades' actions for generosity, put
forth my hand to take the dainty I had so long coveted and which was
now hypocritically held out to me, my tormentor pulled back his slice
to the great delight of his comrades who were expecting that result.
If noble and distinguished minds are, as we often find them, capable
of vanity, can we blame the child who weeps when despised and jeered
at? Under such a trial many boys would have turned into gluttons and
cringing beggars. I fought to escape my persecutors. The courage of
despair made me formidable; but I was hated, and thus had no
protection against treachery. One evening as I left school I was
struck in the back by a handful of small stones tied in a
handkerchief. When the valet, who punished the perpetrator, told this
to my mother she exclaimed: "That dreadful child! he will always be a
torment to us."

Finding that I inspired in my schoolmates the same repulsion that was
felt for me by my family, I sank into a horrible distrust of myself. A
second fall of snow checked the seeds that were germinating in my
soul. The boys whom I most liked were notorious scamps; this fact
roused my pride and I held aloof. Again I was shut up within myself
and had no vent for the feelings with which my heart was full. The
master of the school, observing that I was gloomy, disliked by my
comrades, and always alone, confirmed the family verdict as to my
sulky temper. As soon as I could read and write, my mother transferred
me to Pont-le-Voy, a school in charge of Oratorians who took boys of
my age into a form called the "class of the Latin steps" where dull
lads with torpid brains were apt to linger.

There I remained eight years without seeing my family; living the life
of a pariah,--partly for the following reason. I received but three
francs a month pocket-money, a sum barely sufficient to buy the pens,
ink, paper, knives, and rules which we were forced to supply
ourselves. Unable to buy stilts or skipping-ropes, or any of the
things that were used in the playground, I was driven out of the
games; to gain admission on suffrage I should have had to toady the
rich and flatter the strong of my division. My heart rose against
either of these meannesses, which, however, most children readily
employ. I lived under a tree, lost in dejected thought, or reading the
books distributed to us monthly by the librarian. How many griefs were
in the shadow of that solitude; what genuine anguish filled my
neglected life! Imagine what my sore heart felt when, at the first
distribution of prizes,--of which I obtained the two most valued,
namely, for theme and for translation,--neither my father nor my
mother was present in the theatre when I came forward to receive the
awards amid general acclamations, although the building was filled
with the relatives of all my comrades. Instead of kissing the
distributor, according to custom, I burst into tears and threw myself
on his breast. That night I burned my crowns in the stove. The parents
of the other boys were in town for a whole week preceding the
distribution of the prizes, and my comrades departed joyfully the next
day; while I, whose father and mother were only a few miles distant,
remained at the school with the "outremers,"--a name given to scholars
whose families were in the colonies or in foreign countries.

You will notice throughout how my unhappiness increased in proportion
as the social spheres on which I entered widened. God knows what
efforts I made to weaken the decree which condemned me to live within
myself! What hopes, long cherished with eagerness of soul, were doomed
to perish in a day! To persuade my parents to come and see me, I wrote
them letters full of feeling, too emphatically worded, it may be; but
surely such letters ought not to have drawn upon me my mother's
reprimand, coupled with ironical reproaches for my style. Not
discouraged even then, I implored the help of my sisters, to whom I
always wrote on their birthdays and fete-days with the persistence of
a neglected child; but it was all in vain. As the day for the
distribution of prizes approached I redoubled my entreaties, and told
of my expected triumphs. Misled by my parents' silence, I expected
them with a beating heart. I told my schoolfellows they were coming;
and then, when the old porter's step sounded in the corridors as he
called my happy comrades one by one to receive their friends, I was
sick with expectation. Never did that old man call my name!

One day, when I accused myself to my confessor of having cursed my
life, he pointed to the skies, where grew, he said, the promised palm
for the "Beati qui lugent" of the Saviour. From the period of my first
communion I flung myself into the mysterious depths of prayer,
attracted to religious ideas whose moral fairyland so fascinates young
spirits. Burning with ardent faith, I prayed to God to renew in my
behalf the miracles I had read of in martyrology. At five years of age
I fled to my star; at twelve I took refuge in the sanctuary. My
ecstasy brought dreams unspeakable, which fed my imagination, fostered
my susceptibilities, and strengthened my thinking powers. I have often
attributed those sublime visions to the guardian angel charged with
moulding my spirit to its divine destiny; they endowed my soul with
the faculty of seeing the inner soul of things; they prepared my heart
for the magic craft which makes a man a poet when the fatal power is
his to compare what he feels within him with reality,--the great
things aimed for with the small things gained. Those visions wrote
upon my brain a book in which I read that which I must voice; they
laid upon my lips the coal of utterance.

My father having conceived some doubts as to the tendency of the
Oratorian teachings, took me from Pont-le-Voy, and sent me to Paris to
an institution in the Marais. I was then fifteen. When examined as to
my capacity, I, who was in the rhetoric class at Pont-le-Voy, was
pronounced worthy of the third class. The sufferings I had endured in
my family and in school were continued under another form during my
stay at the Lepitre Academy. My father gave me no money; I was to be
fed, clothed, and stuffed with Latin and Greek, for a sum agreed on.
During my school life I came in contact with over a thousand comrades;
but I never met with such an instance of neglect and indifference as
mine. Monsieur Lepitre, who was fanatically attached to the Bourbons,
had had relations with my father at the time when all devoted
royalists were endeavoring to bring about the escape of Marie
Antoinette from the Temple. They had lately renewed acquaintance; and
Monsieur Lepitre thought himself obliged to repair my father's
oversight, and to give me a small sum monthly. But not being
authorized to do so, the amount was small indeed.

The Lepitre establishment was in the old Joyeuse mansion where, as in
all seignorial houses, there was a porter's lodge. During a recess,
which preceded the hour when the man-of-all-work took us to the
Charlemagne Lyceum, the well-to-do pupils used to breakfast with the
porter, named Doisy. Monsieur Lepitre was either ignorant of the fact
or he connived at this arrangement with Doisy, a regular smuggler whom
it was the pupils' interest to protect,--he being the secret guardian
of their pranks, the safe confidant of their late returns and their
intermediary for obtaining forbidden books. Breakfast on a cup of
"cafe-au-lait" is an aristocratic habit, explained by the high prices
to which colonial products rose under Napoleon. If the use of sugar
and coffee was a luxury to our parents, with us it was the sign of
self-conscious superiority. Doisy gave credit, for he reckoned on the
sisters and aunts of the pupils, who made it a point of honor to pay
their debts. I resisted the blandishments of his place for a long
time. If my judges knew the strength of its seduction, the heroic
efforts I made after stoicism, the repressed desires of my long
resistance, they would pardon my final overthrow. But, child as I was,
could I have the grandeur of soul that scorns the scorn of others?
Moreover, I may have felt the promptings of several social vices whose
power was increased by my longings.

About the end of the second year my father and mother came to Paris.
My brother had written me the day of their arrival. He lived in Paris,
but had never been to see me. My sisters, he said, were of the party;
we were all to see Paris together. The first day we were to dine in
the Palais-Royal, so as to be near the Theatre-Francais. In spite of
the intoxication such a programme of unhoped-for delights excited, my
joy was dampened by the wind of a coming storm, which those who are
used to unhappiness apprehend instinctively. I was forced to own a
debt of a hundred francs to the Sieur Doisy, who threatened to ask my
parents himself for the money. I bethought me of making my brother the
emissary of Doisy, the mouth-piece of my repentance and the mediator
of pardon. My father inclined to forgiveness, but my mother was
pitiless; her dark blue eye froze me; she fulminated cruel prophecies:
"What should I be later if at seventeen years of age I committed such
follies? Was I really a son of hers? Did I mean to ruin my family? Did
I think myself the only child of the house? My brother Charles's
career, already begun, required large outlay, amply deserved by his
conduct which did honor to the family, while mine would always
disgrace it. Did I know nothing of the value of money, and what I cost
them? Of what use were coffee and sugar to my education? Such conduct
was the first step into all the vices."

After enduring the shock of this torrent which rasped my soul, I was
sent back to school in charge of my brother. I lost the dinner at the
Freres Provencaux, and was deprived of seeing Talma in Britannicus.
Such was my first interview with my mother after a separation of
twelve years.

When I had finished school my father left me under the guardianship of
Monsieur Lepitre. I was to study the higher mathematics, follow a
course of law for one year, and begin philosophy. Allowed to study in
my own room and released from the classes, I expected a truce with
trouble. But, in spite of my nineteen years, perhaps because of them,
my father persisted in the system which had sent me to school without
food, to an academy without pocket-money, and had driven me into debt
to Doisy. Very little money was allowed to me, and what can you do in
Paris without money? Moreover, my freedom was carefully chained up.
Monsieur Lepitre sent me to the law school accompanied by a man-of-
all-work who handed me over to the professor and fetched me home
again. A young girl would have been treated with less precaution than
my mother's fears insisted on for me. Paris alarmed my parents, and
justly. Students are secretly engaged in the same occupation which
fills the minds of young ladies in their boarding-schools. Do what you
will, nothing can prevent the latter from talking of lovers, or the
former of women. But in Paris, and especially at this particular time,
such talk among young lads was influenced by the oriental and sultanic
atmosphere and customs of the Palais-Royal.

The Palais-Royal was an Eldorado of love where the ingots melted away
in coin; there virgin doubts were over; there curiosity was appeased.
The Palais-Royal and I were two asymptotes bearing one towards the
other, yet unable to meet. Fate miscarried all my attempts. My father
had presented me to one of my aunts who lived in the Ile St. Louis.
With her I was to dine on Sundays and Thursdays, escorted to the house
by either Monsieur or Madame Lepitre, who went out themselves on those
days and were to call for me on their way home. Singular amusement for
a young lad! My aunt, the Marquise de Listomere, was a great lady, of
ceremonious habits, who would never have dreamed of offering me money.
Old as a cathedral, painted like a miniature, sumptuous in dress, she
lived in her great house as though Louis XV. were not dead, and saw
none but old women and men of a past day,--a fossil society which made
me think I was in a graveyard. No one spoke to me and I had not the
courage to speak first. Cold and alien looks made me ashamed of my
youth, which seemed to annoy them. I counted on this indifference to
aid me in certain plans; I was resolved to escape some day directly
after dinner and rush to the Palais-Royal. Once seated at whist my
aunt would pay no attention to me. Jean, the footman, cared little for
Monsieur Lepitre and would have aided me; but on the day I chose for
my adventure that luckless dinner was longer than usual,--either
because the jaws employed were worn out or the false teeth more
imperfect. At last, between eight and nine o'clock, I reached the
staircase, my heart beating like that of Bianca Capello on the day of
her flight; but when the porter pulled the cord I beheld in the street
before me Monsieur Lepitre's hackney-coach, and I heard his pursy
voice demanding me!

Three times did fate interpose between the hell of the Palais-Royal
and the heaven of my youth. On the day when I, ashamed at twenty years
of age of my own ignorance, determined to risk all dangers to put an
end to it, at the very moment when I was about to run away from
Monsieur Lepitre as he got into the coach,--a difficult process, for
he was as fat as Louis XVIII. and club-footed,--well, can you believe
it, my mother arrived in a post-chaise! Her glance arrested me; I
stood still, like a bird before a snake. What fate had brought her
there? The simplest thing in the world. Napoleon was then making his
last efforts. My father, who foresaw the return of the Bourbons, had
come to Paris with my mother to advise my brother, who was employed in
the imperial diplomatic service. My mother was to take me back with
her, out of the way of dangers which seemed, to those who followed the
march of events intelligently, to threaten the capital. In a few
minutes, as it were, I was taken out of Paris, at the very moment when
my life there was about to become fatal to me.

The tortures of imagination excited by repressed desires, the
weariness of a life depressed by constant privations had driven me to
study, just as men, weary of fate, confine themselves in a cloister.
To me, study had become a passion, which might even be fatal to my
health by imprisoning me at a period of life when young men ought to
yield to the bewitching activities of their springtide youth.

This slight sketch of my boyhood, in which you, Natalie, can readily
perceive innumerable songs of woe, was needful to explain to you its
influence on my future life. At twenty years of age, and affected by
many morbid elements, I was still small and thin and pale. My soul,
filled with the will to do, struggled with a body that seemed weakly,
but which, in the words of an old physician at Tours, was undergoing
its final fusion into a temperament of iron. Child in body and old in
mind, I had read and thought so much that I knew life metaphysically
at its highest reaches at the moment when I was about to enter the
tortuous difficulties of its defiles and the sandy roads of its
plains. A strange chance had held me long in that delightful period
when the soul awakes to its first tumults, to its desires for joy, and
the savor of life is fresh. I stood in the period between puberty and
manhood,--the one prolonged by my excessive study, the other tardily
developing its living shoots. No young man was ever more thoroughly
prepared to feel and to love. To understand my history, let your mind
dwell on that pure time of youth when the mouth is innocent of
falsehood; when the glance of the eye is honest, though veiled by lids
which droop from timidity contradicting desire; when the soul bends
not to worldly Jesuitism, and the heart throbs as violently from
trepidation as from the generous impulses of young emotion.

I need say nothing of the journey I made with my mother from Paris to
Tours. The coldness of her behavior repressed me. At each relay I
tried to speak; but a look, a word from her frightened away the
speeches I had been meditating. At Orleans, where we had passed the
night, my mother complained of my silence. I threw myself at her feet
and clasped her knees; with tears I opened my heart. I tried to touch
hers by the eloquence of my hungry love in accents that might have
moved a stepmother. She replied that I was playing comedy. I
complained that she had abandoned me. She called me an unnatural
child. My whole nature was so wrung that at Blois I went upon the
bridge to drown myself in the Loire. The height of the parapet
prevented my suicide.

When I reached home, my two sisters, who did not know me, showed more
surprise than tenderness. Afterwards, however, they seemed, by
comparison, to be full of kindness towards me. I was given a room on
the third story. You will understand the extent of my hardships when I
tell you that my mother left me, a young man of twenty, without other
linen than my miserable school outfit, or any other outside clothes
than those I had long worn in Paris. If I ran from one end of the room
to the other to pick up her handkerchief, she took it with the cold
thanks a lady gives to her footman. Driven to watch her to find if
there were any soft spot where I could fasten the rootlets of
affection, I came to see her as she was,--a tall, spare woman, given
to cards, egotistical and insolent, like all the Listomeres, who count
insolence as part of their dowry. She saw nothing in life except
duties to be fulfilled. All cold women whom I have known made, as she
did, a religion of duty; she received our homage as a priest receives
the incense of the mass. My elder brother appeared to absorb the
trifling sentiment of maternity which was in her nature. She stabbed
us constantly with her sharp irony,--the weapon of those who have no
heart,--and which she used against us, who could make her no reply.

Notwithstanding these thorny hindrances, the instinctive sentiments
have so many roots, the religious fear inspired by a mother whom it is
dangerous to displease holds by so many threads, that the sublime
mistake--if I may so call it--of our love for our mother lasted until
the day, much later in our lives, when we judged her finally. This
terrible despotism drove from my mind all thoughts of the voluptuous
enjoyments I had dreamed of finding at Tours. In despair I took refuge
in my father's library, where I set myself to read every book I did
not know. These long periods of hard study saved me from contact with
my mother; but they aggravated the dangers of my moral condition.
Sometimes my eldest sister--she who afterwards married our cousin, the
Marquis de Listomere--tried to comfort me, without, however, being
able to calm the irritation to which I was a victim. I desired to die.

Great events, of which I knew nothing, were then in preparation. The
Duc d'Angouleme, who had left Bordeaux to join Louis XVIII. in Paris,
was received in every town through which he passed with ovations
inspired by the enthusiasm felt throughout old France at the return of
the Bourbons. Touraine was aroused for its legitimate princes; the
town itself was in a flutter, every window decorated, the inhabitants
in their Sunday clothes, a festival in preparation, and that nameless
excitement in the air which intoxicates, and which gave me a strong
desire to be present at the ball given by the duke. When I summoned
courage to make this request of my mother, who was too ill to go
herself, she became extremely angry. "Had I come from Congo?" she
inquired. "How could I suppose that our family would not be
represented at the ball? In the absence of my father and brother, of
course it was my duty to be present. Had I no mother? Was she not
always thinking of the welfare of her children?"

In a moment the semi-disinherited son had become a personage! I was
more dumfounded by my importance than by the deluge of ironical
reasoning with which my mother received my request. I questioned my
sisters, and then discovered that my mother, who liked such theatrical
plots, was already attending to my clothes. The tailors in Tours were
fully occupied by the sudden demands of their regular customers, and
my mother was forced to employ her usual seamstress, who--according to
provincial custom--could do all kinds of sewing. A bottle-blue coat
had been secretly made for me, after a fashion, and silk stockings and
pumps provided; waistcoats were then worn short, so that I could wear
one of my father's; and for the first time in my life I had a shirt
with a frill, the pleatings of which puffed out my chest and were
gathered in to the knot of my cravat. When dressed in this apparel I
looked so little like myself that my sister's compliments nerved me to
face all Touraine at the ball. But it was a bold enterprise. Thanks to
my slimness I slipped into a tent set up in the gardens of the Papion
house, and found a place close to the armchair in which the duke was
seated. Instantly I was suffocated by the heat, and dazzled by the
lights, the scarlet draperies, the gilded ornaments, the dresses, and
the diamonds of the first public ball I had ever witnessed. I was
pushed hither and thither by a mass of men and women, who hustled each
other in a cloud of dust. The brazen clash of military music was
drowned in the hurrahs and acclamations of "Long live the Duc
d'Angouleme! Long live the King! Long live the Bourbons!" The ball was
an outburst of pent-up enthusiasm, where each man endeavored to outdo
the rest in his fierce haste to worship the rising sun,--an exhibition
of partisan greed which left me unmoved, or rather, it disgusted me
and drove me back within myself.

Swept onward like a straw in the whirlwind, I was seized with a
childish desire to be the Duc d'Angouleme himself, to be one of these
princes parading before an awed assemblage. This silly fancy of a
Tourangean lad roused an ambition to which my nature and the
surrounding circumstances lent dignity. Who would not envy such
worship?--a magnificent repetition of which I saw a few months later,
when all Paris rushed to the feet of the Emperor on his return from
Elba. The sense of this dominion exercised over the masses, whose
feelings and whose very life are thus merged into one soul, dedicated
me then and thenceforth to glory, that priestess who slaughters the
Frenchmen of to-day as the Druidess once sacrificed the Gauls.

Suddenly I met the woman who was destined to spur these ambitious
desires and to crown them by sending me into the heart of royalty. Too
timid to ask any one to dance,--fearing, moreover, to confuse the
figures,--I naturally became very awkward, and did not know what to do
with my arms and legs. Just as I was suffering severely from the
pressure of the crowd an officer stepped on my feet, swollen by the
new leather of my shoes as well as by the heat. This disgusted me with
the whole affair. It was impossible to get away; but I took refuge in
a corner of a room at the end of an empty bench, where I sat with
fixed eyes, motionless and sullen. Misled by my puny appearance, a
woman--taking me for a sleepy child--slid softly into the place beside
me, with the motion of a bird as she drops upon her nest. Instantly I
breathed the woman-atmosphere, which irradiated my soul as, in after
days, oriental poesy has shone there. I looked at my neighbor, and was
more dazzled by that vision than I had been by the scene of the fete.

If you have understood this history of my early life you will guess
the feelings which now welled up within me. My eyes rested suddenly on
white, rounded shoulders where I would fain have laid my head,--
shoulders faintly rosy, which seemed to blush as if uncovered for the
first time; modest shoulders, that possessed a soul, and reflected
light from their satin surface as from a silken texture. These
shoulders were parted by a line along which my eyes wandered. I raised
myself to see the bust and was spell-bound by the beauty of the bosom,
chastely covered with gauze, where blue-veined globes of perfect
outline were softly hidden in waves of lace. The slightest details of
the head were each and all enchantments which awakened infinite
delights within me; the brilliancy of the hair laid smoothly above a
neck as soft and velvety as a child's, the white lines drawn by the
comb where my imagination ran as along a dewy path,--all these things
put me, as it were, beside myself. Glancing round to be sure that no
one saw me, I threw myself upon those shoulders as a child upon the
breast of its mother, kissing them as I laid my head there. The woman
uttered a piercing cry, which the noise of the music drowned; she
turned, saw me, and exclaimed, "Monsieur!" Ah! had she said, "My
little lad, what possesses you?" I might have killed her; but at the
word "Monsieur!" hot tears fell from my eyes. I was petrified by a
glance of saintly anger, by a noble face crowned with a diadem of
golden hair in harmony with the shoulders I adored. The crimson of
offended modesty glowed on her cheeks, though already it was appeased
by the pardoning instinct of a woman who comprehends a frenzy which
she inspires, and divines the infinite adoration of those repentant
tears. She moved away with the step and carriage of a queen.

I then felt the ridicule of my position; for the first time I realized
that I was dressed like the monkey of a barrel organ. I was ashamed.
There I stood, stupefied,--tasting the fruit that I had stolen,
conscious of the warmth upon my lips, repenting not, and following
with my eyes the woman who had come down to me from heaven. Sick with
the first fever of the heart I wandered through the rooms, unable to
find mine Unknown, until at last I went home to bed, another man.

A new soul, a soul with rainbow wings, had burst its chrysalis.
Descending from the azure wastes where I had long admired her, my star
had come to me a woman, with undiminished lustre and purity. I loved,
knowing naught of love. How strange a thing, this first irruption of
the keenest human emotion in the heart of a man! I had seen pretty
women in other places, but none had made the slightest impression upon
me. Can there be an appointed hour, a conjunction of stars, a union of
circumstances, a certain woman among all others to awaken an exclusive
passion at the period of life when love includes the whole sex?

The thought that my Elect lived in Touraine made the air I breathed
delicious; the blue of the sky seemed bluer than I had ever yet seen
it. I raved internally, but externally I was seriously ill, and my
mother had fears, not unmingled with remorse. Like animals who know
when danger is near, I hid myself away in the garden to think of the
kiss that I had stolen. A few days after this memorable ball my mother
attributed my neglect of study, my indifference to her tyrannical
looks and sarcasms, and my gloomy behavior to the condition of my
health. The country, that perpetual remedy for ills that doctors
cannot cure, seemed to her the best means of bringing me out of my
apathy. She decided that I should spend a few weeks at Frapesle, a
chateau on the Indre midway between Montbazon and Azay-le-Rideau,
which belonged to a friend of hers, to whom, no doubt, she gave
private instructions.

By the day when I thus for the first time gained my liberty I had swum
so vigorously in Love's ocean that I had well-nigh crossed it. I knew
nothing of mine unknown lady, neither her name, nor where to find her;
to whom, indeed, could I speak of her? My sensitive nature so
exaggerated the inexplicable fears which beset all youthful hearts at
the first approach of love that I began with the melancholy which
often ends a hopeless passion. I asked nothing better than to roam
about the country, to come and go and live in the fields. With the
courage of a child that fears no failure, in which there is something
really chivalrous, I determined to search every chateau in Touraine,
travelling on foot, and saying to myself as each old tower came in
sight, "She is there!"

Accordingly, of a Thursday morning I left Tours by the barrier of
Saint-Eloy, crossed the bridges of Saint-Sauveur, reached Poncher
whose every house I examined, and took the road to Chinon. For the
first time in my life I could sit down under a tree or walk fast or
slow as I pleased without being dictated to by any one. To a poor lad
crushed under all sorts of despotism (which more or less does weigh
upon all youth) the first employment of freedom, even though it be
expended upon nothing, lifts the soul with irrepressible buoyancy.
Several reasons combined to make that day one of enchantment. During
my school years I had never been taken to walk more than two or three
miles from a city; yet there remained in my mind among the earliest
recollections of my childhood that feeling for the beautiful which the
scenery about Tours inspires. Though quite untaught as to the poetry
of such a landscape, I was, unknown to myself, critical upon it, like
those who imagine the ideal of art without knowing anything of its
practice.

To reach the chateau of Frapesle, foot-passengers, or those on
horseback, shorten the way by crossing the Charlemagne moors,--
uncultivated tracts of land lying on the summit of the plateau which
separates the valley of the Cher from that of the Indre, and over
which there is a cross-road leading to Champy. These moors are flat
and sandy, and for more than three miles are dreary enough until you
reach, through a clump of woods, the road to Sache, the name of the
township in which Frapesle stands. This road, which joins that of
Chinon beyond Ballan, skirts an undulating plain to the little hamlet
of Artanne. Here we come upon a valley, which begins at Montbazon,
ends at the Loire, and seems to rise and fall,--to bound, as it were,
--beneath the chateaus placed on its double hillsides,--a splendid
emerald cup, in the depths of which flow the serpentine lines of the
river Indre. I gazed at this scene with ineffable delight, for which
the gloomy moor-land and the fatigue of the sandy walk had prepared
me.

"If that woman, the flower of her sex, does indeed inhabit this earth,
she is here, on this spot."

Thus musing, I leaned against a walnut-tree, beneath which I have
rested from that day to this whenever I return to my dear valley.
Beneath that tree, the confidant of my thoughts, I ask myself what
changes there are in me since last I stood there.

My heart deceived me not--she lived there; the first castle that I saw
on the slope of a hill was the dwelling that held her. As I sat
beneath my nut-tree, the mid-day sun was sparkling on the slates of
her roof and the panes of her windows. Her cambric dress made the
white line which I saw among the vines of an arbor. She was, as you
know already without as yet knowing anything, the Lily of this valley,
where she grew for heaven, filling it with the fragrance of her
virtues. Love, infinite love, without other sustenance than the
vision, dimly seen, of which my soul was full, was there, expressed to
me by that long ribbon of water flowing in the sunshine between the
grass-green banks, by the lines of the poplars adorning with their
mobile laces that vale of love, by the oak-woods coming down between
the vineyards to the shore, which the river curved and rounded as it
chose, and by those dim varying horizons as they fled confusedly away.

If you would see nature beautiful and virgin as a bride, go there of a
spring morning. If you would still the bleeding wounds of your heart,
return in the last days of autumn. In the spring, Love beats his wings
beneath the broad blue sky; in the autumn, we think of those who are
no more. The lungs diseased breathe in a blessed purity; the eyes will
rest on golden copses which impart to the soul their peaceful
stillness. At this moment, when I stood there for the first time, the
mills upon the brooksides gave a voice to the quivering valley; the
poplars were laughing as they swayed; not a cloud was in the sky; the
birds sang, the crickets chirped,--all was melody. Do not ask me again
why I love Touraine. I love it, not as we love our cradle, not as we
love the oasis in a desert; I love it as an artist loves art; I love
it less than I love you; but without Touraine, perhaps I might not now
be living.

Without knowing why, my eyes reverted ever to that white spot, to the
woman who shone in that garden as the bell of a convolvulus shines
amid the underbrush, and wilts if touched. Moved to the soul, I
descended the slope and soon saw a village, which the superabounding
poetry that filled my heart made me fancy without an equal. Imagine
three mills placed among islands of graceful outline crowned with
groves of trees and rising from a field of water,--for what other name
can I give to that aquatic vegetation, so verdant, so finely colored,
which carpeted the river, rose above its surface and undulated upon
it, yielding to its caprices and swaying to the turmoil of the water
when the mill-wheels lashed it. Here and there were mounds of gravel,
against which the wavelets broke in fringes that shimmered in the
sunlight. Amaryllis, water-lilies, reeds, and phloxes decorated the
banks with their glorious tapestry. A trembling bridge of rotten
planks, the abutments swathed with flowers, and the hand-rails green
with perennials and velvet mosses drooping to the river but not
falling to it; mouldering boats, fishing-nets; the monotonous sing-
song of a shepherd; ducks paddling among the islands or preening on
the "jard,"--a name given to the coarse sand which the Loire brings
down; the millers, with their caps over one ear, busily loading their
mules,--all these details made the scene before me one of primitive
simplicity. Imagine, also, beyond the bridge two or three farm-houses,
a dove-cote, turtle-doves, thirty or more dilapidated cottages,
separated by gardens, by hedges of honeysuckle, clematis, and jasmine;
a dunghill beside each door, and cocks and hens about the road. Such
is the village of Pont-de-Ruan, a picturesque little hamlet leading up
to an old church full of character, a church of the days of the
Crusades, such a one as painters desire for their pictures. Surround
this scene with ancient walnut-trees and slim young poplars with their
pale-gold leaves; dot graceful buildings here and there along the
grassy slopes where sight is lost beneath the vaporous, warm sky, and
you will have some idea of one of the points of view of this most
lovely region.

I followed the road to Sache along the left bank of the river,
noticing carefully the details of the hills on the opposite shore. At
length I reached a park embellished with centennial trees, which I
knew to be that of Frapesle. I arrived just as the bell was ringing
for breakfast. After the meal, my host, who little suspected that I
had walked from Tours, carried me over his estate, from the borders of
which I saw the valley on all sides under its many aspects,--here
through a vista, there to its broad extent; often my eyes were drawn
to the horizon along the golden blade of the Loire, where the sails
made fantastic figures among the currents as they flew before the
wind. As we mounted a crest I came in sight of the chateau d'Azay,
like a diamond of many facets in a setting of the Indre, standing on
wooden piles concealed by flowers. Farther on, in a hollow, I saw the
romantic masses of the chateau of Sache, a sad retreat though full of
harmony; too sad for the superficial, but dear to a poet with a soul
in pain. I, too, came to love its silence, its great gnarled trees,
and the nameless mysterious influence of its solitary valley. But now,
each time that we reached an opening towards the neighboring slope
which gave to view the pretty castle I had first noticed in the
morning, I stopped to look at it with pleasure.

"Hey!" said my host, reading in my eyes the sparkling desires which
youth so ingenuously betrays, "so you scent from afar a pretty woman
as a dog scents game!"

I did not like the speech, but I asked the name of the castle and of
its owner.

"It is Clochegourde," he replied; "a pretty house belonging to the
Comte de Mortsauf, the head of an historic family in Touraine, whose
fortune dates from the days of Louis XI., and whose name tells the
story to which they owe their arms and their distinction. Monsieur de
Mortsauf is descended from a man who survived the gallows. The family
bear: Or, a cross potent and counter-potent sable, charged with a
fleur-de-lis or; and 'Dieu saulve le Roi notre Sire,' for motto. The
count settled here after the return of the emigration. The estate
belongs to his wife, a demoiselle de Lenoncourt, of the house of
Lenoncourt-Givry which is now dying out. Madame de Mortsauf is an only
daughter. The limited fortune of the family contrasts strangely with
the distinction of their names; either from pride, or, possibly, from
necessity, they never leave Clochegourde and see no company. Until now
their attachment to the Bourbons explained this retirement, but the
return of the king has not changed their way of living. When I came to
reside here last year I paid them a visit of courtesy; they returned
it and invited us to dinner; the winter separated us for some months,
and political events kept me away from Frapesle until recently. Madame
de Mortsauf is a woman who would hold the highest position wherever
she might be."

"Does she often come to Tours?"

"She never goes there. However," he added, correcting himself, "she
did go there lately to the ball given to the Duc d'Angouleme, who was
very gracious to her husband."

"It was she!" I exclaimed.

"She! who?"

"A woman with beautiful shoulders."

"You will meet a great many women with beautiful shoulders in
Touraine," he said, laughing. "But if you are not tired we can cross
the river and call at Clochegourde and you shall renew acquaintance
with those particular shoulders."

I agreed, not without a blush of shame and pleasure. About four
o'clock we reached the little chateau on which my eyes had fastened
from the first. The building, which is finely effective in the
landscape, is in reality very modest. It has five windows on the
front; those at each end of the facade, looking south, project about
twelve feet,--an architectural device which gives the idea of two
towers and adds grace to the structure. The middle window serves as a
door from which you descend through a double portico into a terraced
garden which joins the narrow strip of grass-land that skirts the
Indre along its whole course. Though this meadow is separated from the
lower terrace, which is shaded by a double line of acacias and
Japanese ailanthus, by the country road, it nevertheless appears from
the house to be a part of the garden, for the road is sunken and
hemmed in on one side by the terrace, on the other side by a Norman
hedge. The terraces being very well managed put enough distance
between the house and the river to avoid the inconvenience of too
great proximity to water, without losing the charms of it. Below the
house are the stables, coach-house, green-houses, and kitchen, the
various openings to which form an arcade. The roof is charmingly
rounded at the angles, and bears mansarde windows with carved mullions
and leaden finials on their gables. This roof, no doubt much neglected
during the Revolution, is stained by a sort of mildew produced by
lichens and the reddish moss which grows on houses exposed to the sun.
The glass door of the portico is surmounted by a little tower which
holds the bell, and on which is carved the escutcheon of the Blamont-
Chauvry family, to which Madame de Mortsauf belonged, as follows:
Gules, a pale vair, flanked quarterly by two hands clasped or, and two
lances in chevron sable. The motto, "Voyez tous, nul ne touche!"
struck me greatly. The supporters, a griffin and dragon gules,
enchained or, made a pretty effect in the carving. The Revolution has
damaged the ducal crown and the crest, which was a palm-tree vert with
fruit or. Senart, the secretary of the committee of public safety was
bailiff of Sache before 1781, which explains this destruction.

These arrangements give an elegant air to the little castle, dainty as
a flower, which seems to scarcely rest upon the earth. Seen from the
valley the ground-floor appears to be the first story; but on the
other side it is on a level with a broad gravelled path leading to a
grass-plot, on which are several flower-beds. To right and left are
vineyards, orchards, and a few acres of tilled land planted with
chestnut-trees which surround the house, the ground falling rapidly to
the Indre, where other groups of trees of variegated shades of green,
chosen by Nature herself, are spread along the shore. I admired these
groups, so charmingly disposed, as we mounted the hilly road which
borders Clochegourde; I breathed an atmosphere of happiness. Has the
moral nature, like the physical nature, its own electrical
communications and its rapid changes of temperature? My heart was
beating at the approach of events then unrevealed which were to change
it forever, just as animals grow livelier when foreseeing fine
weather.

This day, so marked in my life, lacked no circumstance that was needed
to solemnize it. Nature was adorned like a woman to meet her lover. My
soul heard her voice for the first time; my eyes worshipped her, as
fruitful, as varied as my imagination had pictured her in those
school-dreams the influence of which I have tried in a few unskilful
words to explain to you, for they were to me an Apocalypse in which my
life was figuratively foretold; each event, fortunate or unfortunate,
being mated to some one of these strange visions by ties known only to
the soul.

We crossed a court-yard surrounded by buildings necessary for the farm
work,--a barn, a wine-press, cow-sheds, and stables. Warned by the
barking of the watch-dog, a servant came to meet us, saying that
Monsieur le comte had gone to Azay in the morning but would soon
return, and that Madame la comtesse was at home. My companion looked
at me. I fairly trembled lest he should decline to see Madame de
Mortsauf in her husband's absence; but he told the man to announce us.
With the eagerness of a child I rushed into the long antechamber which
crosses the whole house.

"Come in, gentlemen," said a golden voice.

Though Madame de Mortsauf had spoken only one word at the ball, I
recognized her voice, which entered my soul and filled it as a ray of
sunshine fills and gilds a prisoner's dungeon. Thinking, suddenly,
that she might remember my face, my first impulse was to fly; but it
was too late,--she appeared in the doorway, and our eyes met. I know
not which of us blushed deepest. Too much confused for immediate
speech she returned to her seat at an embroidery frame while the
servant placed two chairs, then she drew out her needle and counted
some stitches, as if to explain her silence; after which she raised
her head, gently yet proudly, in the direction of Monsieur de Chessel
as she asked to what fortunate circumstance she owed his visit. Though
curious to know the secret of my unexpected appearance, she looked at
neither of us,--her eyes were fixed on the river; and yet you could
have told by the way she listened that she was able to recognize, as
the blind do, the agitations of a neighboring soul by the
imperceptible inflexions of the voice.

Monsieur de Chessel gave my name and biography. I had lately arrived
at Tours, where my parents had recalled me when the armies threatened
Paris. A son of Touraine to whom Touraine was as yet unknown, she
would find me a young man weakened by excessive study and sent to
Frapesle to amuse himself; he had already shown me his estate, which I
saw for the first time. I had just told him that I had walked from
Tours to Frapesle, and fearing for my health--which was really
delicate--he had stopped at Clochegourde to ask her to allow me to
rest there. Monsieur de Chessel told the truth; but the accident
seemed so forced that Madame de Mortsauf distrusted us. She gave me a
cold, severe glance, under which my own eyelids fell, as much from a
sense of humiliation as to hide the tears that rose beneath them. She
saw the moisture on my forehead, and perhaps she guessed the tears;
for she offered me the restoratives I needed, with a few kind and
consoling words, which gave me back the power of speech. I blushed
like a young girl, and in a voice as tremulous as that of an old man I
thanked her and declined.

"All I ask," I said, raising my eyes to hers, which mine now met for
the second time in a glance as rapid as lightning,--"is to rest here.
I am so crippled with fatigue I really cannot walk farther."

"You must not doubt the hospitality of our beautiful Touraine," she
said; then, turning to my companion, she added: "You will give us the
pleasure of your dining at Clochegourde?"

I threw such a look of entreaty at Monsieur de Chessel that he began
the preliminaries of accepting the invitation, though it was given in
a manner that seemed to expect a refusal. As a man of the world, he
recognized these shades of meaning; but I, a young man without
experience, believed so implicitly in the sincerity between word and
thought of this beautiful woman that I was wholly astonished when my
host said to me, after we reached home that evening, "I stayed because
I saw you were dying to do so; but if you do not succeed in making it
all right, I may find myself on bad terms with my neighbors." That
expression, "if you do not make it all right," made me ponder the
matter deeply. In other words, if I pleased Madame de Mortsauf, she
would not be displeased with the man who introduced me to her. He
evidently thought I had the power to please her; this in itself gave
me that power, and corroborated my inward hope at a moment when it
needed some outward succor.

"I am afraid it will be difficult," he began; "Madame de Chessel
expects us."

"She has you every day," replied the countess; "besides, we can send
her word. Is she alone?"

"No, the Abbe de Quelus is there."

"Well, then," she said, rising to ring the bell, "you really must dine
with us."

This time Monsieur de Chessel thought her in earnest, and gave me a
congratulatory look. As soon as I was sure of passing a whole evening
under that roof I seemed to have eternity before me. For many
miserable beings to-morrow is a word without meaning, and I was of the
number who had no faith in it; when I was certain of a few hours of
happiness I made them contain a whole lifetime of delight.

Madame de Mortsauf talked about local affairs, the harvest, the
vintage, and other matters to which I was a total stranger. This
usually argues either a want of breeding or great contempt for the
stranger present who is thus shut out from the conversation, but in
this case it was embarrassment. Though at first I thought she treated
me as a child and I envied the man of thirty to whom she talked of
serious matters which I could not comprehend, I came, a few months
later, to understand how significant a woman's silence often is, and
how many thoughts a voluble conversation masks. At first I attempted
to be at my ease and take part in it, then I perceived the advantages
of my situation and gave myself up to the charm of listening to Madame
de Mortsauf's voice. The breath of her soul rose and fell among the
syllables as sound is divided by the notes of a flute; it died away to
the ear as it quickened the pulsation of the blood. Her way of
uttering the terminations in "i" was like a bird's song; the "ch" as
she said it was a kiss, but the "t's" were an echo of her heart's
despotism. She thus extended, without herself knowing that she did so,
the meaning of her words, leading the soul of the listener into
regions above this earth. Many a time I have continued a discussion I
could easily have ended, many a time I have allowed myself to be
unjustly scolded that I might listen to those harmonies of the human
voice, that I might breathe the air of her soul as it left her lips,
and strain to my soul that spoken light as I would fain have strained
the speaker to my breast. A swallow's song of joy it was when she was
gay!--but when she spoke of her griefs, a swan's voice calling to its
mates!

Madame de Mortsauf's inattention to my presence enabled me to examine
her. My eyes rejoiced as they glided over the sweet speaker; they
kissed her feet, they clasped her waist, they played with the ringlets
of her hair. And yet I was a prey to terror, as all who, once in their
lives, have experienced the illimitable joys of a true passion will
understand. I feared she would detect me if I let my eyes rest upon
the shoulder I had kissed, and the fear sharpened the temptation. I
yielded, I looked, my eyes tore away the covering; I saw the mole
which lay where the pretty line between the shoulders started, and
which, ever since the ball, had sparkled in that twilight which seems
the region of the sleep of youths whose imagination is ardent and
whose life is chaste.

I can sketch for you the leading features which all eyes saw in Madame
de Mortsauf; but no drawing, however correct, no color, however warm,
can represent her to you. Her face was of those that require the
unattainable artist, whose hand can paint the reflection of inward
fires and render that luminous vapor which defies science and is not
revealable by language--but which a lover sees. Her soft, fair hair
often caused her much suffering, no doubt through sudden rushes of
blood to the head. Her brow, round and prominent like that of Joconda,
teemed with unuttered thoughts, restrained feelings--flowers drowning
in bitter waters. The eyes, of a green tinge flecked with brown, were
always wan; but if her children were in question, or if some keen
condition of joy or suffering (rare in the lives of all resigned
women) seized her, those eyes sent forth a subtile gleam as if from
fires that were consuming her,--the gleam that wrung the tears from
mine when she covered me with her contempt, and which sufficed to
lower the boldest eyelid. A Grecian nose, designed it might be by
Phidias, and united by its double arch to lips that were gracefully
curved, spiritualized the face, which was oval with a skin of the
texture of a white camellia colored with soft rose-tints upon the
cheeks. Her plumpness did not detract from the grace of her figure nor
from the rounded outlines which made her shape beautiful though well
developed. You will understand the character of this perfection when I
say that where the dazzling treasures which had so fascinated me
joined the arm there was no crease or wrinkle. No hollow disfigured
the base of her head, like those which make the necks of some women
resemble trunks of trees; her muscles were not harshly defined, and
everywhere the lines were rounded into curves as fugitive to the eye
as to the pencil. A soft down faintly showed upon her cheeks and on
the outline of her throat, catching the light which made it silken.
Her little ears, perfect in shape, were, as she said herself, the ears
of a mother and a slave. In after days, when our hearts were one, she
would say to me, "Here comes Monsieur de Mortsauf"; and she was right,
though I, whose hearing is remarkably acute, could hear nothing.

Her arms were beautiful. The curved fingers of the hand were long, and
the flesh projected at the side beyond the finger-nails, like those of
antique statues. I should displease you, I know, if you were not
yourself an exception to my rule, when I say that flat waists should
have the preference over round ones. The round waist is a sign of
strength; but women thus formed are imperious, self-willed, and more
voluptuous than tender. On the other hand, women with flat waists are
devoted in soul, delicately perceptive, inclined to sadness, more
truly woman than the other class. The flat waist is supple and
yielding; the round waist is inflexible and jealous.

You now know how she was made. She had the foot of a well-bred woman,
--the foot that walks little, is quickly tired, and delights the eye
when it peeps beneath the dress. Though she was the mother of two
children, I have never met any woman so truly a young girl as she. Her
whole air was one of simplicity, joined to a certain bashful
dreaminess which attracted others, just as a painter arrests our steps
before a figure into which his genius has conveyed a world of
sentiment. If you recall the pure, wild fragrance of the heath we
gathered on our return from the Villa Diodati, the flower whose tints
of black and rose you praised so warmly, you can fancy how this woman
could be elegant though remote from the social world, natural in
expression, fastidious in all things which became part of herself,--in
short, like the heath of mingled colors. Her body had the freshness we
admire in the unfolding leaf; her spirit the clear conciseness of the
aboriginal mind; she was a child by feeling, grave through suffering,
the mistress of a household, yet a maiden too. Therefore she charmed
artlessly and unconsciously, by her way of sitting down or rising, of
throwing in a word or keeping silence. Though habitually collected,
watchful as the sentinel on whom the safety of others depends and who
looks for danger, there were moments when smiles would wreathe her
lips and betray the happy nature buried beneath the saddened bearing
that was the outcome of her life. Her gift of attraction was
mysterious. Instead of inspiring the gallant attentions which other
women seek, she made men dream, letting them see her virginal nature
of pure flame, her celestial visions, as we see the azure heavens
through rifts in the clouds. This involuntary revelation of her being
made others thoughtful. The rarity of her gestures, above all, the
rarity of her glances--for, excepting her children, she seldom looked
at any one--gave a strange solemnity to all she said and did when her
words or actions seemed to her to compromise her dignity.

On this particular morning Madame de Mortsauf wore a rose-colored gown
patterned in tiny stripes, a collar with a wide hem, a black belt, and
little boots of the same hue. Her hair was simply twisted round her
head, and held in place by a tortoise-shell comb. Such, my dear
Natalie, is the imperfect sketch I promised you. But the constant
emanation of her soul upon her family, that nurturing essence shed in
floods around her as the sun emits its light, her inward nature, her
cheerfulness on days serene, her resignation on stormy ones,--all
those variations of expression by which character is displayed depend,
like the effects in the sky, on unexpected and fugitive circumstances,
which have no connection with each other except the background against
which they rest, though all are necessarily mingled with the events of
this history,--truly a household epic, as great to the eyes of a wise
man as a tragedy to the eyes of the crowd, an epic in which you will
feel an interest, not only for the part I took in it, but for the
likeness that it bears to the destinies of so vast a number of women.

Everything at Clochegourde bore signs of a truly English cleanliness.
The room in which the countess received us was panelled throughout and
painted in two shades of gray. The mantelpiece was ornamented with a
clock inserted in a block of mahogany and surmounted with a tazza, and
two large vases of white porcelain with gold lines, which held bunches
of Cape heather. A lamp was on a pier-table, and a backgammon board on
legs before the fireplace. Two wide bands of cotton held back the
white cambric curtains, which had no fringe. The furniture was covered
with gray cotton bound with a green braid, and the tapestry on the
countess's frame told why the upholstery was thus covered. Such
simplicity rose to grandeur. No apartment, among all that I have seen
since, has given me such fertile, such teeming impressions as those
that filled my mind in that salon of Clochegourde, calm and composed
as the life of its mistress, where the conventual regularity of her
occupations made itself felt. The greater part of my ideas in science
or politics, even the boldest of them, were born in that room, as
perfumes emanate from flowers; there grew the mysterious plant that
cast upon my soul its fructifying pollen; there glowed the solar
warmth which developed my good and shrivelled my evil qualities.
Through the windows the eye took in the valley from the heights of
Pont-de-Ruan to the chateau d'Azay, following the windings of the
further shore, picturesquely varied by the towers of Frapesle, the
church, the village, and the old manor-house of Sache, whose venerable
pile looked down upon the meadows.

In harmony with this reposeful life, and without other excitements to
emotion than those arising in the family, this scene conveyed to the
soul its own serenity. If I had met her there for the first time,
between the count and her two children, instead of seeing her
resplendent in a ball dress, I should not have ravished that delirious
kiss, which now filled me with remorse and with the fear of having
lost the future of my love. No; in the gloom of my unhappy life I
should have bent my knee and kissed the hem of her garment, wetting it
with tears, and then I might have flung myself into the Indre. But
having breathed the jasmine perfume of her skin and drunk the milk of
that cup of love, my soul had acquired the knowledge and the hope of
human joys; I would live and await the coming of happiness as the
savage awaits his hour of vengeance; I longed to climb those trees, to
creep among the vines, to float in the river; I wanted the
companionship of night and its silence, I needed lassitude of body, I
craved the heat of the sun to make the eating of the delicious apple
into which I had bitten perfect. Had she asked of me the singing
flower, the riches buried by the comrades of Morgan the destroyer, I
would have sought them, to obtain those other riches and that mute
flower for which I longed.

When my dream, the dream into which this first contemplation of my
idol plunged me, came to an end and I heard her speaking of Monsieur
de Mortsauf, the thought came that a woman must belong to her husband,
and a raging curiosity possessed me to see the owner of this treasure.
Two emotions filled my mind, hatred and fear,--hatred which allowed of
no obstacles and measured all without shrinking, and a vague, but real
fear of the struggle, of its issue, and above all of HER.

"Here is Monsieur de Mortsauf," she said.

I sprang to my feet like a startled horse. Though the movement was
seen by Monsieur de Chessel and the countess, neither made any
observation, for a diversion was effected at this moment by the
entrance of a little girl, whom I took to be about six years old, who
came in exclaiming, "Here's papa!"

"Madeleine?" said her mother, gently.

The child at once held out her hand to Monsieur de Chessel, and looked
attentively at me after making a little bow with an air of
astonishment.

"Are you more satisfied about her health?" asked Monsieur de Chessel.

"She is better," replied the countess, caressing the little head which
was already nestling in her lap.

The next question of Monsieur de Chessel let me know that Madeleine
was nine years old; I showed great surprise, and immediately the
clouds gathered on the mother's brow. My companion threw me a
significant look,--one of those which form the education of men of the
world. I had stumbled no doubt upon some maternal wound the covering
of which should have been respected. The sickly child, whose eyes were
pallid and whose skin was white as a porcelain vase with a light
within it, would probably not have lived in the atmosphere of a city.
Country air and her mother's brooding care had kept the life in that
frail body, delicate as a hot-house plant growing in a harsh and
foreign climate. Though in nothing did she remind me of her mother,
Madeleine seemed to have her soul, and that soul held her up. Her hair
was scanty and black, her eyes and cheeks hollow, her arms thin, her
chest narrow, showing a battle between life and death, a duel without
truce in which the mother had so far been victorious. The child willed
to live,--perhaps to spare her mother, for at times, when not
observed, she fell into the attitude of a weeping-willow. You might
have thought her a little gypsy dying of hunger, begging her way,
exhausted but always brave and dressed up to play her part.

"Where have you left Jacques?" asked the countess, kissing the white
line which parted the child's hair into two bands that looked like a
crow's wings.

"He is coming with papa."

Just then the count entered, holding his son by the hand. Jacques, the
image of his sister, showed the same signs of weakness. Seeing these
sickly children beside a mother so magnificently healthy it was
impossible not to guess at the causes of the grief which clouded her
brow and kept her silent on a subject she could take to God only. As
he bowed, Monsieur de Mortsauf gave me a glance that was less
observing than awkwardly uneasy,--the glance of a man whose distrust
grows out of his inability to analyze. After explaining the
circumstances of our visit, and naming me to him, the countess gave
him her place and left the room. The children, whose eyes were on
those of their mother as if they drew the light of theirs from hers,
tried to follow her; but she said, with a finger on her lips, "Stay
dears!" and they obeyed, but their eyes filled. Ah! to hear that one
word "dears" what tasks they would have undertaken!

Like the children, I felt less warm when she had left us. My name
seemed to change the count's feeling toward me. Cold and supercilious
in his first glance, he became at once, if not affectionate, at least
politely attentive, showing me every consideration and seeming pleased
to receive me as a guest. My father had formerly done devoted service
to the Bourbons, and had played an important and perilous, though
secret part. When their cause was lost by the elevation of Napoleon,
he took refuge in the quietude of the country and domestic life,
accepting the unmerited accusations that followed him as the
inevitable reward of those who risk all to win all, and who succumb
after serving as pivot to the political machine. Knowing nothing of
the fortunes, nor of the past, nor of the future of my family, I was
unaware of this devoted service which the Comte de Mortsauf well
remembered. Moreover, the antiquity of our name, the most precious
quality of a man in his eyes, added to the warmth of his greeting. I
knew nothing of these reasons until later; for the time being the
sudden transition to cordiality put me at my ease. When the two
children saw that we were all three fairly engaged in conversation,
Madeleine slipped her head from her father's hand, glanced at the open
door, and glided away like an eel, Jacques following her. They
rejoined their mother, and I heard their voices and their movements,
sounding in the distance like the murmur of bees about a hive.

I watched the count, trying to guess his character, but I became so
interested in certain leading traits that I got no further than a
superficial examination of his personality. Though he was only forty-
five years old, he seemed nearer sixty, so much had the great
shipwreck at the close of the eighteenth century aged him. The
crescent of hair which monastically fringed the back of his head,
otherwise completely bald, ended at the ears in little tufts of gray
mingled with black. His face bore a vague resemblance to that of a
white wolf with blood about its muzzle, for his nose was inflamed and
gave signs of a life poisoned at its springs and vitiated by diseases
of long standing. His flat forehead, too broad for the face beneath
it, which ended in a point, and transversely wrinkled in crooked
lines, gave signs of a life in the open air, but not of any mental
activity; it also showed the burden of constant misfortunes, but not
of any efforts made to surmount them. His cheekbones, which were brown
and prominent amid the general pallor of his skin, showed a physical
structure which was likely to ensure him a long life. His hard, light-
yellow eye fell upon mine like a ray of wintry sun, bright without
warmth, anxious without thought, distrustful without conscious cause.
His mouth was violent and domineering, his chin flat and long. Thin
and very tall, he had the bearing of a gentleman who relies upon the
conventional value of his caste, who knows himself above others by
right, and beneath them in fact. The carelessness of country life had
made him neglect his external appearance. His dress was that of a
country-man whom peasants and neighbors no longer considered except
for his territorial worth. His brown and wiry hands showed that he
wore no gloves unless he mounted a horse, or went to church, and his
shoes were thick and common.

Though ten years of emigration and ten years more of farm-life had
changed his physical condition, he still retained certain vestiges of
nobility. The bitterest liberal (a term not then in circulation) would
readily have admitted his chivalric loyalty and the imperishable
convictions of one who puts his faith to the "Quotidienne"; he would
have felt respect for the man religiously devoted to a cause, honest
in his political antipathies, incapable of serving his party but very
capable of injuring it, and without the slightest real knowledge of
the affairs of France. The count was in fact one of those upright men
who are available for nothing, but stand obstinately in the way of
all; ready to die under arms at the post assigned to them, but
preferring to give their life rather than to give their money.

During dinner I detected, in the hanging of his flaccid cheeks and the
covert glances he cast now and then upon his children, the traces of
some wearing thought which showed for a moment upon the surface.
Watching him, who could fail to understand him? Who would not have
seen that he had fatally transmitted to his children those weakly
bodies in which the principle of life was lacking. But if he blamed
himself he denied to others the right to judge him. Harsh as one who
knows himself in fault, yet without greatness of soul or charm to
compensate for the weight of misery he had thrown into the balance,
his private life was no doubt the scene of irascibilities that were
plainly revealed in his angular features and by the incessant
restlessness of his eye. When his wife returned, followed by the
children who seemed fastened to her side, I felt the presence of
unhappiness, just as in walking over the roof of a vault the feet
become in some way conscious of the depths below. Seeing these four
human beings together, holding them all as it were in one glance,
letting my eye pass from one to the other, studying their countenances
and their respective attitudes, thoughts steeped in sadness fell upon
my heart as a fine gray rain dims a charming landscape after the sun
has risen clear.

When the immediate subject of conversation was exhausted the count
told his wife who I was, and related certain circumstances connected
with my family that were wholly unknown to me. He asked me my age.
When I told it, the countess echoed my own exclamation of surprise at
her daughter's age. Perhaps she had thought me fifteen. Later on, I
discovered that this was still another tie which bound her strongly to
me. Even then I read her soul. Her motherhood quivered with a tardy
ray of hope. Seeing me at over twenty years of age so slight and
delicate and yet so nervously strong, a voice cried to her, "They too
will live!" She looked at me searchingly, and in that moment I felt
the barriers of ice melting between us. She seemed to have many
questions to ask, but uttered none.

"If study has made you ill," she said, "the air of our valley will
soon restore you."

"Modern education is fatal to children," remarked the count. "We stuff
them with mathematics and ruin their health with sciences, and make
them old before their time. You must stay and rest here," he added,
turning to me. "You are crushed by the avalanche of ideas that have
rolled down upon you. What sort of future will this universal
education bring upon us unless we prevent its evils by replacing
public education in the hands of the religious bodies?"

These words were in harmony with a speech he afterwards made at the
elections when he refused his support to a man whose gifts would have
done good service to the royalist cause. "I shall always distrust men
of talent," he said.

Presently the count proposed that we should make the tour of the
gardens.

"Monsieur--" said his wife.

"Well, what, my dear?" he said, turning to her with an arrogant
harshness which showed plainly enough how absolute he chose to be in
his own home.

"Monsieur de Vandenesse walked from Tours this morning and Monsieur de
Chessel, not aware of it, has already taken him on foot over
Frapesle."

"Very imprudent of you," the count said, turning to me; "but at your
age--" and he shook his head in sign of regret.

The conversation was resumed. I soon saw how intractable his royalism
was, and how much care was needed to swim safely in his waters. The
man-servant, who had now put on his livery, announced dinner. Monsieur
de Chessel gave his arm to Madame de Mortsauf, and the count gaily
seized mine to lead me into the dining-room, which was on the ground-
floor facing the salon.

This room, floored with white tiles made in Touraine, and wainscoted
to the height of three feet, was hung with a varnished paper divided
into wide panels by wreaths of flowers and fruit; the windows had
cambric curtains trimmed with red, the buffets were old pieces by
Boulle himself, and the woodwork of the chairs, which were covered by
hand-made tapestry, was carved oak. The dinner, plentifully supplied,
was not luxurious; family silver without uniformity, Dresden china
which was not then in fashion, octagonal decanters, knives with agate
handles, and lacquered trays beneath the wine-bottles, were the chief
features of the table, but flowers adorned the porcelain vases and
overhung the gilding of their fluted edges. I delighted in these
quaint old things. I thought the Reveillon paper with its flowery
garlands beautiful. The sweet content that filled my sails hindered me
from perceiving the obstacles which a life so uniform, so unvarying in
solitude of the country placed between her and me. I was near her,
sitting at her right hand, serving her with wine. Yes, unhoped-for
joy! I touched her dress, I ate her bread. At the end of three hours
my life had mingled with her life! That terrible kiss had bound us to
each other in a secret which inspired us with mutual shame. A glorious
self-abasement took possession of me. I studied to please the count, I
fondled the dogs, I would gladly have gratified every desire of the
children, I would have brought them hoops and marbles and played horse
with them; I was even provoked that they did not already fasten upon
me as a thing of their own. Love has intuitions like those of genius;
and I dimly perceived that gloom, discontent, hostility would destroy
my footing in that household.

The dinner passed with inward happiness on my part. Feeling that I was
there, under her roof, I gave no heed to her obvious coldness, nor to
the count's indifference masked by his politeness. Love, like life,
has an adolescence during which period it suffices unto itself. I made
several stupid replies induced by the tumults of passion, but no one
perceived their cause, not even SHE, who knew nothing of love. The
rest of my visit was a dream, a dream which did not cease until by
moonlight on that warm and balmy night I recrossed the Indre, watching
the white visions that embellished meadows, shores, and hills, and
listening to the clear song, the matchless note, full of deep
melancholy and uttered only in still weather, of a tree-frog whose
scientific name is unknown to me. Since that solemn evening I have
never heard it without infinite delight. A sense came to me then of
the marble wall against which my feelings had hitherto dashed
themselves. Would it be always so? I fancied myself under some fatal
spell; the unhappy events of my past life rose up and struggled with
the purely personal pleasure I had just enjoyed. Before reaching
Frapesle I turned to look at Clochegourde and saw beneath its windows
a little boat, called in Touraine a punt, fastened to an ash-tree and
swaying on the water. This punt belonged to Monsieur de Mortsauf, who
used it for fishing.

"Well," said Monsieur de Chessel, when we were out of ear-shot. "I
needn't ask if you found those shoulders; I must, however,
congratulate you on the reception Monsieur de Mortsauf gave you. The
devil! you stepped into his heart at once."

These words followed by those I have already quoted to you raised my
spirits. I had not as yet said a word, and Monsieur de Chessel may
have attributed my silence to happiness.

"How do you mean?" I asked.

"He never, to my knowledge, received any one so well."

"I will admit that I am rather surprised myself," I said, conscious of
a certain bitterness underlying my companion's speech.

Though I was too inexpert in social matters to understand its cause, I
was much struck by the feeling Monsieur de Chessel betrayed. His real
name was Durand, but he had had the weakness to discard the name of a
worthy father, a merchant who had made a large fortune under the
Revolution. His wife was sole heiress of the Chessels, an old
parliamentary family under Henry IV., belonging to the middle classes,
as did most of the Parisian magistrates. Ambitious of higher flights
Monsieur de Chessel endeavored to smother the original Durand. He
first called himself Durand de Chessel, then D. de Chessel, and that
made him Monsieur de Chessel. Under the Restoration he entailed an
estate with the title of count in virtue of letters-patent from Louis
XVIII. His children reaped the fruits of his audacity without knowing
what it cost him in sarcastic comments. Parvenus are like monkeys,
whose cleverness they possess; we watch them climbing, we admire their
agility, but once at the summit we see only their absurd and
contemptible parts. The reverse side of my host's character was made
up of pettiness with the addition of envy. The peerage and he were on
diverging lines. To have an ambition and gratify it shows merely the
insolence of strength, but to live below one's avowed ambition is a
constant source of ridicule to petty minds. Monsieur de Chessel did
not advance with the straightforward step of a strong man. Twice
elected deputy, twice defeated; yesterday director-general, to-day
nothing at all, not even prefect, his successes and his defeats had
injured his nature, and given him the sourness of invalided ambition.
Though a brave man and a witty one and capable of great things, envy,
which is the root of existence in Touraine, the inhabitants of which
employ their native genius in jealousy of all things, injured him in
upper social circles, where a dissatisfied man, frowning at the
success of others, slow at compliments and ready at epigram, seldom
succeeds. Had he sought less he might perhaps have obtained more; but
unhappily he had enough genuine superiority to make him wish to
advance in his own way.

At this particular time Monsieur de Chessel's ambition had a second
dawn. Royalty smiled upon him, and he was now affecting the grand
manner. Still he was, I must say, most kind to me, and he pleased me
for the very simple reason that with him I had found peace and rest
for the first time. The interest, possibly very slight, which he
showed in my affairs, seemed to me, lonely and rejected as I was, an
image of paternal love. His hospitable care contrasted so strongly
with the neglect to which I was accustomed, that I felt a childlike
gratitude to the home where no fetters bound me and where I was
welcomed and even courted.

The owners of Frapesle are so associated with the dawn of my life's
happiness that I mingle them in all those memories I love to revive.
Later, and more especially in connection with his letters-patent, I
had the pleasure of doing my host some service. Monsieur de Chessel
enjoyed his wealth with an ostentation that gave umbrage to certain of
his neighbors. He was able to vary and renew his fine horses and
elegant equipages; his wife dressed exquisitely; he received on a
grand scale; his servants were more numerous than his neighbors
approved; for all of which he was said to be aping princes. The
Frapesle estate is immense. Before such luxury as this the Comte de
Mortsauf, with one family cariole,--which in Touraine is something
between a coach without springs and a post-chaise,--forced by limited
means to let or farm Clochegourde, was Tourangean up to the time when
royal favor restored the family to a distinction possibly unlooked
for. His greeting to me, the younger son of a ruined family whose
escutcheon dated back to the Crusades, was intended to show contempt
for the large fortune and to belittle the possessions, the woods, the
arable lands, the meadows, of a neighbor who was not of noble birth.
Monsieur de Chessel fully understood this. They always met politely;
but there was none of that daily intercourse or that agreeable
intimacy which ought to have existed between Clochegourde and
Frapesle, two estates separated only by the Indre, and whose
mistresses could have beckoned to each other from their windows.

Jealousy, however, was not the sole reason for the solitude in which
the Count de Mortsauf lived. His early education was that of the
children of great families,--an incomplete and superficial instruction
as to knowledge, but supplemented by the training of society, the
habits of a court life, and the exercise of important duties under the
crown or in eminent offices. Monsieur de Mortsauf had emigrated at the
very moment when the second stage of his education was about to begin,
and accordingly that training was lacking to him. He was one of those
who believed in the immediate restoration of the monarchy; with that
conviction in his mind, his exile was a long and miserable period of
idleness. When the army of Conde, which his courage led him to join
with the utmost devotion, was disbanded, he expected to find some
other post under the white flag, and never sought, like other
emigrants, to take up an industry. Perhaps he had not the sort of
courage that could lay aside his name and earn his living in the sweat
of a toil he despised. His hopes, daily postponed to the morrow, and
possibly a scruple of honor, kept him from offering his services to
foreign powers. Trials undermined his courage. Long tramps afoot on
insufficient nourishment, and above all, on hopes betrayed, injured
his health and discouraged his mind. By degrees he became utterly
destitute. If to some men misery is a tonic, on others it acts as a
dissolvent; and the count was of the latter.

Reflecting on the life of this poor Touraine gentleman, tramping and
sleeping along the highroads of Hungary, sharing the mutton of Prince
Esterhazy's shepherds, from whom the foot-worn traveller begged the
food he would not, as a gentleman, have accepted at the table of the
master, and refusing again and again to do service to the enemies of
France, I never found it in my heart to feel bitterness against him,
even when I saw him at his worst in after days. The natural gaiety of
a Frenchman and a Tourangean soon deserted him; he became morose, fell
ill, and was charitably cared for in some German hospital. His disease
was an inflammation of the mesenteric membrane, which is often fatal,
and is liable, even if cured, to change the constitution and produce
hypochondria. His love affairs, carefully buried out of sight and
which I alone discovered, were low-lived, and not only destroyed his
health but ruined his future.

After twelve years of great misery he made his way to France, under
the decree of the Emperor which permitted the return of the emigrants.
As the wretched wayfarer crossed the Rhine and saw the tower of
Strasburg against the evening sky, his strength gave way. "'France!
France!' I cried. 'I see France!'" (he said to me) "as a child cries
'Mother!' when it is hurt." Born to wealth, he was now poor; made to
command a regiment or govern a province, he was now without authority
and without a future; constitutionally healthy and robust, he returned
infirm and utterly worn out. Without enough education to take part
among men and affairs, now broadened and enlarged by the march of
events, necessarily without influence of any kind, he lived despoiled
of everything, of his moral strength as well as his physical. Want of
money made his name a burden. His unalterable opinions, his
antecedents with the army of Conde, his trials, his recollections, his
wasted health, gave him susceptibilities which are but little spared
in France, that land of jest and sarcasm. Half dead he reached Maine,
where, by some accident of the civil war, the revolutionary government
had forgotten to sell one of his farms of considerable extent, which
his farmer had held for him by giving out that he himself was the
owner of it.

When the Lenoncourt family, living at Givry, an estate not far from
this farm, heard of the arrival of the Comte de Mortsauf, the Duc de
Lenoncourt invited him to stay at Givry while a house was being
prepared for him. The Lenoncourt family were nobly generous to him,
and with them he remained some months, struggling to hide his
sufferings during that first period of rest. The Lenoncourts had
themselves lost an immense property. By birth Monsieur de Mortsauf was
a suitable husband for their daughter. Mademoiselle de Lenoncourt,
instead of rejecting a marriage with a feeble and worn-out man of
thirty-five, seemed satisfied to accept it. It gave her the
opportunity of living with her aunt, the Duchesse de Verneuil, sister
of the Prince de Blamont-Chauvry, who was like a mother to her.

Madame de Verneuil, the intimate friend of the Duchesse de Bourbon,
was a member of the devout society of which Monsieur Saint-Martin
(born in Touraine and called the Philosopher of Mystery) was the soul.
The disciples of this philosopher practised the virtues taught them by
the lofty doctrines of mystical illumination. These doctrines hold the
key to worlds divine; they explain existence by reincarnations through
which the human spirit rises to its sublime destiny; they liberate
duty from its legal degradation, enable the soul to meet the trials of
life with the unalterable serenity of the Quaker, ordain contempt for
the sufferings of this life, and inspire a fostering care of that
angel within us who allies us to the divine. It is stoicism with an
immortal future. Active prayer and pure love are the elements of this
faith, which is born of the Roman Church but returns to the
Christianity of the primitive faith. Mademoiselle de Lenoncourt
remained, however, in the Catholic communion, to which her aunt was
equally bound. Cruelly tried by revolutionary horrors, the Duchesse de
Verneuil acquired in the last years of her life a halo of passionate
piety, which, to use the phraseology of Saint-Martin, shed the light
of celestial love and the chrism of inward joy upon the soul of her
cherished niece.

After the death of her aunt, Madame de Mortsauf received several
visits at Clochegourde from Saint-Martin, a man of peace and of
virtuous wisdom. It was at Clochegourde that he corrected his last
books, printed at Tours by Letourmy. Madame de Verneuil, wise with the
wisdom of an old woman who has known the stormy straits of life, gave
Clochegourde to the young wife for her married home; and with the
grace of old age, so perfect where it exists, the duchess yielded
everything to her niece, reserving for herself only one room above the
one she had always occupied, and which she now fitted up for the
countess. Her sudden death threw a gloom over the early days of the
marriage, and connected Clochegourde with ideas of sadness in the
sensitive mind of the bride. The first period of her settlement in
Touraine was to Madame de Mortsauf, I cannot say the happiest, but the
least troubled of her life.

After the many trials of his exile, Monsieur de Mortsauf, taking
comfort in the thought of a secure future, had a certain recovery of
mind; he breathed anew in this sweet valley the intoxicating essence
of revived hope. Compelled to husband his means, he threw himself into
agricultural pursuits and began to find some happiness in life. But
the birth of his first child, Jacques, was a thunderbolt which ruined
both the past and the future. The doctor declared the child had not
vitality enough to live. The count concealed this sentence from the
mother; but he sought other advice, and received the same fatal
answer, the truth of which was confirmed at the subsequent birth of
Madeleine. These events and a certain inward consciousness of the
cause of this disaster increased the diseased tendencies of the man
himself. His name doomed to extinction, a pure and irreproachable
young woman made miserable beside him and doomed to the anguish of
maternity without its joys--this uprising of his former into his
present life, with its growth of new sufferings, crushed his spirit
and completed its destruction.

The countess guessed the past from the present, and read the future.
Though nothing is so difficult as to make a man happy when he knows
himself to blame, she set herself to that task, which is worthy of an
angel. She became stoical. Descending into an abyss, whence she still
could see the sky, she devoted herself to the care of one man as the
sister of charity devotes herself to many. To reconcile him with
himself, she forgave him that for which he had no forgiveness. The
count grew miserly; she accepted the privations he imposed. Like all
who have known the world only to acquire its suspiciousness, he feared
betrayal; she lived in solitude and yielded without a murmur to his
mistrust. With a woman's tact she made him will to do that which was
right, till he fancied the ideas were his own, and thus enjoyed in his
own person the honors of a superiority that was never his. After due
experience of married life, she came to the resolution of never
leaving Clochegourde; for she saw the hysterical tendencies of the
count's nature, and feared the outbreaks which might be talked of in
that gossipping and jealous neighborhood to the injury of her
children. Thus, thanks to her, no one suspected Monsieur de Mortsauf's
real incapacity, for she wrapped his ruins in a mantle of ivy. The
fickle, not merely discontented but embittered nature of the man found
rest and ease in his wife; his secret anguish was lessened by the balm
she shed upon it.

This brief history is in part a summary of that forced from Monsieur
de Chessel by his inward vexation. His knowledge of the world enabled
him to penetrate several of the mysteries of Clochegourde. But the
prescience of love could not be misled by the sublime attitude with
which Madame de Mortsauf deceived the world. When alone in my little
bedroom, a sense of the full truth made me spring from my bed; I could
not bear to stay at Frapesle when I saw the lighted windows of
Clochegourde. I dressed, went softly down, and left the chateau by the
door of a tower at the foot of a winding stairway. The coolness of the
night calmed me. I crossed the Indre by the bridge at the Red Mill,
took the ever-blessed punt, and rowed in front of Clochegourde, where
a brilliant light was streaming from a window looking towards Azay.

Again I plunged into my old meditations; but they were now peaceful,
intermingled with the love-note of the nightingale and the solitary
cry of the sedge-warbler. Ideas glided like fairies through my mind,
lifting the black veil which had hidden till then the glorious future.
Soul and senses were alike charmed. With what passion my thoughts rose
to her! Again and again I cried, with the repetition of a madman,
"Will she be mine?" During the preceding days the universe had
enlarged to me, but now in a single night I found its centre. On her
my will and my ambition henceforth fastened; I desired to be all in
all to her, that I might heal and fill her lacerated heart.

Beautiful was that night beneath her windows, amid the murmur of
waters rippling through the sluices, broken only by a voice that told
the hours from the clock-tower of Sache. During those hours of
darkness bathed in light, when this sidereal flower illumined my
existence, I betrothed to her my soul with the faith of the poor
Castilian knight whom we laugh at in the pages of Cervantes,--a faith,
nevertheless, with which all love begins.

At the first gleam of day, the first note of the waking birds, I fled
back among the trees of Frapesle and reached the house; no one had
seen me, no one suspected by absence, and I slept soundly until the
bell rang for breakfast. When the meal was over I went down, in spite
of the heat, to the meadow-lands for another sight of the Indre and
its isles, the valley and its slopes, of which I seemed so passionate
an admirer. But once there, thanks to a swiftness of foot like that of
a loose horse, I returned to my punt, the willows, and Clochegourde.
All was silent and palpitating, as a landscape is at midday in summer.
The still foliage lay sharply defined on the blue of the sky; the
insects that live by light, the dragon-flies, the cantharides, were
flying among the reeds and the ash-trees; cattle chewed the cud in the
shade, the ruddy earth of the vineyards glowed, the adders glided up
and down the banks. What a change in the sparkling and coquettish
landscape while I slept! I sprang suddenly from the boat and ran up
the road which went round Clochegourde for I fancied that I saw the
count coming out. I was not mistaken; he was walking beside the hedge,
evidently making for a gate on the road to Azay which followed the
bank of the river.

"How are you this morning, Monsieur le comte?"

He looked at me pleasantly, not being used to hear himself thus
addressed.

"Quite well," he answered. "You must love the country, to be rambling
about in this heat!"

"I was sent here to live in the open air."

"Then what do you say to coming with me to see them cut my rye?"

"Gladly," I replied. "I'll own to you that my ignorance is past
belief; I don't know rye from wheat, nor a poplar from an aspen; I
know nothing of farming, nor of the various methods of cultivating the
soil."

"Well, come and learn," he cried gaily, returning upon his steps.
"Come in by the little gate above."

The count walked back along the hedge, he being within it and I
without.

"You will learn nothing from Monsieur de Chessel," he remarked; "he is
altogether too fine a gentleman to do more than receive the reports of
his bailiff."

The count then showed me his yards and the farm buildings, the
pleasure-grounds, orchards, vineyards, and kitchen garden, until we
finally came to the long alley of acacias and ailanthus beside the
river, at the end of which I saw Madame de Mortsauf sitting on a
bench, with her children. A woman is very lovely under the light and
quivering shade of such foliage. Surprised, perhaps, at my prompt
visit, she did not move, knowing very well that we should go to her.
The count made me admire the view of the valley, which at this point
is totally different from that seen from the heights above. Here I
might have thought myself in a corner of Switzerland. The meadows,
furrowed with little brooks which flow into the Indre, can be seen to
their full extent till lost in the misty distance. Towards Montbazon
the eye ranges over a vast green plain; in all other directions it is
stopped by hills, by masses of trees, and rocks. We quickened our
steps as we approached Madame de Mortsauf, who suddenly dropped the
book in which Madeleine was reading to her and took Jacques upon her
knees, in the paroxysms of a violent cough.

"What's the matter?" cried the count, turning livid.

"A sore throat," answered the mother, who seemed not to see me; "but
it is nothing serious."

She was holding the child by the head and body, and her eyes seemed to
shed two rays of life into the poor frail creature.

"You are so extraordinarily imprudent," said the count, sharply; "you
expose him to the river damps and let him sit on a stone bench."

"Why, papa, the stone is burning hot," cried Madeleine.

"They were suffocating higher up," said the countess.

"Women always want to prove they are right," said the count, turning
to me.

To avoid agreeing or disagreeing with him by word or look I watched
Jacques, who complained of his throat. His mother carried him away,
but as she did so she heard her husband say:--

"When they have brought such sickly children into the world they ought
to learn how to take care of them."

Words that were cruelly unjust; but his self-love drove him to defend
himself at the expense of his wife. The countess hurried up the steps
and across the portico, and I saw her disappear through the glass
door. Monsieur de Mortsauf seated himself on the bench, his head bowed
in gloomy silence. My position became annoying; he neither spoke nor
looked at me. Farewell to the walk he had proposed, in the course of
which I had hoped to fathom him. I hardly remember a more unpleasant
moment. Ought I to go away, or should I not go? How many painful
thoughts must have arisen in his mind, to make him forget to follow
Jacques and learn how he was! At last however he rose abruptly and
came towards me. We both turned and looked at the smiling valley.

"We will put off our walk to another day, Monsieur le comte," I said
gently.

"No, let us go," he replied. "Unfortunately, I am accustomed to such
scenes--I, who would give my life without the slightest regret to save
that of the child."

"Jacques is better, my dear; he has gone to sleep," said a golden
voice. Madame de Mortsauf suddenly appeared at the end of the path.
She came forward, without bitterness or ill-will, and bowed to me.

"I am glad to see that you like Clochegourde," she said.

"My dear, should you like me to ride over and fetch Monsieur
Deslandes?" said the count, as if wishing her to forgive his
injustice.

"Don't be worried," she said. "Jacques did not sleep last night,
that's all. The child is very nervous; he had a bad dream, and I told
him stories all night to keep him quiet. His cough is purely nervous;
I have stilled it with a lozenge, and he has gone to sleep."

"Poor woman!" said her husband, taking her hand in his and giving her
a tearful look, "I knew nothing of it."

"Why should you be troubled when there is no occasion?" she replied.
"Now go and attend to the rye. You know if you are not there the men
will let the gleaners of the other villages get into the field before
the sheaves are carried away."

"I am going to take a first lesson in agriculture, madame," I said to
her.

"You have a very good master," she replied, motioning towards the
count, whose mouth screwed itself into that smile of satisfaction
which is vulgarly termed a "bouche en coeur."

Two months later I learned she had passed that night in great anxiety,
fearing that her son had the croup; while I was in the boat, rocked by
thoughts of love, imagined that she might see me from her window
adoring the gleam of the candle which was then lighting a forehead
furrowed by fears! The croup prevailed at Tours, and was often fatal.
When we were outside the gate, the count said in a voice of emotion,
"Madame de Mortsauf is an angel!" The words staggered me. As yet I
knew but little of the family, and the natural conscience of a young
soul made me exclaim inwardly: "What right have I to trouble this
perfect peace?"

Glad to find a listener in a young man over whom he could lord it so
easily, the count talked to me of the future which the return of the
Bourbons would secure to France. We had a desultory conversation, in
which I listened to much childish nonsense which positively amazed me.
He was ignorant of facts susceptible of proof that might be called
geometric; he feared persons of education; he rejected superiority,
and scoffed, perhaps with some reason, at progress. I discovered in
his nature a number of sensitive fibres which it required the utmost
caution not to wound; so that a conversation with him of any length
was a positive strain upon the mind. When I had, as it were, felt of
his defects, I conformed to them with the same suppleness that his
wife showed in soothing him. Later in life I should certainly have
made him angry, but now, humble as a child, supposing that I knew
nothing and believing that men in their prime knew all, I was
genuinely amazed at the results obtained at Clochegourde by this
patient agriculturist. I listened admiringly to his plans; and with an
involuntary flattery which won his good-will, I envied him the estate
and its outlook--a terrestrial paradise, I called it, far superior to
Frapesle.

"Frapesle," I said, "is a massive piece of plate, but Clochegourde is
a jewel-case of gems,"--a speech which he often quoted, giving credit
to its author.

"Before we came here," he said, "it was desolation itself."

I was all ears when he told of his seed-fields and nurseries. New to
country life, I besieged him with questions about prices, means of
preparing and working the soil, etc., and he seemed glad to answer all
in detail.

"What in the world do they teach you in your colleges?" he exclaimed
at last in astonishment.

On this first day the count said to his wife when he reached home,
"Monsieur Felix is a charming young man."

That evening I wrote to my mother and asked her to send my clothes and
linen, saying that I should remain at Frapesle. Ignorant of the great
revolution which was just taking place, and not perceiving the
influence it was to have upon my fate, I expected to return to Paris
to resume my legal studies. The Law School did not open till the first
week in November; meantime I had two months and a half before me.

The first part of my stay, while I studied to understand the count,
was a period of painful impressions to me. I found him a man of
extreme irascibility without adequate cause; hasty in action in
hazardous cases to a degree that alarmed me. Sometimes he showed
glimpses of the brave gentleman of Conde's army, parabolic flashes of
will such as may, in times of emergency, tear through politics like
bomb-shells, and may also, by virtue of honesty and courage, make a
man condemned to live buried on his property an Elbee, a Bonchamp, or
a Charette. In presence of certain ideas his nostril contracted, his
forehead cleared, and his eyes shot lightnings, which were soon
quenched. Sometimes I feared he might detect the language of my eyes
and kill me. I was young then and merely tender. Will, that force that
alters men so strangely, had scarcely dawned within me. My passionate
desires shook me with an emotion that was like the throes of fear.
Death I feared not, but I would not die until I knew the happiness of
mutual love--But how tell of what I felt! I was a prey to perplexity;
I hoped for some fortunate chance; I watched; I made the children love
me; I tried to identify myself with the family.

Little by little the count restrained himself less in my presence. I
came to know his sudden outbreaks of temper, his deep and ceaseless
melancholy, his flashes of brutality, his bitter, cutting complaints,
his cold hatreds, his impulses of latent madness, his childish moans,
his cries of a man's despair, his unexpected fury. The moral nature
differs from the physical nature inasmuch as nothing is absolute in
it. The force of effects is in direct proportion to the characters or
the ideas which are grouped around some fact. My position at
Clochegourde, my future life, depended on this one eccentric will.

I cannot describe to you the distress that filled my soul (as quick in
those days to expand as to contract), whenever I entered Clochegourde,
and asked myself, "How will he receive me?" With what anxiety of heart
I saw the clouds collecting on that stormy brow. I lived in a
perpetual "qui-vive." I fell under the dominion of that man; and the
sufferings I endured taught me to understand those of Madame de
Mortsauf. We began by exchanging looks of comprehension; tried by the
same fire, how many discoveries I made during those first forty days!
--of actual bitterness, of tacit joys, of hopes alternately submerged
and buoyant. One evening I found her pensively watching a sunset which
reddened the summits with so ravishing a glow that it was impossible
not to listen to that voice of the eternal Song of Songs by which
Nature herself bids all her creatures love. Did the lost illusions of
her girlhood return to her? Did the woman suffer from an inward
comparison? I fancied I perceived a desolation in her attitude that
was favorable to my first appeal, and I said, "Some days are hard to
bear."

"You read my soul," she answered; "but how have you done so?"

"We touch at many points," I replied. "Surely we belong to the small
number of human beings born to the highest joys and the deepest
sorrows; whose feeling qualities vibrate in unison and echo each other
inwardly; whose sensitive natures are in harmony with the principle of
things. Put such beings among surroundings where all is discord and
they suffer horribly, just as their happiness mounts to exaltation
when they meet ideas, or feelings, or other beings who are congenial
to them. But there is still a third condition, where sorrows are known
only to souls affected by the same distress; in this alone is the
highest fraternal comprehension. It may happen that such souls find no
outlet either for good or evil. Then the organ within us endowed with
expression and motion is exercised in a void, expends its passion
without an object, utters sounds without melody, and cries that are
lost in solitude,--terrible defeat of a soul which revolts against the
inutility of nothingness. These are struggles in which our strength
oozes away without restraint, as blood from an inward wound. The
sensibilities flow to waste and the result is a horrible weakening of
the soul; an indescribable melancholy for which the confessional
itself has no ears. Have I not expressed our mutual sufferings?"

She shuddered, and then without removing her eyes from the setting
sun, she said, "How is it that, young as you are, you know these
things? Were you once a woman?"

"Ah!" I replied, "my childhood was like a long illness--"

"I hear Madeleine coughing," she cried, leaving me abruptly.

The countess showed no displeasure at my constant visits, and for two
reasons. In the first place she was pure as a child, and her thoughts
wandered into no forbidden regions; in the next I amused the count and
made a sop for that lion without claws or mane. I found an excuse for
my visits which seemed plausible to every one. Monsieur de Mortsauf
proposed to teach me backgammon, and I accepted; as I did so the
countess was betrayed into a look of compassion, which seemed to say,
"You are flinging yourself into the jaws of the lion." If I did not
understand this at the time, three days had not passed before I knew
what I had undertaken. My patience, which nothing exhausts, the fruit
of my miserable childhood, ripened under this last trial. The count
was delighted when he could jeer at me for not putting in practice the
principles or the rules he had explained; if I reflected before I
played he complained of my slowness; if I played fast he was angry
because I hurried him; if I forgot to mark my points he declared,
making his profit out of the mistake, that I was always too rapid. It
was like the tyranny of a schoolmaster, the despotism of the rod, of
which I can really give you no idea unless I compare myself to
Epictetus under the yoke of a malicious child. When we played for
money his winnings gave him the meanest and most abject delight.

A word from his wife was enough to console me, and it frequently
recalled him to a sense of politeness and good-breeding. But before
long I fell into the furnace of an unexpected misery. My money was
disappearing under these losses. Though the count was always present
during my visits until I left the house, which was sometimes very
late, I cherished the hope of finding some moment when I might say a
word that would reach my idol's heart; but to obtain that moment, for
which I watched and waited with a hunter's painful patience, I was
forced to continue these weary games, during which my feelings were
lacerated and my money lost. Still, there were moments when we were
silent, she and I, looking at the sunlight on the meadows, the clouds
in a gray sky, the misty hills, or the quivering of the moon on the
sandbanks of the river; saying only, "Night is beautiful!"

"Night is woman, madame."

"What tranquillity!"

"Yes, no one can be absolutely wretched here."

Then she would return to her embroidery frame. I came at last to hear
the inward beatings of an affection which sought its object. But the
fact remained--without money, farewell to these evenings. I wrote to
my mother to send me some. She scolded me and sent only enough to last
a week. Where could I get more? My life depended on it. Thus it
happened that in the dawn of my first great happiness I found the same
sufferings that assailed me elsewhere; but in Paris, at college, at
school I evaded them by abstinence; there my privations were negative,
at Frapesle they were active; so active that I was possessed by the
impulse to theft, by visions of crime, furious desperations which rend
the soul and must be subdued under pain of losing our self-respect.
The memory of what I suffered through my mother's parsimony taught me
that indulgence for young men which one who has stood upon the brink
of the abyss and measured its depths, without falling into them, must
inevitably feel. Though my own rectitude was strengthened by those
moments when life opened and let me see the rocks and quicksands
beneath the surface, I have never known that terrible thing called
human justice draw its blade through the throat of a criminal without
saying to myself: "Penal laws are made by men who have never known
misery."

At this crisis I happened to find a treatise on backgammon in Monsieur
de Chessel's library, and I studied it. My host was kind enough to
give me a few lessons; less harshly taught by the count I made good
progress and applied the rules and calculations I knew by heart.
Within a few days I was able to beat Monsieur de Mortsauf; but no
sooner had I done so and won his money for the first time than his
temper became intolerable; his eyes glittered like those of tigers,
his face shrivelled, his brows knit as I never saw brows knit before
or since. His complainings were those of a fretful child. Sometimes he
flung down the dice, quivered with rage, bit the dice-box, and said
insulting things to me. Such violence, however, came to an end. When I
had acquired enough mastery of the game I played it to suit me; I so
managed that we were nearly equal up to the last moment; I allowed him
to win the first half and made matters even during the last half. The
end of the world would have surprised him less than the rapid
superiority of his pupil; but he never admitted it. The unvarying
result of our games was a topic of discourse on which he fastened.

"My poor head," he would say, "is fatigued; you manage to win the last
of the game because by that time I lose my skill."

The countess, who knew backgammon, understood my manoeuvres from the
first, and gave me those mute thanks which swell the heart of a young
man; she granted me the same look she gave to her children. From that
ever-blessed evening she always looked at me when she spoke. I cannot
explain to you the condition I was in when I left her. My soul had
annihilated my body; it weighed nothing; I did not walk, I flew. That
look I carried within me; it bathed me with light just as her last
words, "Adieu, monsieur," still sounded in my soul with the harmonies
of "O filii, o filioe" in the paschal choir. I was born into a new
life, I was something to her! I slept on purple and fine linen. Flames
darted before my closed eyelids, chasing each other in the darkness
like threads of fire in the ashes of burned paper. In my dreams her
voice became, though I cannot describe it, palpable, an atmosphere of
light and fragrance wrapping me, a melody enfolding my spirit. On the
morrow her greeting expressed the fulness of feelings that remained
unuttered, and from that moment I was initiated into the secrets of
her voice.

That day was to be one of the most decisive of my life. After dinner
we walked on the heights across a barren plain where no herbage grew;
the ground was stony, arid, and without vegetable soil of any kind;
nevertheless a few scrub oaks and thorny bushes straggled there, and
in place of grass, a carpet of crimped mosses, illuminated by the
setting sun and so dry that our feet slipped upon it. I held Madeleine
by the hand to keep her up. Madame de Mortsauf was leading Jacques.
The count, who was in front, suddenly turned round and striking the
earth with his cane said to me in a dreadful tone: "Such is my life!--
but before I knew you," he added with a look of penitence at his wife.
The reparation was tardy, for the countess had turned pale; what woman
would not have staggered as she did under the blow?

"But what delightful scenes are wafted here, and what a view of the
sunset!" I cried. "For my part I should like to own this barren moor;
I fancy there may be treasures if we dig for them. But its greatest
wealth is that of being near you. Who would not pay a great cost for
such a view?--all harmony to the eye, with that winding river where
the soul may bathe among the ash-trees and the alders. See the
difference of taste! To you this spot of earth is a barren waste; to
me, it is paradise."

She thanked me with a look.

"Bucolics!" exclaimed the count, with a bitter look. "This is no life
for a man who bears your name." Then he suddenly changed his tone--
"The bells!" he cried, "don't you hear the bells of Azay? I hear them
ringing."

Madame de Mortsauf gave me a frightened look. Madeleine clung to my
hand.

"Suppose we play a game of backgammon?" I said. "Let us go back; the
rattle of the dice will drown the sound of the bells."

We returned to Clochegourde, conversing by fits and starts. Once in
the salon an indefinable uncertainty and dread took possession of us.
The count flung himself into an armchair, absorbed in reverie, which
his wife, who knew the symptoms of his malady and could foresee an
outbreak, was careful not to interrupt. I also kept silence. As she
gave me no hint to leave, perhaps she thought backgammon might divert
the count's mind and quiet those fatal nervous susceptibilities, the
excitements of which were killing him. Nothing was ever harder than to
make him play that game, which, however, he had a great desire to
play. Like a pretty woman, he always required to be coaxed, entreated,
forced, so that he might not seem the obliged person. If by chance,
being interested in the conversation, I forgot to propose it, he grew
sulky, bitter, insulting, and spoiled the talk by contradicting
everything. If, warned by his ill-humor, I suggested a game, he would
dally and demur. "In the first place, it is too late," he would say;
"besides, I don't care for it." Then followed a series of affectations
like those of women, which often leave you in ignorance of their real
wishes.

On this occasion I pretended a wild gaiety to induce him to play. He
complained of giddiness which hindered him from calculating; his
brain, he said, was squeezed into a vice; he heard noises, he was
choking; and thereupon he sighed heavily. At last, however, he
consented to the game. Madame de Mortsauf left us to put the children
to bed and lead the household in family prayers. All went well during
her absence; I allowed Monsieur de Mortsauf to win, and his delight
seemed to put him beside himself. This sudden change from a gloom that
led him to make the darkest predictions to the wild joy of a drunken
man, expressed in a crazy laugh and without any adequate motive,
distressed and alarmed me. I had never seen him in quite so marked a
paroxysm. Our intimacy had borne fruits in the fact that he no longer
restrained himself before me. Day by day he had endeavored to bring me
under his tyranny, and obtain fresh food, as it were, for his evil
temper; for it really seems as though moral diseases were creatures
with appetites and instincts, seeking to enlarge the boundaries of
their empire as a landowner seeks to increase his domain.

Presently the countess came down, and sat close to the backgammon
table, apparently for better light on her embroidery, though the
anxiety which led her to place her frame was ill-concealed. A piece of
fatal ill-luck which I could not prevent changed the count's face;
from gaiety it fell to gloom, from purple it became yellow, and his
eyes rolled. Then followed worse ill-luck, which I could neither avert
nor repair. Monsieur de Mortsauf made a fatal throw which decided the
game. Instantly he sprang up, flung the table at me and the lamp on
the floor, struck the chimney-piece with his fist and jumped, for I
cannot say he walked, about the room. The torrent of insults,
imprecations, and incoherent words which rushed from his lips would
have made an observer think of the old tales of satanic possession in
the Middle Ages. Imagine my position!

"Go into the garden," said the countess, pressing my hand.

I left the room before the count could notice my disappearance. On the
terrace, where I slowly walked about, I heard his shouts and then his
moans from the bedroom which adjoined the dining-room. Also I heard at
intervals through that tempest of sound the voice of an angel, which
rose like the song of a nightingale as the rain ceases. I walked about
under the acacias in the loveliest night of the month of August,
waiting for the countess to join me. I knew she would come; her
gesture promised it. For several days an explanation seemed to float
between us; a word would suffice to send it gushing from the spring,
overfull, in our souls. What timidity had thus far delayed a perfect
understanding between us? Perhaps she loved, as I did, these
quiverings of the spirit which resembled emotions of fear and numbed
the sensibilities while we held our life unuttered within us,
hesitating to unveil its secrets with the modesty of the young girl
before the husband she loves. An hour passed. I was sitting on the
brick balustrade when the sound of her footsteps blending with the
undulating ripple of her flowing gown stirred the calm air of the
night. These are sensations to which the heart suffices not.

"Monsieur de Mortsauf is sleeping," she said. "When he is thus I give
him an infusion of poppies, a cup of water in which a few poppies have
been steeped; the attacks are so infrequent that this simple remedy
never loses its effect--Monsieur," she continued, changing her tone
and using the most persuasive inflexion of her voice, "this most
unfortunate accident has revealed to you a secret which has hitherto
been sedulously kept; promise me to bury the recollection of that
scene. Do this for my sake, I beg of you. I don't ask you to swear it;
give me your word of honor and I shall be content."

"Need I give it to you?" I said. "Do we not understand each other?"

"You must not judge unfavorably of Monsieur de Mortsauf; you see the
effects of his many sufferings under the emigration," she went on.
"To-morrow he will entirely forget all that he has said and done; you
will find him kind and excellent as ever."

"Do not seek to excuse him, madame," I replied. "I will do all you
wish. I would fling myself into the Indre at this moment if I could
restore Monsieur de Mortsauf's health and ensure you a happy life. The
only thing I cannot change is my opinion. I can give you my life, but
not my convictions; I can pay no heed to what he says, but can I
hinder him from saying it? No, in my opinion Monsieur de Mortsauf
is--"

"I understand you," she said, hastily interrupting me; "you are right.
The count is as nervous as a fashionable woman," she added, as if to
conceal the idea of madness by softening the word. "But he is only so
at intervals, once a year, when the weather is very hot. Ah, what
evils have resulted from the emigration! How many fine lives ruined!
He would have been, I am sure of it, a great soldier, an honor to his
country--"

"I know," I said, interrupting in my turn to let her see that it was
useless to attempt to deceive me.

She stopped, laid one hand lightly on my brow, and looked at me. "Who
has sent you here," she said, "into this home? Has God sent me help, a
true friendship to support me?" She paused, then added, as she laid
her hand firmly upon mine, "For you are good and generous--" She
raised her eyes to heaven, as if to invoke some invisible testimony to
confirm her thought, and then let them rest upon me. Electrified by
the look, which cast a soul into my soul, I was guilty, judging by
social laws, of a want of tact, though in certain natures such
indelicacy really means a brave desire to meet danger, to avert a
blow, to arrest an evil before it happens; oftener still, an abrupt
call upon a heart, a blow given to learn if it resounds in unison with
ours. Many thoughts rose like gleams within my mind and bade me wash
out the stain that blotted my conscience at this moment when I was
seeking a complete understanding.

"Before we say more," I said in a voice shaken by the throbbings of my
heart, which could be heard in the deep silence that surrounded us,
"suffer me to purify one memory of the past."

"Hush!" she said quickly, touching my lips with a finger which she
instantly removed. She looked at me haughtily, with the glance of a
woman who knows herself too exalted for insult to reach her. "Be
silent; I know of what you are about to speak,--the first, the last,
the only outrage ever offered to me. Never speak to me of that ball.
If as a Christian I have forgiven you, as a woman I still suffer from
your act."

"You are more pitiless than God himself," I said, forcing back the
tears that came into my eyes.

"I ought to be so, I am more feeble," she replied.

"But," I continued with the persistence of a child, "listen to me now
if only for the first, the last, the only time in your life."

"Speak, then," she said; "speak, or you will think I dare not hear
you."

Feeling that this was the turning moment of our lives, I spoke to her
in the tone that commands attention; I told her that all women whom I
had ever seen were nothing to me; but when I met her, I, whose life
was studious, whose nature was not bold, I had been, as it were,
possessed by a frenzy that no one who once felt it could condemn; that
never heart of man had been so filled with the passion which no being
can resist, which conquers all things, even death--

"And contempt?" she asked, stopping me.

"Did you despise me?" I exclaimed.

"Let us say no more on this subject," she replied.

"No, let me say all!" I replied, in the excitement of my intolerable
pain. "It concerns my life, my whole being, my inward self; it
contains a secret you must know or I must die in despair. It also
concerns you, who, unawares, are the lady in whose hand is the crown
promised to the victor in the tournament!"

Then I related to her my childhood and youth, not as I have told it to
you, judged from a distance, but in the language of a young man whose
wounds are still bleeding. My voice was like the axe of a woodsman in
the forest. At every word the dead years fell with echoing sound,
bristling with their anguish like branches robbed of their foliage. I
described to her in feverish language many cruel details which I have
here spared you. I spread before her the treasure of my radiant hopes,
the virgin gold of my desires, the whole of a burning heart kept alive
beneath the snow of these Alps, piled higher and higher by perpetual
winter. When, bowed down by the weight of these remembered sufferings,
related as with the live coal of Isaiah, I awaited the reply of the
woman who listened with a bowed head, she illumined the darkness with
a look, she quickened the worlds terrestrial and divine with a single
sentence.

"We have had the same childhood!" she said, turning to me a face on
which the halo of the martyrs shone.

After a pause, in which our souls were wedded in the one consoling
thought, "I am not alone in suffering," the countess told me, in the
voice she kept for her little ones, how unwelcome she was as a girl
when sons were wanted. She showed me how her troubles as a daughter
bound to her mother's side differed from those of a boy cast out upon
the world of school and college life. My desolate neglect seemed to me
a paradise compared to that contact with a millstone under which her
soul was ground until the day when her good aunt, her true mother, had
saved her from this misery, the ever-recurring pain of which she now
related to me; misery caused sometimes by incessant faultfinding,
always intolerable to high-strung natures which do not shrink before
death itself but die beneath the sword of Damocles; sometimes by the
crushing of generous impulses beneath an icy hand, by the cold
rebuffal of her kisses, by a stern command of silence, first imposed
and then as often blamed; by inward tears that dared not flow but
stayed within the heart; in short, by all the bitterness and tyranny
of convent rule, hidden to the eyes of the world under the appearance
of an exalted motherly devotion. She gratified her mother's vanity
before strangers, but she dearly paid in private for this homage.
When, believing that by obedience and gentleness she had softened her
mother's heart, she opened hers, the tyrant only armed herself with
the girl's confidence. No spy was ever more traitorous and base. All
the pleasures of girlhood, even her fete days, were dearly purchased,
for she was scolded for her gaiety as much as for her faults. No
teaching and no training for her position had been given in love,
always with sarcastic irony. She was not angry against her mother; in
fact she blamed herself for feeling more terror than love for her.
"Perhaps," she said, dear angel, "these severities were needful; they
had certainly prepared her for her present life." As I listened it
seemed to me that the harp of Job, from which I had drawn such savage
sounds, now touched by the Christian fingers gave forth the litanies
of the Virgin at the foot of the cross.

"We lived in the same sphere before we met in this," I said; "you
coming from the east, I from the west."

She shook her head with a gesture of despair.

"To you the east, to me the west," she replied. "You will live happy,
I must die of pain. Life is what we make of it, and mine is made
forever. No power can break the heavy chain to which a woman is
fastened by this ring of gold--the emblem of a wife's purity."

We knew we were twins of one womb; she never dreamed of a half-
confidence between brothers of the same blood. After a short sigh,
natural to pure hearts when they first open to each other, she told me
of her first married life, her deceptions and disillusions, the
rebirth of her childhood's misery. Like me, she had suffered under
trifles; mighty to souls whose limpid substance quivers to the least
shock, as a lake quivers on the surface and to its utmost depths when
a stone is flung into it. When she married she possessed some girlish
savings; a little gold, the fruit of happy hours and repressed
fancies. These, in a moment when they were needed, she gave to her
husband, not telling him they were gifts and savings of her own. He
took no account of them, and never regarded himself her debtor. She
did not even obtain the glance of thanks that would have paid for all.
Ah! how she went from trial to trial! Monsieur de Mortsauf habitually
neglected to give her money for the household. When, after a struggle
with her timidity, she asked him for it, he seemed surprised and never
once spared her the mortification of petitioning for necessities. What
terror filled her mind when the real nature of the ruined man's
disease was revealed to her, and she quailed under the first outbreak
of his mad anger! What bitter reflections she had made before she
brought herself to admit that her husband was a wreck! What horrible
calamities had come of her bearing children! What anguish she felt at
the sight of those infants born almost dead! With what courage had she
said in her heart: "I will breathe the breath of life into them; I
will bear them anew day by day!" Then conceive the bitterness of
finding her greatest obstacle in the heart and hand from which a wife
should draw her greatest succor! She saw the untold disaster that
threatened him. As each difficulty was conquered, new deserts opened
before her, until the day when she thoroughly understood her husband's
condition, the constitution of her children, and the character of the
neighborhood in which she lived; a day when (like the child taken by
Napoleon from a tender home) she taught her feet to trample through
mud and snow, she trained her nerves to bullets and all her being to
the passive obedience of a soldier.

These things, of which I here make a summary, she told me in all their
dark extent, with every piteous detail of conjugal battles lost and
fruitless struggles.

"You would have to live here many months," she said, in conclusion,
"to understand what difficulties I have met with in improving
Clochegourde; what persuasions I have had to use to make him do a
thing which was most important to his interests. You cannot imagine
the childish glee he has shown when anything that I advised was not at
once successful. All that turned out well he claimed for himself. Yes,
I need an infinite patience to bear his complaints when I am half-
exhausted in the effort to amuse his weary hours, to sweeten his life
and smooth the paths which he himself has strewn with stones. The
reward he gives me is that awful cry: 'Let me die, life is a burden to
me!' When visitors are here and he enjoys them, he forgets his gloom
and is courteous and polite. You ask me why he cannot be so to his
family. I cannot explain that want of loyalty in a man who is truly
chivalrous. He is quite capable of riding at full speed to Paris to
buy me a set of ornaments, as he did the other day before the ball.
Miserly in his household, he would be lavish upon me if I wished it. I
would it were reversed; I need nothing for myself, but the wants of
the household are many. In my strong desire to make him happy, and not
reflecting that I might be a mother, I began my married life by
letting him treat me as a victim, I, who at that time by using a few
caresses could have led him like a child--but I was unable to play a
part I should have thought disgraceful. Now, however, the welfare of
my family requires me to be as calm and stern as the figure of Justice
--and yet, I too have a heart that overflows with tenderness."

"But why," I said, "do you not use this great influence to master him
and govern him?"

"If it concerned myself only I should not attempt either to overcome
the dogged silence with which for days together he meets my arguments,
nor to answer his irrational remarks, his childish reasons. I have no
courage against weakness, any more than I have against childhood; they
may strike me as they will, I cannot resist. Perhaps I might meet
strength with strength, but I am powerless against those I pity. If I
were required to coerce Madeleine in some matter that would save her
life, I should die with her. Pity relaxes all my fibres and unstrings
my nerves. So it is that the violent shocks of the last ten years have
broken me down; my feelings, so often battered, are numb at times;
nothing can revive them; even the courage with which I once faced my
troubles begins to fail me. Yes, sometimes I am beaten. For want of
rest--I mean repose--and sea-baths by which to recover my nervous
strength, I shall perish. Monsieur de Mortsauf will have killed me,
and he will die of my death."

"Why not leave Clochegourde for a few months? Surely you could take
your children and go to the seashore."

"In the first place, Monsieur de Mortsauf would think he were lost if
I left him. Though he will not admit his condition he is well aware of
it. He is both sane and mad, two natures in one man, a contradiction
which explains many an irrational action. Besides this, he would have
good reason for objecting. Nothing would go right here if I were
absent. You may have seen in me the mother of a family watchful to
protect her young from the hawk that is hovering over them; a weighty
task, indeed, but harder still are the cares imposed upon me by
Monsieur de Mortsauf, whose constant cry, as he follows me about is,
'Where is Madame?' I am Jacques' tutor and Madeleine's governess; but
that is not all, I am bailiff and steward too. You will understand
what that means when you come to see, as you will, that the working of
an estate in these parts is the most fatiguing of all employments. We
get small returns in money; the farms are cultivated on shares, a
system which needs the closest supervision. We are obliged ourselves
to sell our own produce, our cattle and harvests of all kinds. Our
competitors in the markets are our own farmers, who meet consumers in
the wine-shops and determine prices by selling first. I should weary
you if I explained the many difficulties of agriculture in this
region. No matter what care I give to it, I cannot always prevent our
tenants from putting our manure upon their ground, I cannot be ever on
the watch lest they take advantage of us in the division of the crops;
neither can I always know the exact moment when sales should be made.
So, if you think of Monsieur de Mortsauf's defective memory, and the
difficulty you have seen me have in persuading him to attend to
business, you can understand the burden that is on my shoulders, and
the impossibility of my laying it down for a single day. If I were
absent we should be ruined. No one would obey Monsieur de Mortsauf. In
the first place his orders are conflicting; then no one likes him; he
finds incessant fault, and he is very domineering. Moreover, like all
men of feeble mind, he listens too readily to his inferiors. If I left
the house not a servant would be in it in a week's time. So you see I
am attached to Clochegourde as those leaden finals are to our roof. I
have no reserves with you. The whole country-side is still ignorant of
the secrets of this house, but you know them, you have seen them. Say
nothing but what is kind and friendly, and you shall have my esteem--
my gratitude," she added in a softer voice. "On those terms you are
welcome at Clochegourde, where you will find friends."

"Ah!" I exclaimed, "I see that I have never really suffered, while
you--"

"No, no!" she exclaimed, with a smile, that smile of all resigned
women which might melt a granite rock. "Do not be astonished at my
frank confidence; it shows you life as it is, not as your imagination
pictures it. We all have our defects and our good qualities. If I had
married a spendthrift he would have ruined me. If I had given myself
to an ardent and pleasure-loving young man, perhaps I could not have
retained him; he might have left me, and I should have died of
jealousy. For I am jealous!" she said, in a tone of excitement, which
was like the thunderclap of a passing storm. "But Monsieur de Mortsauf
loves me as much as he is capable of loving; all that his heart
contains of affection he pours at my feet, like the Magdalen's cup of
ointment. Believe me, a life of love is an exception to the laws of
this earth; all flowers fade; great joys and emotions have a morrow of
evil--if a morrow at all. Real life is a life of anguish; its image is
in that nettle growing there at the foot of the wall,--no sun can
reach it and it keeps green. Yet, here, as in parts of the North,
there are smiles in the sky, few to be sure, but they compensate for
many a grief. Moreover, women who are naturally mothers live and love
far more through sacrifices than through pleasures. Here I draw upon
myself the storms I fear may break upon my children or my people; and
in doing so I feel a something I cannot explain, which gives me secret
courage. The resignation of the night carries me through the day that
follows. God does not leave me comfortless. Time was when the
condition of my children filled me with despair; to-day as they
advance in life they grow healthier and stronger. And then, after all,
our home is improved and beautified, our means are improving also. Who
knows but Monsieur de Mortsauf's old age may be a blessing to me? Ah,
believe me! those who stand before the Great Judge with palms in their
hands, leading comforted to Him the beings who cursed their lives,
they, they have turned their sorrows into joy. If my sufferings bring
about the happiness of my family, are they sufferings at all?"

"Yes," I said, "they are; but they were necessary, as mine have been,
to make us understand the true flavor of the fruit that has ripened on
our rocks. Now, surely, we shall taste it together; surely we may
admire its wonders, the sweetness of affection it has poured into our
souls, that inward sap which revives the searing leaves--Good God! do
you not understand me?" I cried, falling into the mystical language to
which our religious training had accustomed us. "See the paths by
which we have approached each other; what magnet led us through that
ocean of bitterness to these springs of running water, flowing at the
foot of those hills above the shining sands and between their green
and flowery meadows? Have we not followed the same star? We stand
before the cradle of a divine child whose joyous carol will renew the
world for us, teach us through happiness a love of life, give to our
nights their long-lost sleep, and to the days their gladness. What
hand is this that year by year has tied new cords between us? Are we
not more than brother and sister? That which heaven has joined we must
not keep asunder. The sufferings you reveal are the seeds scattered by
the sower for the harvest already ripening in the sunshine. Shall we
not gather it sheaf by sheaf? What strength is in me that I dare
address you thus! Answer, or I will never again recross that river!"

"You have spared me the word LOVE," she said, in a stern voice, "but
you have spoken of a sentiment of which I know nothing and which is
not permitted to me. You are a child; and again I pardon you, but for
the last time. Endeavor to understand, Monsieur, that my heart is, as
it were, intoxicated with motherhood. I love Monsieur de Mortsauf
neither from social duty nor from a calculated desire to win eternal
blessings, but from an irresistible feeling which fastens all the
fibres of my heart upon him. Was my marriage a mistake? My sympathy
for misfortune led to it. It is the part of women to heal the woes
caused by the march of events, to comfort those who rush into the
breach and return wounded. How shall I make you understand me? I have
felt a selfish pleasure in seeing that you amused him; is not that
pure motherhood? Did I not make you see by what I owned just now, the
THREE children to whom I am bound, to whom I shall never fail, on whom
I strive to shed a healing dew and the light of my own soul without
withdrawing or adulterating a single particle? Do not embitter the
mother's milk! though as a wife I am invulnerable, you must never
again speak thus to me. If you do not respect this command, simple as
it is, the door of this house will be closed to you. I believed in
pure friendship, in a voluntary brotherhood, more real, I thought,
than the brotherhood of blood. I was mistaken. I wanted a friend who
was not a judge, a friend who would listen to me in those moments of
weakness when reproof is killing, a sacred friend from whom I should
have nothing to fear. Youth is noble, truthful, capable of sacrifice,
disinterested; seeing your persistency in coming to us, I believed,
yes, I will admit that I believed in some divine purpose; I thought I
should find a soul that would be mine, as the priest is the soul of
all; a heart in which to pour my troubles when they deluged mine, a
friend to hear my cries when if I continued to smother them they would
strangle me. Could I but have this friend, my life, so precious to
these children, might be prolonged until Jacques had grown to manhood.
But that is selfish! The Laura of Petrarch cannot be lived again. I
must die at my post, like a soldier, friendless. My confessor is
harsh, austere, and--my aunt is dead."

Two large tears filled her eyes, gleamed in the moonlight, and rolled
down her cheeks; but I stretched my hand in time to catch them, and I
drank them with an avidity excited by her words, by the thought of
those ten years of secret woe, of wasted feelings, of constant care,
of ceaseless dread--years of the lofty heroism of her sex. She looked
at me with gentle stupefaction.

"It is the first communion of love," I said. "Yes, I am now a sharer
of your sorrows. I am united to your soul as our souls are united to
Christ in the sacrament. To love, even without hope, is happiness. Ah!
what woman on earth could give me a joy equal to that of receiving
your tears! I accept the contract which must end in suffering to
myself. I give myself to you with no ulterior thought. I will be to
you that which you will me to be--"

She stopped me with a motion of her hand, and said in her deep voice,
"I consent to this agreement if you will promise never to tighten the
bonds which bind us together."

"Yes," I said; "but the less you grant the more evidence of possession
I ought to have."

"You begin by distrusting me," she replied, with an expression of
melancholy doubt.

"No, I speak from pure happiness. Listen; give me a name by which no
one calls you; a name to be ours only, like the feeling which unites
us."

"That is much to ask," she said, "but I will show you that I am not
petty. Monsieur de Mortsauf calls me Blanche. One only person, the one
I have most loved, my dear aunt, called me Henriette. I will be
Henriette once more, to you."

I took her hand and kissed it. She left it in mine with the
trustfulness that makes a woman so far superior to men; a trustfulness
that shames us. She was leaning on the brick balustrade and gazing at
the river.

"Are you not unwise, my friend, to rush at a bound to the extremes of
friendship? You have drained the cup, offered in all sincerity, at a
draught. It is true that a real feeling is never piecemeal; it must be
whole, or it does not exist. Monsieur de Mortsauf," she added after a
short silence, "is above all things loyal and brave. Perhaps for my
sake you will forget what he said to you to-day; if he has forgotten
it to-morrow, I will myself tell him what occurred. Do not come to
Clochegourde for a few days; he will respect you more if you do not.
On Sunday, after church, he will go to you. I know him; he will wish
to undo the wrong he did, and he will like you all the better for
treating him as a man who is responsible for his words and actions."

"Five days without seeing you, without hearing your voice!"

"Do not put such warmth into your manner of speaking to me," she said.

We walked twice round the terrace in silence. Then she said, in a tone
of command which proved to me that she had taken possession of my
soul, "It is late; we will part."

I wished to kiss her hand; she hesitated, then gave it to me, and said
in a voice of entreaty: "Never take it unless I give it to you; leave
me my freedom; if not, I shall be simply a thing of yours, and that
ought not to be."

"Adieu," I said.

I went out by the little gate of the lower terrace, which she opened
for me. Just as she was about to close it she opened it again and
offered me her hand, saying: "You have been truly good to me this
evening; you have comforted my whole future; take it, my friend, take
it."

I kissed her hand again and again, and when I raised my eyes I saw the
tears in hers. She returned to the upper terrace and I watched her for
a moment from the meadow. When I was on the road to Frapesle I again
saw her white robe shimmering in a moonbeam; then, a few moments
later, a light was in her bedroom.

"Oh, my Henriette!" I cried, "to you I pledge the purest love that
ever shone upon this earth."

I turned at every step as I regained Frapesle. Ineffable contentment
filled my mind. A way was open for the devotion that swells in all
youthful hearts and which in mine had been so long inert. Like the
priest who by one solemn step enters a new life, my vows were taken; I
was consecrated. A simple "Yes" had bound me to keep my love within my
soul and never to abuse our friendship by leading this woman step by
step to love. All noble feelings were awakened within me, and I heard
the murmur of their voices. Before confining myself within the narrow
walls of a room, I stopped beneath the azure heavens sown with stars,
I listened to the ring-dove plaints of my own heart, I heard again the
simple tones of that ingenuous confidence, I gathered in the air the
emanations of that soul which henceforth must ever seek me. How grand
that woman seemed to me, with her absolute forgetfulness of self, her
religion of mercy to wounded hearts, feeble or suffering, her declared
allegiance to her legal yoke. She was there, serene upon her pyre of
saint and martyr. I adored her face as it shone to me in the darkness.
Suddenly I fancied I perceived a meaning in her words, a mysterious
significance which made her to my eyes sublime. Perhaps she longed
that I should be to her what she was to the little world around her.
Perhaps she sought to draw from me her strength and consolation,
putting me thus within her sphere, her equal, or perhaps above her.
The stars, say some bold builders of the universe, communicate to each
other light and motion. This thought lifted me to ethereal regions. I
entered once more the heaven of my former visions; I found a meaning
for the miseries of my childhood in the illimitable happiness to which
they had led me.

Spirits quenched by tears, hearts misunderstood, saintly Clarissa
Harlowes forgotten or ignored, children neglected, exiles innocent of
wrong, all ye who enter life through barren ways, on whom men's faces
everywhere look coldly, to whom ears close and hearts are shut, cease
your complaints! You alone can know the infinitude of joy held in that
moment when one heart opens to you, one ear listens, one look answers
yours. A single day effaces all past evil. Sorrow, despondency,
despair, and melancholy, passed but not forgotten, are links by which
the soul then fastens to its mate. Woman falls heir to all our past,
our sighs, our lost illusions, and gives them back to us ennobled; she
explains those former griefs as payment claimed by destiny for joys
eternal, which she brings to us on the day our souls are wedded. The
angels alone can utter the new name by which that sacred love is
called, and none but women, dear martyrs, truly know what Madame de
Mortsauf now became to me--to me, poor and desolate.

CHAPTER II

FIRST LOVE

This scene took place on a Tuesday. I waited until Sunday and did not
cross the river. During those five days great events were happening at
Clochegourde. The count received his brevet as general of brigade, the
cross of Saint Louis, and a pension of four thousand francs. The Duc
de Lenoncourt-Givry, made peer of France, recovered possession of two
forests, resumed his place at court, and his wife regained all her
unsold property, which had been made part of the imperial crown lands.
The Comtesse de Mortsauf thus became an heiress. Her mother had
arrived at Clochegourde, bringing her a hundred thousand francs
economized at Givry, the amount of her dowry, still unpaid and never
asked for by the count in spite of his poverty. In all such matters of
external life the conduct of this man was proudly disinterested.
Adding to this sum his own few savings he was able to buy two
neighboring estates, which would yield him some nine thousand francs a
year. His son would of course succeed to the grandfather's peerage,
and the count now saw his way to entail the estate upon him without
injury to Madeleine, for whom the Duc de Lenoncourt would no doubt
assist in promoting a good marriage.

These arrangements and this new happiness shed some balm upon the
count's sore mind. The presence of the Duchesse de Lenoncourt at
Clochegourde was a great event to the neighborhood. I reflected
gloomily that she was a great lady, and the thought made me conscious
of the spirit of caste in the daughter which the nobility of her
sentiments had hitherto hidden from me. Who was I--poor,
insignificant, and with no future but my courage and my faculties? I
did not then think of the consequences of the Restoration either for
me or for others. On Sunday morning, from the private chapel where I
sat with Monsieur and Madame de Chessel and the Abbe de Quelus, I cast
an eager glance at another lateral chapel occupied by the duchess and
her daughter, the count and his children. The large straw hat which
hid my idol from me did not tremble, and this unconsciousness of my
presence seemed to bind me to her more than all the past. This noble
Henriette de Lenoncourt, my Henriette, whose life I longed to garland,
was praying earnestly; faith gave to her figure an abandonment, a
prosternation, the attitude of some religious statue, which moved me
to the soul.

According to village custom, vespers were said soon after mass. Coming
out of church Madame de Chessel naturally proposed to her neighbors to
pass the intermediate time at Frapesle instead of crossing the Indre
and the meadows twice in the great heat. The offer was accepted.
Monsieur de Chessel gave his arm to the duchess, Madame de Chessel
took that of the count. I offered mine to the countess, and felt, for
the first time, that beautiful arm against my side. As we walked from
the church to Frapesle by the woods of Sache, where the light,
filtering down through the foliage, made those pretty patterns on the
path which seem like painted silk, such sensations of pride, such
ideas took possession of me that my heart beat violently.

"What is the matter?" she said, after walking a little way in a
silence I dared not break. "Your heart beats too fast--"

"I have heard of your good fortune," I replied, "and, like all others
who love truly, I am beset with vague fears. Will your new dignities
change you and lessen your friendship?"

"Change me!" she said; "oh, fie! Another such idea and I shall--not
despise you, but forget you forever."

I looked at her with an ecstasy which should have been contagious.

"We profit by the new laws which we have neither brought about nor
demanded," she said; "but we are neither place-hunters nor beggars;
besides, as you know very well, neither Monsieur de Mortsauf nor I can
leave Clochegourde. By my advice he has declined the command to which
his rank entitled him at the Maison Rouge. We are quite content that
my father should have the place. This forced modesty," she added with
some bitterness, "has already been of service to our son. The king, to
whose household my father is appointed, said very graciously that he
would show Jacques the favor we were not willing to accept. Jacques'
education, which must now be thought of, is already being discussed.
He will be the representative of two houses, the Lenoncourt and the
Mortsauf families. I can have no ambition except for him, and
therefore my anxieties seem to have increased. Not only must Jacques
live, but he must be made worthy of his name; two necessities which,
as you know, conflict. And then, later, what friend will keep him safe
for me in Paris, where all things are pitfalls for the soul and
dangers for the body? My friend," she said, in a broken voice, "who
could not see upon your brow and in your eyes that you are one who
will inhabit heights? Be some day the guardian and sponsor of our boy.
Go to Paris; if your father and brother will not second you, our
family, above all my mother, who has a genius for the management of
life, will help you. Profit by our influence; you will never be
without support in whatever career you choose; put the strength of
your desires into a noble ambition--"

"I understand you," I said, interrupting her; "ambition is to be my
mistress. I have no need of that to be wholly yours. No, I will not be
rewarded for my obedience here by receiving favors there. I will go; I
will make my own way; I will rise alone. From you I would accept
everything, from others nothing."

"Child!" she murmured, ill-concealing a smile of pleasure.

"Besides, I have taken my vows," I went on. "Thinking over our
situation I am resolved to bind myself to you by ties that never can
be broken."

She trembled slightly and stopped short to look at me.

"What do you mean?" she asked, letting the couples who preceded us
walk on, and keeping the children at her side.

"This," I said; "but first tell me frankly how you wish me to love
you."

"Love me as my aunt loved me; I gave you her rights when I permitted
you to call me by the name which she chose for her own among my
others."

"Then I am to love without hope and with an absolute devotion. Well,
yes; I will do for you what some men do for God. I shall feel that you
have asked it. I will enter a seminary and make myself a priest, and
then I will educate your son. Jacques shall be myself in his own form;
political conceptions, thoughts, energy, patience, I will give him
all. In that way I shall live near to you, and my love, enclosed in
religion as a silver image in a crystal shrine, can never be suspected
of evil. You will not have to fear the undisciplined passions which
grasp a man and by which already I have allowed myself to be
vanquished. I will consume my own being in the flame, and I will love
you with a purified love."

She turned pale and said, hurrying her words: "Felix, do not put
yourself in bonds that might prove an obstacle to our happiness. I
should die of grief for having caused a suicide like that. Child, do
you think despairing love a life's vocation? Wait for life's trials
before you judge of life; I command it. Marry neither the Church nor a
woman; marry not at all,--I forbid it. Remain free. You are twenty-one
years old--My God! can I have mistaken him? I thought two months
sufficed to know some souls."

"What hope have you?" I cried, with fire in my eyes.

"My friend, accept our help, rise in life, make your way and your
fortune and you shall know my hope. And," she added, as if she were
whispering a secret, "never release the hand you are holding at this
moment."

She bent to my ear as she said these words which proved her deep
solicitude for my future.

"Madeleine!" I exclaimed "never!"

We were close to a wooden gate which opened into the park of Frapesle;
I still seem to see its ruined posts overgrown with climbing plants
and briers and mosses. Suddenly an idea, that of the count's death,
flashed through my brain, and I said, "I understand you."

"I am glad of it," she answered in a tone which made me know I had
supposed her capable of a thought that could never be hers.

Her purity drew tears of admiration from my eyes which the selfishness
of passion made bitter indeed. My mind reacted and I felt that she did
not love me enough even to wish for liberty. So long as love recoils
from a crime it seems to have its limits, and love should be infinite.
A spasm shook my heart.

"She does not love me," I thought.

To hide what was in my soul I stooped over Madeleine and kissed her
hair.

"I am afraid of your mother," I said to the countess presently, to
renew the conversation.

"So am I," she answered with a gesture full of childlike gaiety.
"Don't forget to call her Madame la duchesse, and to speak to her in
the third person. The young people of the present day have lost these
polite manners; you must learn them; do that for my sake. Besides, it
is such good taste to respect women, no matter what their age may be,
and to recognize social distinctions without disputing them. The
respect shown to established superiority is guarantee for that which
is due to you. Solidarity is the basis of society. Cardinal Della
Rovere and Raffaelle were two powers equally revered. You have sucked
the milk of the Revolution in your academy and your political ideas
may be influenced by it; but as you advance in life you will find that
crude and ill-defined principles of liberty are powerless to create
the happiness of the people. Before considering, as a Lenoncourt, what
an aristocracy ought to be, my common-sense as a woman of the people
tells me that societies can exist only through a hierarchy. You are
now at a turning-point in your life, when you must choose wisely. Be
on our side,--especially now," she added, laughing, "when it
triumphs."

I was keenly touched by these words, in which the depth of her
political feeling mingled with the warmth of affection,--a combination
which gives to women so great a power of persuasion; they know how to
give to the keenest arguments a tone of feeling. In her desire to
justify all her husband's actions Henriette had foreseen the
criticisms that would rise in my mind as soon as I saw the servile
effects of a courtier's life upon him. Monsieur de Mortsauf, king in
his own castle and surrounded by an historic halo, had, to my eyes, a
certain grandiose dignity. I was therefore greatly astonished at the
distance he placed between the duchess and himself by manners that
were nothing less than obsequious. A slave has his pride and will only
serve the greatest despots. I confess I was humiliated at the
degradation of one before whom I trembled as the power that ruled my
love. This inward repulsion made me understand the martyrdom of women
of generous souls yoked to men whose meannesses they bury daily.
Respect is a safeguard which protects both great and small alike; each
side can hold its own. I was respectful to the duchess because of my
youth; but where others saw only a duchess I saw the mother of my
Henriette, and that gave sanctity to my homage.

We reached the great court-yard of Frapesle, where we found the
others. The Comte de Mortsauf presented me very gracefully to the
duchess, who examined me with a cold and reserved air. Madame de
Lenoncourt was then a woman fifty-six years of age, wonderfully well
preserved and with grand manners. When I saw the hard blue eyes, the
hollow temples, the thin emaciated face, the erect, imposing figure
slow of movement, and the yellow whiteness of the skin (reproduced
with such brilliancy in the daughter), I recognized the cold type to
which my own mother belonged, as quickly as a mineralogist recognizes
Swedish iron. Her language was that of the old court; she pronounced
the "oit" like "ait," and said "frait" for "froid," "porteux" for
"porteurs." I was not a courtier, neither was I stiff-backed in my
manner to her; in fact I behaved so well that as I passed the countess
she said in a low voice, "You are perfect."

The count came to me and took my hand, saying: "You are not angry with
me, Felix, are you? If I was hasty you will pardon an old soldier? We
shall probably stay here to dinner, and I invite you to dine with us
on Thursday, the evening before the duchess leaves. I must go to Tours
to-morrow to settle some business. Don't neglect Clochegourde. My
mother-in-law is an acquaintance I advise you to cultivate. Her salon
will set the tone for the faubourg St. Germain. She has all the
traditions of the great world, and possesses an immense amount of
social knowledge; she knows the blazon of the oldest as well as the
newest family in Europe."

The count's good taste, or perhaps the advice of his domestic genius,
appeared under his altered circumstances. He was neither arrogant nor
offensively polite, nor pompous in any way, and the duchess was not
patronizing. Monsieur and Madame de Chessel gratefully accepted the
invitation to dinner on the following Thursday. I pleased the duchess,
and by her glance I knew she was examining a man of whom her daughter
had spoken to her. As we returned from vespers she questioned me about
my family, and asked if the Vandenesse now in diplomacy was my
relative. "He is my brother," I replied. On that she became almost
affectionate. She told me that my great-aunt, the old Marquise de
Listomere, was a Grandlieu. Her manners were as cordial as those of
Monsieur de Mortsauf the day he saw me for the first time; the haughty
glance with which these sovereigns of the earth make you measure the
distance that lies between you and them disappeared. I knew almost
nothing of my family. The duchess told me that my great-uncle, an old
abbe whose very name I did not know, was to be member of the privy
council, that my brother was already promoted, and also that by a
provision of the Charter, of which I had not yet heard, my father
became once more Marquis de Vandenesse.

"I am but one thing, the serf of Clochegourde," I said in a low voice
to the countess.

The transformation scene of the Restoration was carried through with a
rapidity which bewildered the generation brought up under the imperial
regime. To me this revolution meant nothing. The least word or gesture
from Madame de Mortsauf were the sole events to which I attached
importance. I was ignorant of what the privy council was, and knew as
little of politics as of social life; my sole ambition was to love
Henriette better than Petrarch loved Laura. This indifference made the
duchess take me for a child. A large company assembled at Frapesle and
we were thirty at table. What intoxication it is for a young man
unused to the world to see the woman he loves more beautiful than all
others around her, the centre of admiring looks; to know that for him
alone is reserved the chaste fire of those eyes, that none but he can
discern in the tones of that voice, in the words it utters, however
gay or jesting they may be, the proofs of unremitting thought. The
count, delighted with the attentions paid to him, seemed almost young;
his wife looked hopeful of a change; I amused myself with Madeleine,
who, like all children with bodies weaker than their minds, made
others laugh with her clever observations, full of sarcasm, though
never malicious, and which spared no one. It was a happy day. A word,
a hope awakened in the morning illumined nature. Seeing me so joyous,
Henriette was joyful too.

"This happiness smiling on my gray and cloudy life seems good," she
said to me the next day.

That day I naturally spent at Clochegourde. I had been banished for
five days, I was athirst for life. The count left at six in the
morning for Tours. A serious disagreement had arisen between mother
and daughter. The duchess wanted the countess to move to Paris, where
she promised her a place at court, and where the count, reconsidering
his refusal, might obtain some high position. Henriette, who was
thought happy in her married life, would not reveal, even to her
mother, her tragic sufferings and the fatal incapacity of her husband.
It was to hide his condition from the duchess that she persuaded him
to go to Tours and transact business with his notaries. I alone, as
she had truly said, knew the dark secret of Clochegourde. Having
learned by experience how the pure air and the blue sky of the lovely
valley calmed the excitements and soothed the morbid griefs of the
diseased mind, and what beneficial effect the life at Clochegourde had
upon the health of her children, she opposed her mother's desire that
she should leave it with reasons which the overbearing woman, who was
less grieved than mortified by her daughter's bad marriage, vigorously
combated.

Henriette saw that the duchess cared little for Jacques and Madeleine,
--a terrible discovery! Like all domineering mothers who expect to
continue the same authority over their married daughters that they
maintained when they were girls, the duchess brooked no opposition;
sometimes she affected a crafty sweetness to force her daughter to
compliance, at other times a cold severity, intending to obtain by
fear what gentleness had failed to win; then, when all means failed,
she displayed the same native sarcasm which I had often observed in my
own mother. In those ten days Henriette passed through all the
contentions a young woman must endure to establish her independence.
You, who for your happiness have the best of mothers, can scarcely
comprehend such trials. To gain a true idea of the struggle between
that cold, calculating, ambitious woman and a daughter abounding in
the tender natural kindness that never faileth, you must imagine a
lily, to which my heart has always compared her, bruised beneath the
polished wheels of a steel car. That mother had nothing in common with
her daughter; she was unable even to imagine the real difficulties
which hindered her from taking advantage of the Restoration and forced
her to continue a life of solitude. Though families bury their
internal dissensions with the utmost care, enter behind the scenes,
and you will find in nearly all of them deep, incurable wounds, which
lessen the natural affections. Sometimes these wounds are given by
passions real and most affecting, rendered eternal by the dignity of
those who feel them; sometimes by latent hatreds which slowly freeze
the heart and dry all tears when the hour of parting comes. Tortured
yesterday and to-day, wounded by all, even by the suffering children
who were guiltless of the ills they endured, how could that poor soul
fail to love the one human being who did not strike her, who would
fain have built a wall of defence around her to guard her from storms,
from harsh contacts and cruel blows? Though I suffered from a
knowledge of these debates, there were moments when I was happy in the
sense that she rested upon my heart; for she told me of these new
troubles. Day by day I learned more fully the meaning of her words,--
"Love me as my aunt loved me."

"Have you no ambition?" the duchess said to me at dinner, with a stern
air.

"Madame," I replied, giving her a serious look, "I have enough in me
to conquer the world; but I am only twenty-one, and I am all alone."

She looked at her daughter with some astonishment. Evidently she
believed that Henriette had crushed my ambition in order to keep me
near her. The visit of Madame de Lenoncourt was a period of unrelieved
constraint. The countess begged me to be cautious; she was frightened
by the least kind word; to please her I wore the harness of deceit.
The great Thursday came; it was a day of wearisome ceremonial,--one of
those stiff days which lovers hate, when their chair is no longer in
its place, and the mistress of the house cannot be with them. Love has
a horror of all that does not concern itself. But the duchess returned
at last to the pomps and vanities of the court, and Clochegourde
recovered its accustomed order.

My little quarrel with the count resulted in making me more at home in
the house than ever; I could go there at all times without hindrance;
and the antecedents of my life inclined me to cling like a climbing
plant to the beautiful soul which had opened to me the enchanting
world of shared emotions. Every hour, every minute, our fraternal
marriage, founded on trust, became a surer thing; each of us settled
firmly into our own position; the countess enfolded me with her
nurturing care, with the white draperies of a love that was wholly
maternal; while my love for her, seraphic in her presence, seared me
as with hot irons when away from her. I loved her with a double love
which shot its arrows of desire, and then lost them in the sky, where
they faded out of sight in the impermeable ether. If you ask me why,
young and ardent, I continued in the deluding dreams of Platonic love,
I must own to you that I was not yet man enough to torture that woman,
who was always in dread of some catastrophe to her children, always
fearing some outburst of her husband's stormy temper, martyrized by
him when not afflicted by the illness of Jacques or Madeleine, and
sitting beside one or the other of them when her husband allowed her a
little rest. The mere sound of too warm a word shook her whole being;
a desire shocked her; what she needed was a veiled love, support
mingled with tenderness,--that, in short, which she gave to others.
Then, need I tell you, who are so truly feminine? this situation
brought with it hours of delightful languor, moments of divine
sweetness and content which followed by secret immolation. Her
conscience was, if I may call it so, contagious; her self-devotion
without earthly recompense awed me by its persistence; the living,
inward piety which was the bond of her other virtues filled the air
about her with spiritual incense. Besides, I was young,--young enough
to concentrate my whole being on the kiss she allowed me too seldom to
lay upon her hand, of which she gave me only the back, and never the
palm, as though she drew the line of sensual emotions there. No two
souls ever clasped each other with so much ardor, no bodies were ever
more victoriously annihilated. Later I understood the cause of this
sufficing joy. At my age no worldly interests distracted my heart; no
ambitions blocked the stream of a love which flowed like a torrent,
bearing all things on its bosom. Later, we love the woman in a woman;
but the first woman we love is the whole of womanhood; her children
are ours, her interests are our interests, her sorrows our greatest
sorrow; we love her gown, the familiar things about her; we are more
grieved by a trifling loss of hers than if we knew we had lost
everything. This is the sacred love that makes us live in the being of
another; whereas later, alas! we draw another life into ours, and
require a woman to enrich our pauper spirit with her young soul.

I was now one of the household, and I knew for the first time an
infinite sweetness, which to a nature bruised as mine was like a bath
to a weary body; the soul is refreshed in every fibre, comforted to
its very depths. You will hardly understand me, for you are a woman,
and I am speaking now of a happiness women give but do not receive. A
man alone knows the choice happiness of being, in the midst of a
strange household, the privileged friend of its mistress, the secret
centre of her affections. No dog barks at you; the servants, like the
dogs, recognize your rights; the children (who are never misled, and
know that their power cannot be lessened, and that you cherish the
light of their life), the children possess the gift of divination,
they play with you like kittens and assume the friendly tyranny they
show only to those they love; they are full of intelligent discretion
and come and go on tiptoe without noise. Every one hastens to do you
service; all like you, and smile upon you. True passions are like
beautiful flowers all the more charming to the eye when they grow in a
barren soil.

But if I enjoyed the delightful benefits of naturalization in a family
where I found relations after my own heart, I had also to pay some
costs for it. Until then Monsieur de Mortsauf had more or less
restrained himself before me. I had only seen his failings in the
mass; I was now to see the full extent of their application and
discover how nobly charitable the countess had been in the account she
had given me of these daily struggles. I learned now all the angles of
her husband's intolerable nature; I heard his perpetual scolding about
nothing, complaints of evils of which not a sign existed; I saw the
inward dissatisfaction which poisoned his life, and the incessant need
of his tyrannical spirit for new victims. When we went to walk in the
evenings he selected the way; but whichever direction we took he was
always bored; when we reached home he blamed others; his wife had
insisted on going where she wanted; why was he governed by her in all
the trifling things of life? was he to have no will, no thought of his
own? must he consent to be a cipher in his own house? If his harshness
was to be received in patient silence he was angry because he felt a
limit to his power; he asked sharply if religion did not require a
wife to please her husband, and whether it was proper to despise the
father of her children? He always ended by touching some sensitive
chord in his wife's mind; and he seemed to find a domineering pleasure
in making it sound. Sometimes he tried gloomy silence and a morbid
depression, which always alarmed his wife and made her pay him the
most tender attentions. Like petted children, who exercise their power
without thinking of the distress of their mother, he would let her
wait upon him as upon Jacques and Madeleine, of whom he was jealous.

I discovered at last that in small things as well as in great ones the
count acted towards his servants, his children, his wife, precisely as
he had acted to me about the backgammon. The day when I understood,
root and branch, these difficulties, which like a rampant overgrowth
repressed the actions and stifled the breathing of the whole family,
hindered the management of the household and retarded the improvement
of the estate by complicating the most necessary acts, I felt an
admiring awe which rose higher than my love and drove it back into my
heart. Good God! what was I? Those tears that I had taken on my lips
solemnized my spirit; I found happiness in wedding the sufferings of
that woman. Hitherto I had yielded to the count's despotism as the
smuggler pays his fine; henceforth I was a voluntary victim that I
might come the nearer to her. The countess understood me, allowed me a
place beside her, and gave me permission to share her sorrows; like
the repentant apostate, eager to rise to heaven with his brethren, I
obtained the favor of dying in the arena.

"Were it not for you I must have succumbed under this life," Henriette
said to me one evening when the count had been, like the flies on a
hot day, more stinging, venomous, and persistent than usual.

He had gone to bed. Henriette and I remained under the acacias; the
children were playing about us, bathed in the setting sun. Our few
exclamatory words revealed the mutuality of the thoughts in which we
rested from our common sufferings. When language failed silence as
faithfully served our souls, which seemed to enter one another without
hindrance; together they luxuriated in the charms of pensive languor,
they met in the undulations of the same dream, they plunged as one
into the river and came out refreshed like two nymphs as closely
united as their souls could wish, but with no earthly tie to bind
them. We entered the unfathomable gulf, we returned to the surface
with empty hands, asking each other by a look, "Among all our days on
earth will there be one for us?"

In spite of the tranquil poetry of evening which gave to the bricks of
the balustrade their orange tones, so soothing and so pure; in spite
of the religious atmosphere of the hour, which softened the voices of
the children and wafted them towards us, desire crept through my veins
like the match to the bonfire. After three months of repression I was
unable to content myself with the fate assigned me. I took Henriette's
hand and softly caressed it, trying to convey to her the ardor that
invaded me. She became at once Madame de Mortsauf, and withdrew her
hand; tears rolled from my eyes, she saw them and gave me a chilling
look, as she offered her hand to my lips.

"You must know," she said, "that this will cause me grief. A
friendship that asks so great a favor is dangerous."

Then I lost my self-control; I reproached her, I spoke of my
sufferings, and the slight alleviation that I asked for them. I dared
to tell her that at my age, if the senses were all soul still the soul
had a sex; that I could meet death, but not with closed lips. She
forced me to silence with her proud glance, in which I seemed to read
the cry of the Mexican: "And I, am I on a bed of roses?" Ever since
that day by the gate of Frapesle, when I attributed to her the hope
that our happiness might spring from a grave, I had turned with shame
from the thought of staining her soul with the desires of a brutal
passion. She now spoke with honeyed lip, and told me that she never
could be wholly mine, and that I ought to know it. As she said the
words I know that in obeying her I dug an abyss between us. I bowed my
head. She went on, saying she had an inward religious certainty that
she might love me as a brother without offending God or man; such love
was a living image of the divine love, which her good Saint-Martin
told her was the life of the world. If I could not be to her somewhat
as her old confessor was, less than a lover yet more than a brother, I
must never see her again. She could die and take to God her sheaf of
sufferings, borne not without tears and anguish.

"I gave you," she said in conclusion, "more than I ought to have
given, so that nothing might be left to take, and I am punished."

I was forced to calm her, to promise never to cause her pain, and to
love her at twenty-one years of age as old men love their youngest
child.

The next day I went early. There were no flowers in the vases of her
gray salon. I rushed into the fields and vineyards to make her two
bouquets; but as I gathered the flowers, one by one, cutting their
long stalks and admiring their beauty, the thought occurred to me that
the colors and foliage had a poetry, a harmony, which meant something
to the understanding while they charmed the eye; just as musical
melodies awaken memories in hearts that are loving and beloved. If
color is light organized, must it not have a meaning of its own, as
the combinations of the air have theirs? I called in the assistance of
Jacques and Madeleine, and all three of us conspired to surprise our
dear one. I arranged, on the lower steps of the portico, where we
established our floral headquarters, two bouquets by which I tried to
convey a sentiment. Picture to yourself a fountain of flowers gushing
from the vases and falling back in curving waves; my message springing
from its bosom in white roses and lilies with their silver cups. All
the blue flowers, harebells, forget-me-nots, and ox-tongues, whose
tines, caught from the skies, blended so well with the whiteness of
the lilies, sparkled on this dewy texture; were they not the type of
two purities, the one that knows nothing, the other that knows all; an
image of the child, an image of the martyr? Love has its blazon, and
the countess discerned it inwardly. She gave me a poignant glance
which was like the cry of a soldier when his wound is touched; she was
humbled but enraptured too. My reward was in that glance; to refresh
her heart, to have given her comfort, what encouragement for me! Then
it was that I pressed the theories of Pere Castel into the service of
love, and recovered a science lost to Europe, where written pages have
supplanted the flowery missives of the Orient with their balmy tints.
What charm in expressing our sensations through these daughters of the
sun, sisters to the flowers that bloom beneath the rays of love!
Before long I communed with the flora of the fields, as a man whom I
met in after days at Grandlieu communed with his bees.

Twice a week during the remainder of my stay at Frapesle I continued
the slow labor of this poetic enterprise, for the ultimate
accomplishment of which I needed all varieties of herbaceous plants;
into these I made a deep research, less as a botanist than as a poet,
studying their spirit rather than their form. To find a flower in its
native haunts I walked enormous distances, beside the brooklets,
through the valleys, to the summit of the cliffs, across the moorland,
garnering thoughts even from the heather. During these rambles I
initiated myself into pleasures unthought of by the man of science who
lives in meditation, unknown to the horticulturist busy with
specialities, to the artisan fettered to a city, to the merchant
fastened to his desk, but known to a few foresters, to a few woodsmen,
and to some dreamers. Nature can show effects the significations of
which are limitless; they rise to the grandeur of the highest moral
conceptions--be it the heather in bloom, covered with the diamonds of
the dew on which the sunlight dances; infinitude decked for the single
glance that may chance to fall upon it:--be it a corner of the forest
hemmed in with time-worn rocks crumbling to gravel and clothed with
mosses overgrown with juniper, which grasps our minds as something
savage, aggressive, terrifying as the cry of the kestrel issuing from
it:--be it a hot and barren moor without vegetation, stony, rigid, its
horizon like those of the desert, where once I gathered a sublime and
solitary flower, the anemone pulsatilla, with its violet petals
opening for the golden stamens; affecting image of my pure idol alone
in her valley:--be it great sheets of water, where nature casts those
spots of greenery, a species of transition between the plant and
animal, where life makes haste to come in flowers and insects,
floating there like worlds in ether:--be it a cottage with its garden
of cabbages, its vineyards, its hedges overhanging a bog, surrounded
by a few sparse fields of rye; true image of many humble existences:--
be it a forest path like some cathedral nave, where the trees are
columns and their branches arch the roof, at the far end of which a
light breaks through, mingled with shadows or tinted with sunset reds
athwart the leaves which gleam like the colored windows of a chancel:
--then, leaving these woods so cool and branchy, behold a chalk-land
lying fallow, where among the warm and cavernous mosses adders glide
to their lairs, or lift their proud slim heads. Cast upon all these
pictures torrents of sunlight like beneficent waters, or the shadow of
gray clouds drawn in lines like the wrinkles of an old man's brow, or
the cool tones of a sky faintly orange and streaked with lines of a
paler tint; then listen--you will hear indefinable harmonies amid a
silence which blends them all.

During the months of September and October I did not make a single
bouquet which cost me less than three hours search; so much did I
admire, with the real sympathy of a poet, these fugitive allegories of
human life, that vast theatre I was about to enter, the scenes of
which my memory must presently recall. Often do I now compare those
splendid scenes with memories of my soul thus expending itself on
nature; again I walk that valley with my sovereign, whose white robe
brushed the coppice and floated on the green sward, whose spirit rose,
like a promised fruit, from each calyx filled with amorous stamens.

No declaration of love, no vows of uncontrollable passion ever
conveyed more than these symphonies of flowers; my baffled desires
impelled me to efforts of expression through them like those of
Beethoven through his notes, to the same bitter reactions, to the same
mighty bounds towards heaven. In their presence Madame de Mortsauf was
my Henriette. She looked at them constantly; they fed her spirit, she
gathered all the thoughts I had given them, saying, as she raised her
head from the embroidery frame to receive my gift, "Ah, how
beautiful!"

Natalie, you will understand this delightful intercourse through the
details of a bouquet, just as you would comprehend Saadi from a
fragment of his verse. Have you ever smelt in the fields in the month
of May the perfume that communicates to all created beings the
intoxicating sense of a new creation; the sense that makes you trail
your hand in the water from a boat, and loosen your hair to the breeze
while your mind revives with the springtide greenery of the trees? A
little plant, a species of vernal grass, is a powerful element in this
veiled harmony; it cannot be worn with impunity; take into your hand
its shining blade, striped green and white like a silken robe, and
mysterious emotions will stir the rosebuds your modesty keeps hidden
in the depths of your heart. Round the neck of a porcelain vase
imagine a broad margin of the gray-white tufts peculiar to the sedum
of the vineyards of Touraine, vague image of submissive forms; from
this foundation come tendrils of the bind-weed with its silver bells,
sprays of pink rest-barrow mingled with a few young shoots of oak-
leaves, lustrous and magnificently colored; these creep forth
prostrate, humble as the weeping-willow, timid and supplicating as
prayer. Above, see those delicate threads of the purple amoret, with
its flood of anthers that are nearly yellow; the snowy pyramids of the
meadow-sweet, the green tresses of the wild oats, the slender plumes
of the agrostis, which we call wind-ear; roseate hopes, decking love's
earliest dream and standing forth against the gray surroundings. But
higher still, remark the Bengal roses, sparsely scattered among the
laces of the daucus, the plumes of the linaria, the marabouts of the
meadow-queen; see the umbels of the myrrh, the spun glass of the
clematis in seed, the dainty petals of the cross-wort, white as milk,
the corymbs of the yarrow, the spreading stems of the fumitory with
their black and rosy blossoms, the tendrils of the grape, the twisted
shoots of the honeysuckle; in short, all the innocent creatures have
that is most tangled, wayward, wild,--flames and triple darts, leaves
lanceolated or jagged, stalks convoluted like passionate desires
writhing in the soul. From the bosom of this torrent of love rises the
scarlet poppy, its tassels about to open, spreading its flaming flakes
above the starry jessamine, dominating the rain of pollen--that soft
mist fluttering in the air and reflecting the light in its myriad
particles. What woman intoxicated with the odor of the vernal grasses
would fail to understand this wealth of offered thoughts, these ardent
desires of a love demanding the happiness refused in a hundred
struggles which passion still renews, continuous, unwearying, eternal!

Put this speech of the flowers in the light of a window to show its
crisp details, its delicate contrasts, its arabesques of color, and
allow the sovereign lady to see a tear upon some petal more expanded
than the rest. What do we give to God? perfumes, light, and song, the
purest expression of our nature. Well, these offerings to God, are
they not likewise offered to love in this poem of luminous flowers
murmuring their sadness to the heart, cherishing its hidden
transports, its unuttered hopes, its illusions which gleam and fall to
fragments like the gossamer of a summer's night?

Such neutral pleasures help to soothe a nature irritated by long
contemplation of the person beloved. They were to me, I dare not say
to her, like those fissures in a dam through which the water finds a
vent and avoids disaster. Abstinence brings deadly exhaustion, which a
few crumbs falling from heaven like manna in the desert, suffices to
relieve. Sometimes I found my Henriette standing before these bouquets
with pendant arms, lost in agitated reverie, thoughts swelling her
bosom, illumining her brow as they surged in waves and sank again,
leaving lassitude and languor behind them. Never again have I made a
bouquet for any one. When she and I had created this language and
formed it to our uses, a satisfaction filled our souls like that of a
slave who escapes his masters.

During the rest of this month as I came from the meadows through the
gardens I often saw her face at the window, and when I reached the
salon she was ready at her embroidery frame. If I did not arrive at
the hour expected (though never appointed), I saw a white form
wandering on the terrace, and when I joined her she would say, "I came
to meet you; I must show a few attentions to my youngest child."

The miserable games of backgammon had come to end. The count's late
purchases took all his time in going hither and thither about the
property, surveying, examining, and marking the boundaries of his new
possessions. He had orders to give, rural works to overlook which
needed a master's eye,--all of them planned and decided on by his wife
and himself. We often went to meet him, the countess and I, with the
children, who amused themselves on the way by running after insects,
stag-beetles, darning-needles, they too making their bouquets, or to
speak more truly, their bundles of flowers. To walk beside the woman
we love, to take her on our arm, to guide her steps,--these are
illimitable joys that suffice a lifetime. Confidence is then complete.
We went alone, we returned with the "general," a title given to the
count when he was good-humored. These two ways of taking the same path
gave light and shade to our pleasure, a secret known only to hearts
debarred from union. Our talk, so free as we went, had hidden
significations as we returned, when either of us gave an answer to
some furtive interrogation, or continued a subject, already begun, in
the enigmatic phrases to which our language lends itself, and which
women are so ingenious in composing. Who has not known the pleasure of
such secret understandings in a sphere apart from those about us, a
sphere where spirits meet outside of social laws?

One day a wild hope, quickly dispelled, took possession of me, when
the count, wishing to know what we were talking of, put the inquiry,
and Henriette answered in words that allowed another meaning, which
satisfied him. This amused Madeleine, who laughed; after a moment her
mother blushed and gave me a forbidding look, as if to say she might
still withdraw from me her soul as she had once withdrawn her hand.
But our purely spiritual union had far too many charms, and on the
morrow it continued as before.

The hours, days, and weeks fled by, filled with renascent joys. Grape
harvest, the festal season in Touraine, began. Toward the end of
September the sun, less hot than during the wheat harvest, allows of
our staying in the vineyards without danger of becoming overheated. It
is easier to gather grapes than to mow wheat. Fruits of all kinds are
ripe, harvests are garnered, bread is less dear; the sense of plenty
makes the country people happy. Fears as to the results of rural toil,
in which more money than sweat is often spent, vanish before a full
granary and cellars about to overflow. The vintage is then like a gay
dessert after the dinner is eaten; the skies of Touraine, where the
autumns are always magnificent, smile upon it. In this hospitable land
the vintagers are fed and lodged in the master's house. The meals are
the only ones throughout the year when these poor people taste
substantial, well-cooked food; and they cling to the custom as the
children of patriarchal families cling to anniversaries. As the time
approaches they flock in crowds to those houses where the masters are
known to treat the laborers liberally. The house is full of people and
of provisions. The presses are open. The country is alive with the
coming and going of itinerant coopers, of carts filled with laughing
girls and joyous husbandmen, who earn better wages than at any other
time during the year, and who sing as they go. There is also another
cause of pleasurable content: classes and ranks are equal; women,
children, masters, and men, all that little world, share in the
garnering of the divine hoard. These various elements of satisfaction
explain the hilarity of the vintage, transmitted from age to age in
these last glorious days of autumn, the remembrance of which inspired
Rabelais with the bacchic form of his great work.

The children, Jacques and Madeleine, had never seen a vintage; I was
like them, and they were full of infantine delight at finding a sharer
of their pleasure; their mother, too, promised to accompany us. We
went to Villaines, where baskets are manufactured, in quest of the
prettiest that could be bought; for we four were to cut certain rows
reserved for our scissors; it was, however, agreed that none of us
were to eat too many grapes. To eat the fat bunches of Touraine in a
vineyard seemed so delicious that we all refused the finest grapes on
the dinner-table. Jacques made me swear I would go to no other
vineyard, but stay closely at Clochegourde. Never were these frail
little beings, usually pallid and smiling, so fresh and rosy and
active as they were this morning. They chattered for chatter's sake,
and trotted about without apparent object; they suddenly seemed, like
other children, to have more life than they needed; neither Monsieur
nor Madame de Mortsauf had ever seen them so before. I became a child
again with them, more of a child than either of them, perhaps; I, too,
was hoping for my harvest. It was glorious weather when we went to the
vineyard, and we stayed there half the day. How we disputed as to who
had the finest grapes and who could fill his basket quickest! The
little human shoots ran to and fro from the vines to their mother; not
a bunch could be cut without showing it to her. She laughed with the
good, gay laugh of her girlhood when I, running up with my basket
after Madeleine, cried out, "Mine too! See mine, mamma!" To which she
answered: "Don't get overheated, dear child." Then passing her hand
round my neck and through my hair, she added, giving me a little tap
on the cheek, "You are melting away." It was the only caress she ever
gave me. I looked at the pretty line of purple clusters, the hedges
full of haws and blackberries; I heard the voices of the children; I
watched the trooping girls, the cart loaded with barrels, the men with
the panniers. Ah, it is all engraved on my memory, even to the almond-
tree beside which she stood, girlish, rosy, smiling, beneath the
sunshade held open in her hand. Then I busied myself in cutting the
bunches and filling my basket, going forward to empty it in the vat,
silently, with measured bodily movement and slow steps that left my
spirit free. I discovered then the ineffable pleasure of an external
labor which carries life along, and thus regulates the rush of
passion, often so near, but for this mechanical motion, to kindle into
flame. I learned how much wisdom is contained in uniform labor; I
understood monastic discipline.

For the first time in many days the count was neither surly nor cruel.
His son was so well; the future Duc de Lenoncourt-Mortsauf, fair and
rosy and stained with grape-juice, rejoiced his heart. This day being
the last of the vintage, he had promised a dance in front of
Clochegourde in honor of the return of the Bourbons, so that our
festival gratified everybody. As we returned to the house, the
countess took my arm and leaned upon it, as if to let my heart feel
the weight of hers,--the instinctive movement of a mother who seeks to
convey her joy. Then she whispered in my ear, "You bring us
happiness."

Ah, to me, who knew her sleepless nights, her cares, her fears, her
former existence, in which, although the hand of God sustained her,
all was barren and wearisome, those words uttered by that rich voice
brought pleasures no other woman in the world could give me.

"The terrible monotony of my life is broken, all things are radiant
with hope," she said after a pause. "Oh, never leave me! Do not
despise my harmless superstitions; be the elder son, the protector of
the younger."

In this, Natalie, there is nothing romantic. To know the infinite of
our deepest feelings, we must in youth cast our lead into those great
lakes upon whose shores we live. Though to many souls passions are
lava torrents flowing among arid rocks, other souls there be in whom
passion, restrained by insurmountable obstacles, fills with purest
water the crater of the volcano.

We had still another fete. Madame de Mortsauf, wishing to accustom her
children to the practical things of life, and to give them some
experience of the toil by which men earn their living, had provided
each of them with a source of income, depending on the chances of
agriculture. To Jacques she gave the produce of the walnut-trees, to
Madeleine that of the chestnuts. The gathering of the nuts began soon
after the vintage,--first the chestnuts, then the walnuts. To beat
Madeleine's trees with a long pole and hear the nuts fall and rebound
on the dry, matted earth of a chestnut-grove; to see the serious
gravity of the little girl as she examined the heaps and estimated
their probable value, which to her represented many pleasures on which
she counted; the congratulations of Manette, the trusted servant who
alone supplied Madame de Mortsauf's place with the children; the
explanations of the mother, showing the necessity of labor to obtain
all crops, so often imperilled by the uncertainties of climate,--all
these things made up a charming scene of innocent, childlike happiness
amid the fading colors of the late autumn.

Madeleine had a little granary of her own, in which I was to see her
brown treasure garnered and share her delight. Well, I quiver still
when I recall the sound of each basketful of nuts as it was emptied on
the mass of yellow husks, mixed with earth, which made the floor of
the granary. The count bought what was needed for the household; the
farmers and tenants, indeed, every one around Clochegourde, sent
buyers to the Mignonne, a pet name which the peasantry give even to
strangers, but which in this case belonged exclusively to Madeleine.

Jacques was less fortunate in gathering his walnuts. It rained for
several days; but I consoled him with the advice to hold back his nuts
and sell them a little later. Monsieur de Chessel had told me that the
walnut-trees in the Brehemont, also those about Amboise and Vouvray,
were not bearing. Walnut oil is in great demand in Touraine. Jacques
might get at least forty sous for the product of each tree, and as he
had two hundred the amount was considerable; he intended to spend it
on the equipment of a pony. This wish led to a discussion with his
father, who bade him think of the uncertainty of such returns, and the
wisdom of creating a reserve fund for the years when the trees might
not bear, and so equalizing his resources. I felt what was passing
through the mother's mind as she sat by in silence; she rejoiced in
the way Jacques listened to his father, the father seeming to recover
the paternal dignity that was lacking to him, thanks to the ideas
which she herself had prompted in him. Did I not tell you truly that
in picturing this woman earthly language was insufficient to render
either her character or her spirit. When such scenes occurred my soul
drank in their delights without analyzing them; but now, with what
vigor they detach themselves on the dark background of my troubled
life! Like diamonds they shine against the settling of thoughts
degraded by alloy, of bitter regrets for a lost happiness. Why do the
names of the two estates purchased after the Restoration, and in which
Monsieur and Madame de Mortsauf both took the deepest interest, the
Cassine and the Rhetoriere, move me more than the sacred names of the
Holy Land or of Greece? "Who loves, knows!" cried La Fontaine. Those
names possess the talismanic power of words uttered under certain
constellations by seers; they explain magic to me; they awaken
sleeping forms which arise and speak to me; they lead me to the happy
valley; they recreate skies and landscape. But such evocations are in
the regions of the spiritual world; they pass in the silence of my own
soul. Be not surprised, therefore, if I dwell on all these homely
scenes; the smallest details of that simple, almost common life are
ties which, frail as they may seem, bound me in closest union to the
countess.

The interests of her children gave Madame de Mortsauf almost as much
anxiety as their health. I soon saw the truth of what she had told me
as to her secret share in the management of the family affairs, into
which I became slowly initiated. After ten years' steady effort Madame
de Mortsauf had changed the method of cultivating the estate. She had
"put it in fours," as the saying is in those parts, meaning the new
system under which wheat is sown every four years only, so as to make
the soil produce a different crop yearly. To evade the obstinate
unwillingness of the peasantry it was found necessary to cancel the
old leases and give new ones, to divide the estate into four great
farms and let them on equal shares, the sort of lease that prevails in
Touraine and its neighborhood. The owner of the estate gives the
house, farm-buildings, and seed-grain to tenants-at-will, with whom he
divides the costs of cultivation and the crops. This division is
superintended by an agent or bailiff, whose business it is to take the
share belonging to the owner; a costly system, complicated by the
market changes of values, which alter the character of the shares
constantly. The countess had induced Monsieur de Mortsauf to cultivate
a fifth farm, made up of the reserved lands about Clochegourde, as
much to occupy his mind as to show other farmers the excellence of the
new method by the evidence of facts. Being thus, in a hidden way, the
mistress of the estate, she had slowly and with a woman's persistency
rebuilt two of the farm-houses on the principle of those in Artois and
Flanders. It is easy to see her motive. She wished, after the
expiration of the leases on shares, to relet to intelligent and
capable persons for rental in money, and thus simplify the revenues of
Clochegourde. Fearing to die before her husband, she was anxious to
secure for him a regular income, and to her children a property which
no incapacity could jeopardize. At the present time the fruit-trees
planted during the last ten years were in full bearing; the hedges,
which secured the boundaries from dispute, were in good order; the
elms and poplars were growing well. With the new purchases and the new
farming system well under way, the estate of Clochegourde, divided
into four great farms, two of which still needed new houses, was
capable of bringing in forty thousand francs a year, ten thousand for
each farm, not counting the yield of the vineyards, and the two
hundred acres of woodland which adjoined them, nor the profits of the
model home-farm. The roads to the great farms all opened on an avenue
which followed a straight line from Clochegourde to the main road
leading to Chinon. The distance from the entrance of this avenue to
Tours was only fifteen miles; tenants would never be wanting,
especially now that everybody was talking of the count's improvements
and the excellent condition of his land.

The countess wished to put some fifteen thousand francs into each of
the estates lately purchased, and to turn the present dwellings into
two large farm-houses and buildings, in order that the property might
bring in a better rent after the ground had been cultivated for a year
or two. These ideas, so simple in themselves, but complicated with the
thirty odd thousand francs it was necessary to expend upon them, were
just now the topic of many discussions between herself and the count,
sometimes amounting to bitter quarrels, in which she was sustained by
the thought of her children's interests. The fear, "If I die to-morrow
what will become of them?" made her heart beat. The gentle, peaceful
hearts to whom anger is an impossibility, and whose sole desire is to
shed on those about them their own inward peace, alone know what
strength is needed for such struggles, what demands upon the spirit
must be made before beginning the contest, what weariness ensues when
the fight is over and nothing has been won. At this moment, just as
her children seemed less anemic, less frail, more active (for the
fruit season had had its effect on them), and her moist eyes followed
them as they played about her with a sense of contentment which
renewed her strength and refreshed her heart, the poor woman was
called upon to bear the sharp sarcasms and attacks of an angry
opposition. The count, alarmed at the plans she proposed, denied with
stolid obstinacy the advantages of all she had done and the
possibility of doing more. He replied to conclusive reasoning with the
folly of a child who denies the influence of the sun in summer. The
countess, however, carried the day. The victory of commonsense over
insanity so healed her wounds that she forgot the battle. That day we
all went to the Cassine and the Rhetoriere, to decide upon the
buildings. The count walked alone in front, the children went next,
and we ourselves followed slowly, for she was speaking in a low,
gentle tone, which made her words like the murmur of the sea as it
ripples on a smooth beach.

She was, she said, certain of success. A new line of communication
between Tours and Chinon was to be opened by an active man, a carrier,
a cousin of Manette's, who wanted a large farm on the route. His
family was numerous; the eldest son would drive the carts, the second
could attend to the business, the father living half-way along the
road, at Rabelaye, one of the farms then to let, would look after the
relays and enrich his land with the manure of the stables. As to the
other farm, la Baude, the nearest to Clochegourde, one of their own
people, a worthy, intelligent, and industrious man, who saw the
advantages of the new system of agriculture, was ready to take a lease
on it. The Cassine and the Rhetoriere need give no anxiety; their soil
was the very best in the neighborhood; the farm-houses once built, and
the ground brought into cultivation, it would be quite enough to
advertise them at Tours; tenants would soon apply for them. In two
years' time Clochegourde would be worth at least twenty-four thousand
francs a year. Gravelotte, the farm in Maine, which Monsieur de
Mortsauf had recovered after the emigration, was rented for seven
thousand francs a year for nine years; his pension was four thousand.
This income might not be a fortune, but it was certainly a competence.
Later, other additions to it might enable her to go to Paris and
attend to Jacques' education; in two years, she thought, his health
would be established.

With what feeling she uttered the word "Paris!" I knew her thought;
she wished to be as little separated as possible from her friend. On
that I broke forth; I told her that she did not know me; that without
talking of it, I had resolved to finish my education by working day
and night so as to fit myself to be Jacques' tutor. She looked grave.

"No, Felix," she said, "that cannot be, any more than your priesthood.
I thank you from my heart as a mother, but as a woman who loves you
sincerely I can never allow you to be the victim of your attachment to
me. Such a position would be a social discredit to you, and I could
not allow it. No! I cannot be an injury to you in any way. You,
Vicomte de Vandenesse, a tutor! You, whose motto is 'Ne se vend!' Were
you Richelieu himself it would bar your way in life; it would give the
utmost pain to your family. My friend, you do not know what insult
women of the world, like my mother, can put into a patronizing glance,
what degradation into a word, what contempt into a bow."

"But if you love me, what is the world to me?"

She pretended not to hear, and went on:--

"Though my father is most kind and desirous of doing all I ask, he
would never forgive your taking so humble a position; he would refuse
you his protection. I could not consent to your becoming tutor to the
Dauphin even. You must accept society as it is; never commit the fault
of flying in the face of it. My friend, this rash proposal of--"

"Love," I whispered.

"No, charity," she said, controlling her tears, "this wild idea
enlightens me as to your character; your heart will be your bane. I
shall claim from this moment the right to teach you certain things.
Let my woman's eye see for you sometimes. Yes, from the solitudes of
Clochegourde I mean to share, silently, contentedly, in your
successes. As to a tutor, do not fear; we shall find some good old
abbe, some learned Jesuit, and my father will gladly devote a handsome
sum to the education of the boy who is to bear his name. Jacques is my
pride. He is, however, eleven years old," she added after a pause.
"But it is with him as with you; when I first saw you I took you to be
about thirteen."

We now reached the Cassine, where Jacques, Madeleine, and I followed
her about as children follow a mother; but we were in her way; I left
her presently and went into the orchard where Martineau the elder,
keeper of the place, was discussing with Martineau the younger, the
bailiff, whether certain trees ought or ought not to be taken down;
they were arguing the matter as if it concerned their own property. I
then saw how much the countess was beloved. I spoke of it to a poor
laborer, who, with one foot on his spade and an elbow on its handle,
stood listening to the two doctors of pomology.

"Ah, yes, monsieur," he answered, "she is a good woman, and not
haughty like those hussies at Azay, who would see us die like dogs
sooner than yield us one penny of the price of a grave! The day when
that woman leaves these parts the Blessed Virgin will weep, and we
too. She knows what is due to her, but she knows our hardships, too,
and she puts them into the account."

With what pleasure I gave that man all the money I had.

A few days later a pony arrived for Jacques, his father, an excellent
horseman, wishing to accustom the child by degrees to the fatigues of
such exercise. The boy had a pretty riding-dress, bought with the
product of the nuts. The morning when he took his first lesson
accompanied by his father and by Madeleine, who jumped and shouted
about the lawn round which Jacques was riding, was a great maternal
festival for the countess. The boy wore a blue collar embroidered by
her, a little sky-blue overcoat fastened by a polished leather belt, a
pair of white trousers pleated at the waist, and a Scotch cap, from
which his fair hair flowed in heavy locks. He was charming to behold.
All the servants clustered round to share the domestic joy. The little
heir smiled at his mother as he passed her, sitting erect, and quite
fearless. This first manly act of a child to whom death had often
seemed so near, the promise of a sound future warranted by this ride
which showed him so handsome, so fresh, so rosy,--what a reward for
all her cares! Then too the joy of the father, who seemed to renew his
youth, and who smiled for the first time in many long months; the
pleasure shown on all faces, the shout of an old huntsman of the
Lenoncourts, who had just arrived from Tours, and who, seeing how the
boy held the reins, shouted to him, "Bravo, monsieur le vicomte!"--all
this was too much for the poor mother, and she burst into tears; she,
so calm in her griefs, was too weak to bear the joy of admiring her
boy as he bounded over the gravel, where so often she had led him in
the sunshine inwardly weeping his expected death. She leaned upon my
arm unreservedly, and said: "I think I have never suffered. Do not
leave us to-day."

The lesson over, Jacques jumped into his mother's arms; she caught him
and held him tightly to her, kissing him passionately. I went with
Madeleine to arrange two magnificent bouquets for the dinner-table in
honor of the young equestrian. When we returned to the salon the
countess said: "The fifteenth of October is certainly a great day with
me. Jacques has taken his first riding lesson, and I have just set the
last stitch in my furniture cover."

"Then, Blanche," said the count, laughing, "I must pay you for it."

He offered her his arm and took her to the first courtyard, where
stood an open carriage which her father had sent her, and for which
the count had purchased two English horses. The old huntsman had
prepared the surprise while Jacques was taking his lesson. We got into
the carriage, and went to see where the new avenue entered the main
road towards Chinon. As we returned, the countess said to me in an
anxious tone, "I am too happy; to me happiness is like an illness,--it
overwhelms me; I fear it may vanish like a dream."

I loved her too passionately not to feel jealous,--I who could give
her nothing! In my rage against myself I longed for some means of
dying for her. She asked me to tell her the thoughts that filled my
eyes, and I told her honestly. She was more touched than by all her
presents; then taking me to the portico, she poured comfort into my
heart. "Love me as my aunt loved me," she said, "and that will be
giving me your life; and if I take it, must I not ever be grateful to
you?

"It was time I finished my tapestry," she added as we re-entered the
salon, where I kissed her hand as if to renew my vows. "Perhaps you do
not know, Felix, why I began so formidable a piece of work. Men find
the occupations of life a great resource against troubles; the
management of affairs distracts their mind; but we poor women have no
support within ourselves against our sorrows. To be able to smile
before my children and my husband when my heart was heavy I felt the
need of controlling my inward sufferings by some physical exercise. In
this way I escaped the depression which is apt to follow a great
strain upon the moral strength, and likewise all outbursts of
excitement. The mere action of lifting my arm regularly as I drew the
stitches rocked my thoughts and gave to my spirit when the tempest
raged a monotonous ebb and flow which seemed to regulate its emotions.
To every stitch I confided my secrets,--you understand me, do you not?
Well, while doing my last chair I have thought much, too much, of you,
dear friend. What you have put into your bouquets I have said in my
embroidery."

The dinner was lovely. Jacques, like all children when you take notice
of them, jumped into my arms when he saw the flowers I had arranged
for him as a garland. His mother pretended to be jealous; ah, Natalie,
you should have seen the charming grace with which the dear child
offered them to her. In the afternoon we played a game of backgammon,
I alone against Monsieur and Madame de Mortsauf, and the count was
charming. They accompanied me along the road to Frapesle in the
twilight of a tranquil evening, one of those harmonious evenings when
our feelings gain in depth what they lose in vivacity. It was a day of
days in this poor woman's life; a spot of brightness which often
comforted her thoughts in painful hours.

Soon, however, the riding lessons became a subject of contention. The
countess justly feared the count's harsh reprimands to his son.
Jacques grew thin, dark circles surrounded his sweet blue eyes; rather
than trouble his mother, he suffered in silence. I advised him to tell
his father he was tired when the count's temper was violent; but that
expedient proved unavailing, and it became necessary to substitute the
old huntsman as a teacher in place of the father, who could with
difficulty be induced to resign his pupil. Angry reproaches and
contentions began once more; the count found a text for his continual
complaints in the base ingratitude of women; he flung the carriage,
horses, and liveries in his wife's face twenty times a day. At last a
circumstance occurred on which a man with his nature and his disease
naturally fastened eagerly. The cost of the buildings at the Cassine
and the Rhetoriere proved to be half as much again as the estimate.
This news was unfortunately given in the first instance to Monsieur de
Mortsauf instead of to his wife. It was the ground of a quarrel, which
began mildly but grew more and more embittered until it seemed as
though the count's madness, lulled for a short time, was demanding its
arrearages from the poor wife.

That day I had started from Frapesle at half-past ten to search for
flowers with Madeleine. The child had brought the two vases to the
portico, and I was wandering about the gardens and adjoining meadows
gathering the autumn flowers, so beautiful, but too rare. Returning
from my final quest, I could not find my little lieutenant with her
white cape and broad pink sash; but I heard cries within the house,
and Madeleine presently came running out.

"The general," she said, crying (the term with her was an expression
of dislike), "the general is scolding mamma; go and defend her."

I sprang up the steps of the portico and reached the salon without
being seen by either the count or his wife. Hearing the madman's sharp
cries I first shut all the doors, then I returned and found Henriette
as white as her dress.

"Never marry, Felix," said the count as soon as he saw me; "a woman is
led by the devil; the most virtuous of them would invent evil if it
did not exist; they are all vile."

Then followed arguments without beginning or end. Harking back to the
old troubles, Monsieur de Mortsauf repeated the nonsense of the
peasantry against the new system of farming. He declared that if he
had had the management of Clochegourde he should be twice as rich as
he now was. He shouted these complaints and insults, he swore, he
sprang around the room knocking against the furniture and displacing
it; then in the middle of a sentence he stopped short, complained that
his very marrow was on fire, his brains melting away like his money,
his wife had ruined him! The countess smiled and looked upward.

"Yes, Blanche," he cried, "you are my executioner; you are killing me;
I am in your way; you want to get rid of me; you are monster of
hypocrisy. She is smiling! Do you know why she smiles, Felix?"

I kept silence and looked down.

"That woman," he continued, answering his own question, "denies me all
happiness; she is no more to me than she is to you, and yet she
pretends to be my wife! She bears my name and fulfils none of the
duties which all laws, human and divine, impose upon her; she lies to
God and man. She obliges me to go long distances, hoping to wear me
out and make me leave her to herself; I am displeasing to her, she
hates me; she puts all her art into keeping me away from her; she has
made me mad through the privations she imposes on me--for everything
flies to my poor head; she is killing me by degrees, and she thinks
herself a saint and takes the sacrament every month!"

The countess was weeping bitterly, humiliated by the degradation of
the man, to whom she kept saying for all answer, "Monsieur! monsieur!
monsieur!"

Though the count's words made me blush, more for him than for
Henriette, they stirred my heart violently, for they appealed to the
sense of chastity and delicacy which is indeed the very warp and woof
of first love.

"She is virgin at my expense," cried the count.

At these words the countess cried out, "Monsieur!"

"What do you mean with your imperious 'Monsieur!'" he shouted. "Am I
not your master? Must I teach you that I am?"

He came towards her, thrusting forward his white wolf's head, now
hideous, for his yellow eyes had a savage expression which made him
look like a wild beast rushing out of a wood. Henriette slid from her
chair to the ground to avoid a blow, which however was not given; she
lay at full length on the floor and lost consciousness, completely
exhausted. The count was like a murderer who feels the blood of his
victim spurting in his face; he stopped short, bewildered. I took the
poor woman in my arms, and the count let me take her, as though he
felt unworthy to touch her; but he went before me to open the door of
her bedroom next the salon,--a sacred room I had never entered. I put
the countess on her feet and held her for a moment in one arm, passing
the other round her waist, while Monsieur de Mortsauf took the eider-
down coverlet from the bed; then together we lifted her and laid her,
still dressed, on the bed. When she came to herself she motioned to us
to unfasten her belt. Monsieur de Mortsauf found a pair of scissors,
and cut through it; I made her breathe salts, and she opened her eyes.
The count left the room, more ashamed than sorry. Two hours passed in
perfect silence. Henriette's hand lay in mine; she pressed it to mine,
but could not speak. From time to time she opened her eyes as if to
tell me by a look that she wished to be still and silent; then
suddenly, for an instant, there seemed a change; she rose on her elbow
and whispered, "Unhappy man!--ah! if you did but know--"

She fell back upon the pillow. The remembrance of her past sufferings,
joined to the present shock, threw her again into the nervous
convulsions I had just calmed by the magnetism of love,--a power then
unknown to me, but which I used instinctively. I held her with gentle
force, and she gave me a look which made me weep. When the nervous
motions ceased I smoothed her disordered hair, the first and only time
that I ever touched it; then I again took her hand and sat looking at
the room, all brown and gray, at the bed with its simple chintz
curtains, at the toilet table draped in a fashion now discarded, at
the commonplace sofa with its quilted mattress. What poetry I could
read in that room! What renunciations of luxury for herself; the only
luxury being its spotless cleanliness. Sacred cell of a married nun,
filled with holy resignation; its sole adornments were the crucifix of
her bed, and above it the portrait of her aunt; then, on each side of
the holy water basin, two drawings of the children made by herself,
with locks of their hair when they were little. What a retreat for a
woman whose appearance in the great world of fashion would have made
the handsomest of her sex jealous! Such was the chamber where the
daughter of an illustrious family wept out her days, sunken at this
moment in anguish, and denying herself the love that might have
comforted her. Hidden, irreparable woe! Tears of the victim for her
slayer, tears of the slayer for his victim! When the children and
waiting-woman came at length into the room I left it. The count was
waiting for me; he seemed to seek me as a mediating power between
himself and his wife. He caught my hands, exclaiming, "Stay, stay with
us, Felix!"

"Unfortunately," I said, "Monsieur de Chessel has a party, and my
absence would cause remark. But after dinner I will return."

He left the house when I did, and took me to the lower gate without
speaking; then he accompanied me to Frapesle, seeming not to know what
he was doing. At last I said to him, "For heaven's sake, Monsieur le
comte, let her manage your affairs if it pleases her, and don't
torment her."

"I have not long to live," he said gravely; "she will not suffer long
through me; my head is giving way."

He left me in a spasm of involuntary self-pity. After dinner I
returned for news of Madame de Mortsauf, who was already better. If
such were the joys of marriage, if such scenes were frequent, how
could she survive them long? What slow, unpunished murder was this?
During that day I understood the tortures by which the count was
wearing out his wife. Before what tribunal can we arraign such crimes?
These thoughts stunned me; I could say nothing to Henriette by word of
mouth, but I spent the night in writing to her. Of the three or four
letters that I wrote I have kept only the beginning of one, with which
I was not satisfied. Here it is, for though it seems to me to express
nothing, and to speak too much of myself when I ought only to have
thought of her, it will serve to show you the state my soul was in:--

  To Madame de Mortsauf:

  How many things I had to say to you when I reached the house! I
  thought of them on the way, but I forgot them in your presence.
  Yes, when I see you, dear Henriette, I find my thoughts no longer
  in keeping with the light from your soul which heightens your
  beauty; then, too, the happiness of being near you is so ineffable
  as to efface all other feelings. Each time we meet I am born into
  a broader life; I am like the traveller who climbs a rock and sees
  before him a new horizon. Each time you talk with me I add new
  treasures to my treasury. There lies, I think, the secret of long
  and inexhaustible affections. I can only speak to you of yourself
  when away from you. In your presence I am too dazzled to see, too
  happy to question my happiness, too full of you to be myself, too
  eloquent through you to speak, too eager in seizing the present
  moment to remember the past. You must think of this state of
  intoxication and forgive me its consequent mistakes.

  When near you I can only feel. Yet, I have courage to say, dear
  Henriette, that never, in all the many joys you have given me,
  never did I taste such joy as filled my soul when, after that
  dreadful storm through which you struggled with superhuman
  courage, you came to yourself alone with me, in the twilight of
  your chamber where that unhappy scene had brought me. I alone
  know the light that shines from a woman when through the portals
  of death she re-enters life with the dawn of a rebirth tinting her
  brow. What harmonies were in your voice! How words, even your
  words, seemed paltry when the sound of that adored voice--in
  itself the echo of past pains mingled with divine consolations--
  blessed me with the gift of your first thought. I knew you were
  brilliant with all human splendor, but yesterday I found a new
  Henriette, who might be mine if God so willed; I beheld a spirit
  freed from the bodily trammels which repress the ardors of the
  soul. Ah! thou wert beautiful indeed in thy weakness, majestic in
  thy prostration. Yesterday I found something more beautiful than
  thy beauty, sweeter than thy voice; lights more sparkling than the
  light of thine eyes, perfumes for which there are no words--
  yesterday thy soul was visible and palpable. Would I could have
  opened my heart and made thee live there! Yesterday I lost the
  respectful timidity with which thy presence inspires me; thy
  weakness brought us nearer together. Then, when the crisis passed
  and thou couldst bear our atmosphere once more, I knew what it was
  to breathe in unison with thy breath. How many prayers rose up to
  heaven in that moment! Since I did not die as I rushed through
  space to ask of God that he would leave thee with me, no human
  creature can die of joy nor yet of sorrow. That moment has left
  memories buried in my soul which never again will reappear upon
  its surface and leave me tearless. Yes, the fears with which my
  soul was tortured yesterday are incomparably greater than all
  sorrows that the future can bring upon me, just as the joys which
  thou hast given me, dear eternal thought of my life! will be
  forever greater than any future joy God may be pleased to grant
  me. Thou hast made me comprehend the love divine, that sure love,
  sure in strength and in duration, that knows no doubt or jealousy.

Deepest melancholy gnawed my soul; the glimpse into that hidden life
was agonizing to a young heart new to social emotions; it was an awful
thing to find this abyss at the opening of life,--a bottomless abyss,
a Dead Sea. This dreadful aggregation of misfortunes suggested many
thoughts; at my first step into social life I found a standard of
comparison by which all other events and circumstances must seem
petty.

The next day when I entered the salon she was there alone. She looked
at me for a moment, held out her hand, and said, "My friend is always
too tender." Her eyes grew moist; she rose, and then she added, in a
tone of desperate entreaty, "Never write thus to me again."

Monsieur de Mortsauf was very kind. The countess had recovered her
courage and serenity; but her pallor betrayed the sufferings of the
previous night, which were calmed, but not extinguished. That evening
she said to me, as she paced among the autumn leaves which rustled
beneath our footsteps, "Sorrow is infinite; joys are limited,"--words
which betrayed her sufferings by the comparison she made with the
fleeting delights of the previous week.

"Do not slander life," I said to her. "You are ignorant of love; love
gives happiness which shines in heaven."

"Hush!" she said. "I wish to know nothing of it. The Icelander would
die in Italy. I am calm and happy beside you; I can tell you all my
thoughts; do not destroy my confidence. Why will you not combine the
virtue of the priest with the charm of a free man."

"You make me drink the hemlock!" I cried, taking her hand and laying
it on my heart, which was beating fast.

"Again!" she said, withdrawing her hand as if it pained her. "Are you
determined to deny me the sad comfort of letting my wounds be stanched
by a friendly hand? Do not add to my sufferings; you do not know them
all; those that are hidden are the worst to bear. If you were a woman
you would know the melancholy disgust that fills her soul when she
sees herself the object of attentions which atone for nothing, but are
thought to atone for all. For the next few days I shall be courted and
caressed, that I may pardon the wrong that has been done. I could then
obtain consent to any wish of mine, however unreasonable. I am
humiliated by his humility, by caresses which will cease as soon as he
imagines that I have forgotten that scene. To owe our master's good
graces to his faults--"

"His crimes!" I interrupted quickly.

"Is not that a frightful condition of existence?" she continued, with
a sad smile. "I cannot use this transient power. At such times I am
like the knights who could not strike a fallen adversary. To see in
the dust a man whom we ought to honor, to raise him only to enable him
to deal other blows, to suffer from his degradation more than he
suffers himself, to feel ourselves degraded if we profit by such
influence for even a useful end, to spend our strength, to waste the
vigor of our souls in struggles that have no grandeur, to have no
power except for a moment when a fatal crisis comes--ah, better death!
If I had no children I would let myself drift on the wretched current
of this life; but if I lose my courage, what will become of them? I
must live for them, however cruel this life may be. You talk to me of
love. Ah! my dear friend, think of the hell into which I should fling
myself if I gave that pitiless being, pitiless like all weak
creatures, the right to despise me. The purity of my conduct is my
strength. Virtue, dear friend, is holy water in which we gain fresh
strength, from which we issue renewed in the love of God."

"Listen to me, dear Henriette; I have only another week to stay here,
and I wish--"

"Ah, you mean to leave us!" she exclaimed.

"You must know what my father intends to do with me," I replied. "It
is now three months--"

"I have not counted the days," she said, with momentary self-
abandonment. Then she checked herself and cried, "Come, let us go to
Frapesle."

She called the count and the children, sent for a shawl, and when all
were ready she, usually so calm and slow in all her movements, became
as active as a Parisian, and we started in a body to pay a visit at
Frapesle which the countess did not owe. She forced herself to talk to
Madame de Chessel, who was fortunately discursive in her answers. The
count and Monsieur de Chessel conversed on business. I was afraid the
former might boast of his carriage and horses; but he committed no
such solecisms. His neighbor questioned him about his projected
improvements at the Cassine and the Rhetoriere. I looked at the count,
wondering if he would avoid a subject of conversation so full of
painful memories to all, so cruelly mortifying to him. On the
contrary, he explained how urgent a duty it was to better the
agricultural condition of the canton, to build good houses and make
the premises salubrious; in short, he glorified himself with his
wife's ideas. I blushed as I looked at her. Such want of scruple in a
man who, on certain occasions, could be scrupulous enough, this
oblivion of the dreadful scene, this adoption of ideas against which
he had fought so violently, this confident belief in himself,
petrified me.

When Monsieur de Chessel said to him, "Do you expect to recover your
outlay?"

"More than recover it!" he exclaimed, with a confident gesture.

Such contradictions can be explained only by the word "insanity."
Henriette, celestial creature, was radiant. The count was appearing to
be a man of intelligence, a good administrator, an excellent
agriculturist; she played with her boy's curly head, joyous for him,
happy for herself. What a comedy of pain, what mockery in this drama;
I was horrified by it. Later in life, when the curtain of the world's
stage was lifted before me, how many other Mortsaufs I saw without the
loyalty and the religious faith of this man. What strange, relentless
power is it that perpetually awards an angel to a madman; to a man of
heart, of true poetic passion, a base woman; to the petty, grandeur;
to this demented brain, a beautiful, sublime being; to Juana, Captain
Diard, whose history at Bordeaux I have told you; to Madame de
Beauseant, an Ajuda; to Madame d'Aiglemont, her husband; to the
Marquis d'Espard, his wife! Long have I sought the meaning of this
enigma. I have ransacked many mysteries, I have discovered the reason
of many natural laws, the purport of some divine hieroglyphics; of the
meaning of this dark secret I know nothing. I study it as I would the
form of an Indian weapon, the symbolic construction of which is known
only to the Brahmans. In this dread mystery the spirit of Evil is too
visibly the master; I dare not lay the blame to God. Anguish
irremediable, what power finds amusement in weaving you? Can Henriette
and her mysterious philosopher be right? Does their mysticism contain
the explanation of humanity?

The autumn leaves were falling during the last few days which I passed
in the valley, days of lowering clouds, which do sometimes obscure the
heaven of Touraine, so pure, so warm at that fine season. The evening
before my departure Madame de Mortsauf took me to the terrace before
dinner.

"My dear Felix," she said, after we had taken a turn in silence under
the leafless trees, "you are about to enter the world, and I wish to
go with you in thought. Those who have suffered much have lived and
known much. Do not think that solitary souls know nothing of the
world; on the contrary, they are able to judge it. Hear me: If I am to
live in and for my friend I must do what I can for his heart and for
his conscience. When the conflict rages it is hard to remember rules;
therefore let me give you a few instructions, the warnings of a mother
to her son. The day you leave us I shall give you a letter, a long
letter, in which you will find my woman's thoughts on the world, on
society, on men, on the right methods of meeting difficulty in this
great clash of human interests. Promise me not to read this letter
till you reach Paris. I ask it from a fanciful sentiment, one of those
secrets of womanhood not impossible to understand, but which we grieve
to find deciphered; leave me this covert way where as a woman I wish
to walk alone."

"Yes, I promise it," I said, kissing her hand.

"Ah," she added, "I have one more promise to ask of you; but grant it
first."

"Yes, yes!" I cried, thinking it was surely a promise of fidelity.

"It does not concern myself," she said smiling, with some bitterness.
"Felix, do not gamble in any house, no matter whose it be; I except
none."

"I will never play at all," I replied.

"Good," she said. "I have found a better use for your time than to
waste it on cards. The end will be that where others must sooner or
later be losers you will invariably win."

"How so?"

"The letter will tell you," she said, with a playful smile, which took
from her advice the serious tone which might certainly have been that
of a grandfather.

The countess talked to me for an hour, and proved the depth of her
affection by the study she had made of my nature during the last three
months. She penetrated the recesses of my heart, entering it with her
own; the tones of her voice were changeful and convincing; the words
fell from maternal lips, showing by their tone as well as by their
meaning how many ties already bound us to each other.

"If you knew," she said in conclusion, "with what anxiety I shall
follow your course, what joy I shall feel if you walk straight, what
tears I must shed if you strike against the angles! Believe that my
affection has no equal; it is involuntary and yet deliberate. Ah, I
would that I might see you happy, powerful, respected,--you who are to
me a living dream."

She made me weep, so tender and so terrible was she. Her feelings came
boldly to the surface, yet they were too pure to give the slightest
hope even to a young man thirsting for pleasure. Ignoring my tortured
flesh, she shed the rays, undeviating, incorruptible, of the divine
love, which satisfies the soul only. She rose to heights whither the
prismatic pinions of a love like mine were powerless to bear me. To
reach her a man must needs have won the white wings of the seraphim.

"In all that happens to me I will ask myself," I said, "'What would my
Henriette say?'"

"Yes, I will be the star and the sanctuary both," she said, alluding
to the dreams of my childhood.

"You are my light and my religion," I cried; "you shall be my all."

"No," she answered; "I can never be the source of your pleasures."

She sighed; the smile of secret pain was on her lips, the smile of the
slave who momentarily revolts. From that day forth she was to me, not
merely my beloved, but my only love; she was not IN my heart as a
woman who takes a place, who makes it hers by devotion or by excess of
pleasure given; but she was my heart itself,--it was all hers, a
something necessary to the play of my muscles. She became to me as
Beatrice to the Florentine, as the spotless Laura to the Venetian, the
mother of great thoughts, the secret cause of resolutions which saved
me, the support of my future, the light shining in the darkness like a
lily in a wood. Yes, she inspired those high resolves which pass
through flames, which save the thing in peril; she gave me a constancy
like Coligny's to vanquish conquerors, to rise above defeat, to weary
the strongest wrestler.

The next day, having breakfasted at Frapesle and bade adieu to my kind
hosts, I went to Clochegourde. Monsieur and Madame de Mortsauf had
arranged to drive with me to Tours, whence I was to start the same
night for Paris. During the drive the countess was silent; she
pretended at first to have a headache; then she blushed at the
falsehood, and expiated it by saying that she could not see me go
without regret. The count invited me to stay with them whenever, in
the absence of the Chessels, I might long to see the valley of the
Indre once more. We parted heroically, without apparent tears, but
Jacques, who like other delicate children was quickly touched, began
to cry, while Madeleine, already a woman, pressed her mother's hand.

"Dear little one!" said the countess, kissing Jacques passionately.

When I was alone at Tours after dinner a wild, inexplicable desire
known only to young blood possessed me. I hired a horse and rode from
Tours to Pont-de-Ruan in an hour and a quarter. There, ashamed of my
folly, I dismounted, and went on foot along the road, stepping
cautiously like a spy till I reached the terrace. The countess was not
there, and I imagined her ill; I had kept the key of the little gate,
by which I now entered; she was coming down the steps of the portico
with the two children to breathe in sadly and slowly the tender
melancholy of the landscape, bathed at that moment in the setting sun.

"Mother, here is Felix," said Madeleine.

"Yes," I whispered; "it is I. I asked myself why I should stay at
Tours while I still could see you; why not indulge a desire that in a
few days more I could not gratify."

"He won't leave us again, mother," cried Jacques, jumping round me.

"Hush!" said Madeleine; "if you make such a noise the general will
come."

"It is not right," she said. "What folly!"

The tears in her voice were the payment of what must be called a
usurious speculation of love.

"I had forgotten to return this key," I said smiling.

"Then you will never return," she said.

"Can we ever be really parted?" I asked, with a look which made her
drop her eyelids for all answer.

I left her after a few moments passed in that happy stupor of the
spirit where exaltation ends and ecstasy begins. I went with lagging
step, looking back at every minute. When, from the summit of the hill,
I saw the valley for the last time I was struck with the contrast it
presented to what it was when I first came there. Then it was verdant,
then it glowed, glowed and blossomed like my hopes and my desires.
Initiated now into the gloomy secrets of a family, sharing the anguish
of a Christian Niobe, sad with her sadness, my soul darkened, I saw
the valley in the tone of my own thoughts. The fields were bare, the
leaves of the poplars falling, the few that remained were rusty, the
vine-stalks were burned, the tops of the trees were tan-colored, like
the robes in which royalty once clothed itself as if to hide the
purple of its power beneath the brown of grief. Still in harmony with
my thoughts, the valley, where the yellow rays of the setting sun were
coldly dying, seemed to me a living image of my heart.

To leave a beloved woman is terrible or natural, according as the mind
takes it. For my part, I found myself suddenly in a strange land of
which I knew not the language. I was unable to lay hold of things to
which my soul no longer felt attachment. Then it was that the height
and the breadth of my love came before me; my Henriette rose in all
her majesty in this desert where I existed only through thoughts of
her. That form so worshipped made me vow to keep myself spotless
before my soul's divinity, to wear ideally the white robe of the
Levite, like Petrarch, who never entered Laura's presence unless
clothed in white. With what impatience I awaited the first night of my
return to my father's roof, when I could read the letter which I felt
of during the journey as a miser fingers the bank-bills he carries
about him. During the night I kissed the paper on which my Henriette
had manifested her will; I sought to gather the mysterious emanations
of her hand, to recover the intonations of her voice in the hush of my
being. Since then I have never read her letters except as I read that
first letter; in bed, amid total silence. I cannot understand how the
letters of our beloved can be read in any other way; yet there are
men, unworthy to be loved, who read such letters in the turmoil of the
day, laying them aside and taking them up again with odious composure.

Here, Natalie, is the voice which echoed through the silence of that
night. Behold the noble figure which stood before me and pointed to
the right path among the cross-ways at which I stood.

  To Monsieur le Vicomte Felix de Vandenesse:

  What happiness for me, dear friend, to gather the scattered
  elements of my experience that I may arm you against the dangers
  of the world, through which I pray that you pass scatheless. I
  have felt the highest pleasures of maternal love as night after
  night I have thought of these things. While writing this letter,
  sentence by sentence, projecting my thoughts into the life you are
  about to lead, I went often to my window. Looking at the towers of
  Frapesle, visible in the moonlight, I said to myself, "He sleeps,
  I wake for him." Delightful feelings! which recall the happiest of
  my life, when I watched Jacques sleeping in his cradle and waited
  till he wakened, to feed him with my milk. You are the man-child
  whose soul must now be strengthened by precepts never taught in
  schools, but which we women have the privilege of inculcating.
  These precepts will influence your success; they prepare the way
  for it, they will secure it. Am I not exercising a spiritual
  motherhood in giving you a standard by which to judge the actions
  of your life; a motherhood comprehended, is it not, by the child?
  Dear Felix, let me, even though I may make a few mistakes, let me
  give to our friendship a proof of the disinterestedness which
  sanctifies it.

  In yielding you to the world I am renouncing you; but I love you
  too well not to sacrifice my happiness to your welfare. For the
  last four months you have made me reflect deeply on the laws and
  customs which regulate our epoch. The conversations I have had
  with my aunt, well-known to you who have replaced her, the events
  of Monsieur de Mortsauf's life, which he has told me, the tales
  related by my father, to whom society and the court are familiar
  in their greatest as well as in their smallest aspects, all these
  have risen in my memory for the benefit of my adopted child at the
  moment when he is about to be launched, well-nigh alone, among
  men; about to act without adviser in a world where many are
  wrecked by their own best qualities thoughtlessly displayed, while
  others succeed through a judicious use of their worst.

  I ask you to ponder this statement of my opinion of society as a
  whole; it is concise, for to you a few words are sufficient.

  I do not know whether societies are of divine origin or whether
  they were invented by man. I am equally ignorant of the direction
  in which they tend. What I do know certainly is the fact of their
  existence. No sooner therefore do you enter society, instead of
  living a life apart, than you are bound to consider its conditions
  binding; a contract is signed between you. Does society in these
  days gain more from a man than it returns to him? I think so; but
  as to whether the individual man finds more cost than profit, or
  buys too dear the advantages he obtains, concerns the legislator
  only; I have nothing to say to that. In my judgment you are bound
  to obey in all things the general law, without discussion, whether
  it injures or benefits your personal interests. This principle may
  seem to you a very simple one, but it is difficult of application;
  it is like sap, which must infiltrate the smallest of the
  capillary tubes to stir the tree, renew its verdure, develop its
  flowers, and ripen fruit. Dear, the laws of society are not all
  written in a book; manners and customs create laws, the more
  important of which are often the least known. Believe me, there
  are neither teachers, nor schools, nor text-books for the laws
  that are now to regulate your actions, your language, your visible
  life, the manner of your presentation to the world, and your quest
  of fortune. Neglect those secret laws or fail to understand them,
  and you stay at the foot of the social system instead of looking
  down upon it. Even though this letter may seem to you diffuse,
  telling you much that you have already thought, let me confide to
  you a woman's ethics.

  To explain society on the theory of individual happiness adroitly
  won at the cost of the greater number is a monstrous doctrine,
  which in its strict application leads men to believe that all they
  can secretly lay hold of before the law or society or other
  individuals condemn it as a wrong is honestly and fairly theirs.
  Once admit that claim and the clever thief goes free; the woman
  who violates her marriage vow without the knowledge of the world
  is virtuous and happy; kill a man, leaving no proof for justice,
  and if, like Macbeth, you win a crown you have done wisely; your
  selfish interests become the higher law; the only question then is
  how to evade, without witnesses or proof, the obstacles which law
  and morality place between you and your self-indulgence. To those
  who hold this view of society, the problem of making their
  fortune, my dear friend, resolves itself into playing a game where
  the stakes are millions or the galleys, political triumphs or
  dishonor. Still, the green cloth is not long enough for all the
  players, and a certain kind of genius is required to play the
  game. I say nothing of religious beliefs, nor yet of feelings;
  what concerns us now is the running-gear of the great machine of
  gold and iron, and its practical results with which men's lives
  are occupied. Dear child of my heart, if you share my horror at
  this criminal theory of the world, society will present to your
  mind, as it does to all sane minds, the opposite theory of duty.
  Yes, you will see that man owes himself to man in a thousand
  differing ways. To my mind, the duke and peer owe far more to the
  workman and the pauper than the pauper and the workman owe to the
  duke. The obligations of duty enlarge in proportion to the
  benefits which society bestows on men; in accordance with the
  maxim, as true in social politics as in business, that the burden
  of care and vigilance is everywhere in proportion to profits. Each
  man pays his debt in his own way. When our poor toiler at the
  Rhetoriere comes home weary with his day's work has he not done
  his duty? Assuredly he has done it better than many in the ranks
  above him.

  If you take this view of society, in which you are about to seek a
  place in keeping with your intellect and your faculties, you must
  set before you as a generating principle and mainspring, this
  maxim: never permit yourself to act against either your own
  conscience or the public conscience. Though my entreaty may seem
  to you superfluous, yet I entreat, yes, your Henriette implores
  you to ponder the meaning of that rule. It seems simple but, dear,
  it means that integrity, loyalty, honor, and courtesy are the
  safest and surest instruments for your success. In this selfish
  world you will find many to tell you that a man cannot make his
  way by sentiments, that too much respect for moral considerations
  will hinder his advance. It is not so; you will see men ill-
  trained, ill-taught, incapable of measuring the future, who are
  rough to a child, rude to an old woman, unwilling to be irked by
  some worthy old man on the ground that they can do nothing for
  him; later, you will find the same men caught by the thorns which
  they might have rendered pointless, and missing their triumph for
  some trivial reason; whereas the man who is early trained to a
  sense of duty does not meet the same obstacles; he may attain
  success less rapidly, but when attained it is solid and does not
  crumble like that of others.

  When I show you that the application of this doctrine demands in
  the first place a mastery of the science of manners, you may think
  my jurisprudence has a flavor of the court and of the training I
  received as a Lenoncourt. My dear friend, I do attach great
  importance to that training, trifling as it seems. You will find
  that the habits of the great world are as important to you as the
  wide and varied knowledge that you possess. Often they take the
  place of such knowledge; for some really ignorant men, born with
  natural gifts and accustomed to give connection to their ideas,
  have been known to attain a grandeur never reached by others far
  more worthy of it. I have studied you thoroughly, Felix, wishing
  to know if your education, derived wholly from schools, has
  injured your nature. God knows the joy with which I find you fit
  for that further education of which I speak.

  The manners of many who are brought up in the traditions of the
  great world are purely external; true politeness, perfect manners,
  come from the heart, and from a deep sense of personal dignity.
  This is why some men of noble birth are, in spite of their
  training, ill-mannered, while others, among the middle classes,
  have instinctive good taste and only need a few lessons to give
  them excellent manners without any signs of awkward imitation.
  Believe a poor woman who no longer leaves her valley when she
  tells you that this dignity of tone, this courteous simplicity in
  words, in gesture, in bearing, and even in the character of the
  home, is a living and material poem, the charm of which is
  irresistible; imagine therefore what it is when it takes its
  inspiration from the heart. Politeness, dear, consists in seeming
  to forget ourselves for others; with many it is social cant, laid
  aside when personal self-interest shows its cloven-foot; a noble
  then becomes ignoble. But--and this is what I want you to
  practise, Felix--true politeness involves a Christian principle;
  it is the flower of Love, it requires that we forget ourselves
  really. In memory of your Henriette, for her sake, be not a
  fountain without water, have the essence and the form of true
  courtesy. Never fear to be the dupe and victim of this social
  virtue; you will some day gather the fruit of seeds scattered
  apparently to the winds.

  My father used to say that one of the great offences of sham
  politeness was the neglect of promises. When anything is demanded
  of you that you cannot do, refuse positively and leave no
  loopholes for false hopes; on the other hand, grant at once
  whatever you are willing to bestow. Your prompt refusal will make
  you friends as well as your prompt benefit, and your character
  will stand the higher; for it is hard to say whether a promise
  forgotten, a hope deceived does not make us more enemies than a
  favor granted brings us friends.

  Dear friend, there are certain little matters on which I may
  dwell, for I know them, and it comes within my province to impart
  them. Be not too confiding, nor frivolous, nor over enthusiastic,
  --three rocks on which youth often strikes. Too confiding a nature
  loses respect, frivolity brings contempt, and others take
  advantage of excessive enthusiasm. In the first place, Felix, you
  will never have more than two or three friends in the course of
  your life. Your entire confidence is their right; to give it to
  many is to betray your real friends. If you are more intimate with
  some men than with others keep guard over yourself; be as cautious
  as though you knew they would one day be your rivals, or your
  enemies; the chances and changes of life require this. Maintain an
  attitude which is neither cold nor hot; find the medium point at
  which a man can safely hold intercourse with others without
  compromising himself. Yes, believe me, the honest man is as far
  from the base cowardice of Philinte as he is from the harsh virtue
  of Alceste. The genius of the poet is displayed in the mind of
  this true medium; certainly all minds do enjoy more the ridicule
  of virtue than the sovereign contempt of easy-going selfishness
  which underlies that picture of it; but all, nevertheless, are
  prompted to keep themselves from either extreme.

  As to frivolity, if it causes fools to proclaim you a charming
  man, others who are accustomed to judge of men's capacities and
  fathom character, will winnow out your tare and bring you to
  disrepute, for frivolity is the resource of weak natures, and
  weakness is soon appraised in a society which regards its members
  as nothing more than organs--and perhaps justly, for nature
  herself puts to death imperfect beings. A woman's protecting
  instincts may be roused by the pleasure she feels in supporting
  the weak against the strong, and in leading the intelligence of
  the heart to victory over the brutality of matter; but society,
  less a mother than a stepmother, adores only the children who
  flatter her vanity.

  As to ardent enthusiasm, that first sublime mistake of youth,
  which finds true happiness in using its powers, and begins by
  being its own dupe before it is the dupe of others, keep it within
  the region of the heart's communion, keep it for woman and for
  God. Do not hawk its treasures in the bazaars of society or of
  politics, where trumpery will be offered in exchange for them.
  Believe the voice which commands you to be noble in all things
  when it also prays you not to expend your forces uselessly.
  Unhappily, men will rate you according to your usefulness, and not
  according to your worth. To use an image which I think will strike
  your poetic mind, let a cipher be what it may, immeasurable in
  size, written in gold, or written in pencil, it is only a cipher
  after all. A man of our times has said, "No zeal, above all, no
  zeal!" The lesson may be sad, but it is true, and it saves the
  soul from wasting its bloom. Hide your pure sentiments, or put
  them in regions inaccessible, where their blossoms may be
  passionately admired, where the artist may dream amorously of his
  master-piece. But duties, my friend, are not sentiments. To do
  what we ought is by no means to do what we like. A man who would
  give his life enthusiastically for a woman must be ready to die
  coldly for his country.

  One of the most important rules in the science of manners is that
  of almost absolute silence about ourselves. Play a little comedy
  for your own instruction; talk of yourself to acquaintances, tell
  them about your sufferings, your pleasures, your business, and you
  will see how indifference succeeds pretended interest; then
  annoyance follows, and if the mistress of the house does not find
  some civil way of stopping you the company will disappear under
  various pretexts adroitly seized. Would you, on the other hand,
  gather sympathies about you and be spoken of as amiable and witty,
  and a true friend? talk to others of themselves, find a way to
  bring them forward, and brows will clear, lips will smile, and
  after you leave the room all present will praise you. Your
  conscience and the voice of your own heart will show you the line
  where the cowardice of flattery begins and the courtesy of
  intercourse ceases.

  One word more about a young man's demeanor in public. My dear
  friend, youth is always inclined to a rapidity of judgment which
  does it honor, but also injury. This was why the old system of
  education obliged young people to keep silence and study life in a
  probationary period beside their elders. Formerly, as you know,
  nobility, like art, had its apprentices, its pages, devoted body
  and soul to the masters who maintained them. To-day youth is
  forced in a hot-house; it is trained to judge of thoughts,
  actions, and writings with biting severity; it slashes with a
  blade that has not been fleshed. Do not make this mistake. Such
  judgments will seem like censures to many about you, who would
  sooner pardon an open rebuke than a secret wound. Young people are
  pitiless because they know nothing of life and its difficulties.
  The old critic is kind and considerate, the young critic is
  implacable; the one knows nothing, the other knows all. Moreover,
  at the bottom of all human actions there is a labyrinth of
  determining reasons on which God reserves for himself the final
  judgment. Be severe therefore to none but yourself.

  Your future is before you; but no one in the world can make his
  way unaided. Therefore, make use of my father's house; its doors
  are open to you; the connections that you will create for yourself
  under his roof will serve you in a hundred ways. But do not yield
  an inch of ground to my mother; she will crush any one who gives
  up to her, but she will admire the courage of whoever resists her.
  She is like iron, which if beaten, can be fused with iron, but
  when cold will break everything less hard than itself. Cultivate
  my mother; for if she thinks well of you she will introduce you
  into certain houses where you can acquire the fatal science of the
  world, the art of listening, speaking, answering, presenting
  yourself to the company and taking leave of it; the precise use of
  language, the something--how shall I explain it?--which is no more
  superiority than the coat is the man, but without which the
  highest talent in the world will never be admitted within those
  portals.

  I know you well enough to be quite sure I indulge no illusion when
  I imagine that I see you as I wish you to be; simple in manners,
  gentle in tone, proud without conceit, respectful to the old,
  courteous without servility, above all, discreet. Use your wit but
  never display it for the amusement of others; for be sure that if
  your brilliancy annoys an inferior man, he will retire from the
  field and say of you in a tone of contempt, "He is very amusing."
  Let your superiority be leonine. Moreover, do not be always
  seeking to please others. I advise a certain coldness in your
  relations with men, which may even amount to indifference; this
  will not anger others, for all persons esteem those who slight
  them; and it will win you the favor of women, who will respect you
  for the little consequence that you attach to men. Never remain in
  company with those who have lost their reputation, even though
  they may not have deserved to do so; for society holds us
  responsible for our friendships as well as for our enmities. In
  this matter let your judgments be slowly and maturely weighed, but
  see that they are irrevocable. When the men whom you have repulsed
  justify the repulsion, your esteem and regard will be all the more
  sought after; you have inspired the tacit respect which raises a
  man among his peers. I behold you now armed with a youth that
  pleases, grace which attracts, and wisdom with which to preserve
  your conquests. All that I have now told you can be summed up in
  two words, two old-fashioned words, "Noblesse oblige."

  Now apply these precepts to the management of life. You will hear
  many persons say that strategy is the chief element of success;
  that the best way to press through the crowd is to set some men
  against other men and so take their places. That was a good system
  for the Middle Ages, when princes had to destroy their rivals by
  pitting one against the other; but in these days, all things being
  done in open day, I am afraid it would do you ill-service. No, you
  must meet your competitors face to face, be they loyal and true
  men, or traitorous enemies whose weapons are calumny, evil-
  speaking, and fraud. But remember this, you have no more powerful
  auxiliaries than these men themselves; they are their own enemies;
  fight them with honest weapons, and sooner or later they are
  condemned. As to the first of them, loyal men and true, your
  straightforwardness will obtain their respect, and the differences
  between you once settled (for all things can be settled), these
  men will serve you. Do not be afraid of making enemies; woe to him
  who has none in the world you are about to enter; but try to give
  no handle for ridicule or disparagement. I say TRY, for in Paris a
  man cannot always belong solely to himself; he is sometimes at the
  mercy of circumstances; you will not always be able to avoid the
  mud in the gutter nor the tile that falls from the roof. The moral
  world has gutters where persons of no reputation endeavor to
  splash the mud in which they live upon men of honor. But you can
  always compel respect by showing that you are, under all
  circumstances, immovable in your principles. In the conflict of
  opinions, in the midst of quarrels and cross-purposes, go straight
  to the point, keep resolutely to the question; never fight except
  for the essential thing, and put your whole strength into that.
  You know how Monsieur de Mortsauf hates Napoleon, how he curses
  him and pursues him as justice does a criminal; demanding
  punishment day and night for the death of the Duc d'Enghien, the
  only death, the only misfortune, that ever brought the tears to
  his eyes; well, he nevertheless admired him as the greatest of
  captains, and has often explained to me his strategy. May not the
  same tactics be applied to the war of human interests; they would
  economize time as heretofore they economized men and space. Think
  this over, for as a woman I am liable to be mistaken on such
  points which my sex judges only by instinct and sentiment. One
  point, however, I may insist on; all trickery, all deception, is
  certain to be discovered and to result in doing harm; whereas
  every situation presents less danger if a man plants himself
  firmly on his own truthfulness. If I may cite my own case, I can
  tell you that, obliged as I am by Monsieur de Mortsauf's condition
  to avoid litigation and to bring to an immediate settlement all
  difficulties which arise in the management of Clochegourde, and
  which would otherwise cause him an excitement under which his mind
  would succumb, I have invariably settled matters promptly by
  taking hold of the knot of the difficulty and saying to our
  opponents: "We will either untie it or cut it!"

  It will often happen that you do a service to others and find
  yourself ill-rewarded; I beg you not to imitate those who complain
  of men and declare them to be all ungrateful. That is putting
  themselves on a pedestal indeed! and surely it is somewhat silly
  to admit their lack of knowledge of the world. But you, I trust,
  will not do good as a usurer lends his money; you will do it--will
  you not?--for good's sake. Noblesse oblige. Nevertheless, do not
  bestow such services as to force others to ingratitude, for if you
  do, they will become your most implacable enemies; obligations
  sometimes lead to despair, like the despair of ruin itself, which
  is capable of very desperate efforts. As for yourself, accept as
  little as you can from others. Be no man's vassal; and bring
  yourself out of your own difficulties.

  You see, dear friend, I am advising you only on the lesser points
  of life. In the world of politics things wear a different aspect;
  the rules which are to guide your individual steps give way before
  the national interests. If you reach that sphere where great men
  revolve you will be, like God himself, the sole arbiter of your
  determinations. You will no longer be a man, but law, the living
  law; no longer an individual, you are then the Nation incarnate.
  But remember this, though you judge, you will yourself be judged;
  hereafter you will be summoned before the ages, and you know
  history well enough to be fully informed as to what deeds and what
  sentiments have led to true grandeur.

  I now come to a serious matter, your conduct towards women.
  Wherever you visit make it a principle not to fritter yourself
  away in a petty round of gallantry. A man of the last century who
  had great social success never paid attention to more than one
  woman of an evening, choosing the one who seemed the most
  neglected. That man, my dear child, controlled his epoch. He
  wisely reckoned that by a given time all women would speak well of
  him. Many young men waste their most precious possession, namely,
  the time necessary to create connections which contribute more
  than all else to social success. Your springtime is short,
  endeavor to make the most of it. Cultivate influential women.
  Influential women are old women; they will teach you the
  intermarriages and the secrets of all the families of the great
  world; they will show you the cross-roads which will bring you
  soonest to your goal. They will be fond of you. The bestowal of
  protection is their last form of love--when they are not devout.
  They will do you innumerable good services; sing your praises and
  make you desirable to society. Avoid young women. Do not think I
  say this from personal self-interest. The woman of fifty will do
  all for you, the woman of twenty will do nothing; she wants your
  whole life while the other asks only a few attentions. Laugh with
  the young women, meet them for pastime merely; they are incapable
  of serious thought. Young women, dear friend, are selfish, vain,
  petty, ignorant of true friendship; they love no one but
  themselves; they would sacrifice you to an evening's success.
  Besides, they all want absolute devotion, and your present
  situation requires that devotion be shown to you; two
  irreconcilable needs! None of these young women would enter into
  your interests; they would think of themselves and not of you;
  they would injure you more by their emptiness and frivolity than
  they could serve you by their love; they will waste your time
  unscrupulously, hinder your advance to fortune, and end by
  destroying your future with the best grace possible. If you
  complain, the silliest of them will make you think that her glove
  is more precious than fortune, and that nothing is so glorious as
  to be her slave. They will all tell you that they bestow
  happiness, and thus lull you to forget your nobler destiny.
  Believe me, the happiness they give is transitory; your great
  career will endure. You know not with what perfidious cleverness
  they contrive to satisfy their caprices, nor the art with which
  they will convert your passing fancy into a love which ought to be
  eternal. The day when they abandon you they will tell you that the
  words, "I no longer love you," are a full justification of their
  conduct, just as the words, "I love," justified their winning you;
  they will declare that love is involuntary and not to be coerced.
  Absurd! Believe me, dear, true love is eternal, infinite, always
  like unto itself; it is equable, pure, without violent
  demonstration; white hair often covers the head but the heart that
  holds it is ever young. No such love is found among the women of
  the world; all are playing comedy; this one will interest you by
  her misfortunes; she seems the gentlest and least exacting of her
  sex, but when once she is necessary to you, you will feel the
  tyranny of weakness and will do her will; you may wish to be a
  diplomat, to go and come, and study men and interests,--no, you
  must stay in Paris, or at her country-place, sewn to her
  petticoat, and the more devotion you show the more ungrateful and
  exacting she will be. Another will attract you by her
  submissiveness; she will be your attendant, follow you
  romantically about, compromise herself to keep you, and be the
  millstone about your neck. You will drown yourself some day, but
  the woman will come to the surface.

  The least manoeuvring of these women of the world have many nets.
  The silliest triumph because too foolish to excite distrust. The
  one to be feared least may be the woman of gallantry whom you love
  without exactly knowing why; she will leave you for no motive and
  go back to you out of vanity. All these women will injure you,
  either in the present or the future. Every young woman who enters
  society and lives a life of pleasure and of gratified vanity is
  semi-corrupt and will corrupt you. Among them you will not find
  the chaste and tranquil being in whom you may forever reign. Ah!
  she who loves you will love solitude; the festivals of her heart
  will be your glances; she will live upon your words. May she be
  all the world to you, for you will be all in all to her. Love her
  well; give her neither griefs nor rivals; do not rouse her
  jealousy. To be loved, dear, to be comprehended, is the greatest
  of all joys; I pray that you may taste it! But run no risk of
  injuring the flower of your soul; be sure, be very sure of the
  heart in which you place your affections. That woman will never be
  her own self; she will never think of herself, but of you. She
  will never oppose you, she will have no interests of her own; for
  you she will see a danger where you can see none and where she
  would be oblivious of her own. If she suffers it will be in
  silence; she will have no personal vanity, but deep reverence for
  whatever in her has won your love. Respond to such a love by
  surpassing it. If you are fortunate enough to find that which I,
  your poor friend, must ever be without, I mean a love mutually
  inspired, mutually felt, remember that in a valley lives a mother
  whose heart is so filled with the feelings you have put there that
  you can never sound its depths. Yes, I bear you an affection which
  you will never know to its full extent; before it could show
  itself for what it is you would have to lose your mind and
  intellect, and then you would be unable to comprehend the length
  and breadth of my devotion.

  Shall I be misunderstood in bidding you avoid young women (all
  more or less artful, satirical, vain, frivolous, and extravagant)
  and attach yourself to influential women, to those imposing
  dowagers full of excellent good-sense, like my aunt, who will help
  your career, defend you from attacks, and say for you the things
  that you cannot say for yourself? Am I not, on the contrary,
  generous in bidding you reserve your love for the coming angel
  with the guileless heart? If the motto Noblesse oblige sums up the
  advice I gave you just now, my further advice on your relations to
  women is based upon that other motto of chivalry, "Serve all, love
  one!"

  Your educational knowledge is immense; your heart, saved by early
  suffering, is without a stain; all is noble, all is well with you.
  Now, Felix, WILL! Your future lies in that one word, that word of
  great men. My child, you will obey your Henriette, will you not?
  You will permit her to tell you from time to time the thoughts
  that are in her mind of you and of your relations to the world? I
  have an eye in my soul which sees the future for you as for my
  children; suffer me to use that faculty for your benefit; it is a
  faculty, a mysterious gift bestowed by my lonely life; far from
  its growing weaker, I find it strengthened and exalted by solitude
  and silence.

  I ask you in return to bestow a happiness on me; I desire to see
  you becoming more and more important among men, without one single
  success that shall bring a line of shame upon my brow; I desire
  that you may quickly bring your fortunes to the level of your
  noble name, and be able to tell me I have contributed to your
  advancement by something better than a wish. This secret
  co-operation in your future is the only pleasure I can allow
  myself. For it, I will wait and hope.

  I do not say farewell. We are separated; you cannot put my hand to
  your lips, but you must surely know the place you hold in the
  heart of your

Henriette.

As I read this letter I felt the maternal heart beating beneath my
fingers which held the paper while I was still cold from the harsh
greeting of my own mother. I understood why the countess had forbidden
me to open it in Touraine; no doubt she feared that I would fall at
her feet and wet them with my tears.

I now made the acquaintance of my brother Charles, who up to this time
had been a stranger to me. But in all our intercourse he showed a
haughtiness which kept us apart and prevented brotherly affection.
Kindly feelings depend on similarity of soul, and there was no point
of touch between us. He preached to me dogmatically those social
trifles which head or heart can see without instruction; he seemed to
mistrust me. If I had not had the inward support of my great love he
would have made me awkward and stupid by affecting to believe that I
knew nothing of life. He presented me in society under the expectation
that my dulness would be a foil to his qualities. Had I not remembered
the sorrows of my childhood I might have taken his protecting vanity
for brotherly affection; but inward solitude produces the same effects
as outward solitude; silence within our souls enables us to hear the
faintest sound; the habit of taking refuge within ourselves develops a
perception which discerns every quality of the affections about us.
Before I knew Madame de Mortsauf a hard look grieved me, a rough word
wounded me to the heart; I bewailed these things without as yet
knowing anything of a life of tenderness; whereas now, since my return
from Clochegourde, I could make comparisons which perfected my
instinctive perceptions. All deductions derived only from sufferings
endured are incomplete. Happiness has a light to cast. I now allowed
myself the more willingly to be kept under the heel of primogeniture
because I was not my brother's dupe.

I always went alone to the Duchesse de Lenoncourt's, where Henriette's
name was never mentioned; no one, except the good old duke, who was
simplicity itself, ever spoke of her to me; but by the way he welcomed
me I guessed that his daughter had privately commended me to his care.
At the moment when I was beginning to overcome the foolish wonder and
shyness which besets a young man at his first entrance into the great
world, and to realize the pleasures it could give through the
resources it offers to ambition, just, too, as I was beginning to make
use of Henriette's maxims, admiring their wisdom, the events of the
20th of March took place.

My brother followed the court to Ghent; I, by Henriette's advice (for
I kept up a correspondence with her, active on my side only), went
there also with the Duc de Lenoncourt. The natural kindness of the old
duke turned to a hearty and sincere protection as soon as he saw me
attached, body and soul, to the Bourbons. He himself presented me to
his Majesty. Courtiers are not numerous when misfortunes are rife; but
youth is gifted with ingenuous admiration and uncalculating fidelity.
The king had the faculty of judging men; a devotion which might have
passed unobserved in Paris counted for much at Ghent, and I had the
happiness of pleasing Louis XVIII.

A letter from Madame de Mortsauf to her father, brought with
despatches by an emissary of the Vendeens, enclosed a note to me by
which I learned that Jacques was ill. Monsieur de Mortsauf, in despair
at his son's ill-health, and also at the news of a second emigration,
added a few words which enabled me to guess the situation of my dear
one. Worried by him, no doubt, when she passed all her time at
Jacques' bedside, allowed no rest either day or night, superior to
annoyance, yet unable always to control herself when her whole soul
was given to the care of her child, Henriette needed the support of a
friendship which might lighten the burden of her life, were it only by
diverting her husband's mind. Though I was now most impatient to rival
the career of my brother, who had lately been sent to the Congress of
Vienna, and was anxious at any risk to justify Henriette's appeal and
become a man myself, freed from all vassalage, nevertheless my
ambition, my desire for independence, the great interest I had in not
leaving the king, all were of no account before the vision of Madame
de Mortsauf's sad face. I resolved to leave the court at Ghent and
serve my true sovereign. God rewarded me. The emissary sent by the
Vendeens was unable to return. The king wanted a messenger who would
faithfully carry back his instructions. The Duc de Lenoncourt knew
that the king would never forget the man who undertook so perilous an
enterprise; he asked for the mission without consulting me, and I
gladly accepted it, happy indeed to be able to return to Clochegourde
employed in the good cause.

After an audience with the king I returned to France, where, both in
Paris and in Vendee, I was fortunate enough to carry out his Majesty's
instructions. Towards the end of May, being tracked by the Bonapartist
authorities to whom I was denounced, I was obliged to fly from place
to place in the character of a man endeavoring to get back to his
estate. I went on foot from park to park, from wood to wood, across
the whole of upper Vendee, the Bocage and Poitou, changing my
direction as danger threatened.

I reached Saumur, from Saumur I went to Chinon, and from Chinon I
reached, in a single night, the woods of Nueil, where I met the count
on horseback; he took me up behind him and we reached Clochegourde
without passing any one who recognized me.

"Jacques is better," were the first words he said to me.

I explained to him my position of diplomatic postman, hunted like a
wild beast, and the brave gentleman in his quality of royalist claimed
the danger over Chessel of receiving me. As we came in sight of
Clochegourde the past eight months rolled away like a dream. When we
entered the salon the count said: "Guess whom I bring you?--Felix!"

"Is it possible!" she said, with pendant arms and a bewildered face.

I showed myself and we both remained motionless; she in her armchair,
I on the threshold of the door; looking at each other with that hunger
of the soul which endeavors to make up in a single glance for the lost
months. Then, recovering from a surprise which left her heart
unveiled, she rose and I went up to her.

"I have prayed for your safety," she said, giving me her hand to kiss.

She asked news of her father; then she guessed my weariness and went
to prepare my room, while the count gave me something to eat, for I
was dying of hunger. My room was the one above hers, her aunt's room;
she requested the count to take me there, after setting her foot on
the first step of the staircase, deliberating no doubt whether to
accompany me; I turned my head, she blushed, bade me sleep well, and
went away. When I came down to dinner I heard for the first time of
the disasters at Waterloo, the flight of Napoleon, the march of the
Allies to Paris, and the probable return of the Bourbons. These events
were all in all to the count; to us they were nothing. What think you
was the great event I was to learn, after kissing the children?--for I
will not dwell on the alarm I felt at seeing the countess pale and
shrunken; I knew the injury I might do by showing it and was careful
to express only joy at seeing her. But the great event for us was told
in the words, "You shall have ice to-day!" She had often fretted the
year before that the water was not cold enough for me, who, never
drinking anything else, liked it iced. God knows how many entreaties
it had cost her to get an ice-house built. You know better than any
one that a word, a look, an inflection of the voice, a trifling
attention, suffices for love; love's noblest privilege is to prove
itself by love. Well, her words, her look, her pleasure, showed me her
feelings, as I had formerly shown her mine by that first game of
backgammon. These ingenuous proofs of her affection were many; on the
seventh day after my arrival she recovered her freshness, she sparkled
with health and youth and happiness; my lily expanded in beauty just
as the treasures of my heart increased. Only in petty minds or in
common hearts can absence lessen love or efface the features or
diminish the beauty of our dear one. To ardent imaginations, to all
beings through whose veins enthusiasm passes like a crimson tide, and
in whom passion takes the form of constancy, absence has the same
effect as the sufferings of the early Christians, which strengthened
their faith and made God visible to them. In hearts that abound in
love are there not incessant longings for a desired object, to which
the glowing fire of our dreams gives higher value and a deeper tint?
Are we not conscious of instigations which give to the beloved
features the beauty of the ideal by inspiring them with thought? The
past, dwelt on in all its details becomes magnified; the future teems
with hope. When two hearts filled with these electric clouds meet each
other, their interview is like the welcome storm which revives the
earth and stimulates it with the swift lightnings of the thunderbolt.
How many tender pleasures came to me when I found these thoughts and
these sensations reciprocal! With what glad eyes I followed the
development of happiness in Henriette! A woman who renews her life
from that of her beloved gives, perhaps, a greater proof of feeling
than she who dies killed by a doubt, withered on her stock for want of
sap; I know not which of the two is the more touching.

The revival of Madame de Mortsauf was wholly natural, like the effects
of the month of May upon the meadows, or those of the sun and of the
brook upon the drooping flowers. Henriette, like our dear valley of
love, had had her winter; she revived like the valley in the
springtime. Before dinner we went down to the beloved terrace. There,
with one hand stroking the head of her son, who walked feebly beside
her, silent, as though he were breeding an illness, she told me of her
nights beside his pillow.

For three months, she said, she had lived wholly within herself,
inhabiting, as it were, a dark palace; afraid to enter sumptuous rooms
where the light shone, where festivals were given, to her denied, at
the door of which she stood, one glance turned upon her child, another
to a dim and distant figure; one ear listening for moans, another for
a voice. She told me poems, born of solitude, such as no poet ever
sang; but all ingenuously, without one vestige of love, one trace of
voluptuous thought, one echo of a poesy orientally soothing as the
rose of Frangistan. When the count joined us she continued in the same
tone, like a woman secure within herself, able to look proudly at her
husband and kiss the forehead of her son without a blush. She had
prayed much; she had clasped her hands for nights together over her
child, refusing to let him die.

"I went," she said, "to the gate of the sanctuary and asked his life
of God."

She had had visions, and she told them to me; but when she said, in
that angelic voice of hers, these exquisite words, "While I slept my
heart watched," the count harshly interrupted her.

"That is to say, you were half crazy," he cried.

She was silent, as deeply hurt as though it were a first wound;
forgetting that for thirteen years this man had lost no chance to
shoot his arrows into her heart. Like a soaring bird struck on the
wing by vulgar shot, she sank into a dull depression; then she roused
herself.

"How is it, monsieur," she said, "that no word of mine ever finds
favor in your sight? Have you no indulgence for my weakness,--no
comprehension of me as a woman?"

She stopped short. Already she regretted the murmur, and measured the
future by the past; how could she expect comprehension? Had she not
drawn upon herself some virulent attack? The blue veins of her temples
throbbed; she shed no tears, but the color of her eyes faded. Then she
looked down, that she might not see her pain reflected on my face, her
feelings guessed, her soul wooed by my soul; above all, not see the
sympathy of young love, ready like a faithful dog to spring at the
throat of whoever threatened his mistress, without regard to the
assailant's strength or quality. At such cruel moments the count's air
of superiority was supreme. He thought he had triumphed over his wife,
and he pursued her with a hail of phrases which repeated the one idea,
and were like the blows of an axe which fell with unvarying sound.

"Always the same?" I said, when the count left us to follow the
huntsman who came to speak to him.

"Always," answered Jacques.

"Always excellent, my son," she said, endeavoring to withdraw Monsieur
de Mortsauf from the judgment of his children. "You see only the
present, you know nothing of the past; therefore you cannot criticise
your father without doing him injustice. But even if you had the pain
of seeing that your father was to blame, family honor requires you to
bury such secrets in silence."

"How have the changes at the Cassine and the Rhetoriere answered?" I
asked, to divert her mind from bitter thoughts.

"Beyond my expectations," she replied. "As soon as the buildings were
finished we found two excellent farmers ready to hire them; one at
four thousand five hundred francs, taxes paid; the other at five
thousand; both leases for fifteen years. We have already planted three
thousand young trees on the new farms. Manette's cousin is delighted
to get the Rabelaye; Martineau has taken the Baude. All OUR efforts
have been crowned with success. Clochegourde, without the reserved
land which we call the home-farm, and without the timber and
vineyards, brings in nineteen thousand francs a year, and the
plantations are becoming valuable. I am battling to let the home-farm
to Martineau, the keeper, whose eldest son can now take his place. He
offers three thousand francs if Monsieur de Mortsauf will build him a
farm-house at the Commanderie. We might then clear the approach to
Clochegourde, finish the proposed avenue to the main road, and have
only the woodland and the vineyards to take care of ourselves. If the
king returns, OUR pension will be restored; WE shall consent after
clashing a little with OUR wife's common-sense. Jacques' fortune will
then be permanently secured. That result obtained, I shall leave
monsieur to lay by as much as he likes for Madeleine, though the king
will of course dower her, according to custom. My conscience is easy;
I have all but accomplished my task. And you?" she said.

I explained to her the mission on which the king had sent me, and
showed her how her wise counsel had borne fruit. Was she endowed with
second sight thus to foretell events?

"Did I not write it to you?" she answered. "For you and for my
children alone I possess a remarkable faculty, of which I have spoken
only to my confessor, Monsieur de la Berge; he explains it by divine
intervention. Often, after deep meditation induced by fears about the
health of my children, my eyes close to the things of earth and see
into another region; if Jacques and Madeleine there appear to me as
two luminous figures they are sure to have good health for a certain
period of time; if wrapped in mist they are equally sure to fall ill
soon after. As for you, I not only see you brilliantly illuminated,
but I hear a voice which explains to me without words, by some mental
communication, what you ought to do. Does any law forbid me to use
this wonderful gift for my children and for you?" she asked, falling
into a reverie. Then, after a pause, she added, "Perhaps God wills to
take the place of their father."

"Let me believe that my obedience is due to none but you," I cried.

She gave me one of her exquisitely gracious smiles, which so exalted
my heart that I should not have felt a death-blow if given at that
moment.

"As soon as the king returns to Paris, go there; leave Clochegourde,"
she said. "It may be degrading to beg for places and favors, but it
would be ridiculous to be out of the way of receiving them. Great
changes will soon take place. The king needs capable and trustworthy
men; don't fail him. It is well for you to enter young into the
affairs of the nation and learn your way; for statesmen, like actors,
have a routine business to acquire, which genius does not reveal, it
must be learnt. My father heard the Duc de Choiseul say this. Think of
me," she said, after a pause; "let me enjoy the pleasures of
superiority in a soul that is all my own; for are you not my son?"

"Your son?" I said, sullenly.

"Yes, my son!" she cried, mocking me; "is not that a good place in my
heart?"

The bell rang for dinner; she took my arm and leaned contentedly upon
it.

"You have grown," she said, as we went up the steps. When we reached
the portico she shook my arm a little, as if my looks were
importunate; for though her eyes were lowered she knew that I saw only
her. Then she said, with a charming air of pretended impatience, full
of grace and coquetry, "Come, why don't you look at our dear valley?"

She turned, held her white silk sun-shade over our heads and drew
Jacques closely to her side. The motion of her head as she looked
towards the Indre, the punt, the meadows, showed me that in my absence
she had come to many an understanding with those misty horizons and
their vaporous outline. Nature was a mantle which sheltered her
thoughts. She now knew what the nightingale was sighing the livelong
night, what the songster of the sedges hymned with his plaintive note.

At eight o'clock that evening I was witness of a scene which touched
me deeply, and which I had never yet witnessed, for in my former
visits I had played backgammon with the count while his wife took the
children into the dining-room before their bedtime. The bell rang
twice, and all the servants of the household entered the room.

"You are now our guest and must submit to convent rule," said the
countess, leading me by the hand with that air of innocent gaiety
which distinguishes women who are naturally pious.

The count followed. Masters, children, and servants knelt down, all
taking their regular places. It was Madeleine's turn to read the
prayers. The dear child said them in her childish voice, the ingenuous
tones of which rose clear in the harmonious silence of the country,
and gave to the words the candor of holy innocence, the grace of
angels. It was the most affecting prayer I ever heard. Nature replied
to the child's voice with the myriad murmurs of the coming night, like
the low accompaniment of an organ lightly touched, Madeleine was on
the right of the countess, Jacques on her left. The graceful curly
heads, between which rose the smooth braids of the mother, and above
all three the perfectly white hair and yellow cranium of the father,
made a picture which repeated, in some sort, the ideas aroused by the
melody of the prayer. As if to fulfil all conditions of the unity
which marks the sublime, this calm and collected group were bathed in
the fading light of the setting sun; its red tints coloring the room,
impelling the soul--be it poetic or superstitious--to believe that the
fires of heaven were visiting these faithful servants of God as they
knelt there without distinction of rank, in the equality which heaven
demands. Thinking back to the days of the patriarchs my mind still
further magnified this scene, so grand in its simplicity.

The children said good-night, the servants bowed, the countess went
away holding a child by each hand, and I returned to the salon with
the count.

"We provide you with salvation there, and hell here," he said,
pointing to the backgammon-board.

The countess returned in half an hour, and brought her frame near the
table.

"This is for you," she said, unrolling the canvas; "but for the last
three months it has languished. Between that rose and this heartsease
my poor child was ill."

"Come, come," said Monsieur de Mortsauf, "don't talk of that any more.
Six--five, emissary of the king!"

When alone in my room I hushed my breathing that I might hear her
passing to and fro in hers. She was calm and pure, but I was lashed
with maddening ideas. "Why should she not be mine?" I thought;
"perhaps she is, like me, in this whirlwind of agitation." At one
o'clock, I went down, walking noiselessly, and lay before her door.
With my ear pressed to a chink I could hear her equable, gentle
breathing, like that of a child. When chilled to the bone I went back
to bed and slept tranquilly till morning. I know not what prenatal
influence, what nature within me, causes the delight I take in going
to the brink of precipices, sounding the gulf of evil, seeking to know
its depths, feeling its icy chill, and retreating in deep emotion.
That hour of night passed on the threshold of her door where I wept
with rage,--though she never knew that on the morrow her foot had trod
upon my tears and kisses, on her virtue first destroyed and then
respected, cursed and adored,--that hour, foolish in the eyes of many,
was nevertheless an inspiration of the same mysterious impulse which
impels the soldier. Many have told me they have played their lives
upon it, flinging themselves before a battery to know if they could
escape the shot, happy in thus galloping into the abyss of
probabilities, and smoking like Jean Bart upon the gunpowder.

The next day I went to gather flowers and made two bouquets. The count
admired them, though generally nothing of the kind appealed to him.
The clever saying of Champcenetz, "He builds dungeons in Spain,"
seemed to have been made for him.

I spent several days at Clochegourde, going but seldom to Frapesle,
where, however, I dined three times. The French army now occupied
Tours. Though my presence was health and strength to Madame de
Mortsauf, she implored me to make my way to Chateauroux, and so round
by Issoudun and Orleans to Paris with what haste I could. I tried to
resist; but she commanded me, saying that my guardian angel spoke. I
obeyed. Our farewell was, this time, dim with tears; she feared the
allurements of the life I was about to live. Is it not a serious thing
to enter the maelstrom of interests, passions, and pleasures which
make Paris a dangerous ocean for chaste love and purity of conscience?
I promised to write to her every night, relating the events and
thoughts of the day, even the most trivial. When I gave the promise
she laid her head on my shoulder and said: "Leave nothing out;
everything will interest me."

She gave me letters for the duke and duchess, which I delivered the
second day after my return.

"You are in luck," said the duke; "dine here to-day, and go with me
this evening to the Chateau; your fortune is made. The king spoke of
you this morning, and said, 'He is young, capable, and trustworthy.'
His Majesty added that he wished he knew whether you were living or
dead, and in what part of France events had thrown you after you had
executed your mission so ably."

That night I was appointed master of petitions to the council of
State, and I also received a private and permanent place in the
employment of Louis XVIII. himself,--a confidential position, not
highly distinguished, but without any risks, a position which put me
at the very heart of the government and has been the source of all my
subsequent prosperity. Madame de Mortsauf had judged rightly. I now
owed everything to her; power and wealth, happiness and knowledge; she
guided and encouraged me, purified my heart, and gave to my will that
unity of purpose without which the powers of youth are wasted. Later I
had a colleague; we each served six months. We were allowed to supply
each other's place if necessary; we had rooms at the Chateau, a
carriage, and large allowances for travelling when absent on missions.
Strange position! We were the secret disciples of a monarch in a
policy to which even his enemies have since done signal justice; alone
with us he gave judgment on all things, foreign and domestic, yet we
had no legitimate influence; often we were consulted like Laforet by
Moliere, and made to feel that the hesitations of long experience were
confirmed or removed by the vigorous perceptions of youth.

In other respects my future was secured in a manner to satisfy
ambition. Beside my salary as master of petitions, paid by the budget
of the council of State, the king gave me a thousand francs a month
from his privy purse, and often himself added more to it. Though the
king knew well that no young man of twenty-three could long bear up
under the labors with which he loaded me, my colleague, now a peer of
France, was not appointed till August, 1817. The choice was a
difficult one; our functions demanded so many capabilities that the
king was long in coming to a decision. He did me the honor to ask
which of the young men among whom he was hesitating I should like for
an associate. Among them was one who had been my school-fellow at
Lepitre's; I did not select him. His Majesty asked why.

"The king," I replied, "chooses men who are equally faithful, but
whose capabilities differ. I choose the one whom I think the most
able, certain that I shall always be able to get on with him."

My judgment coincided with that of the king, who was pleased with the
sacrifice I had made. He said on this occasion, "You are to be the
chief"; and he related these circumstances to my colleague, who
became, in return for the service I had done him, my good friend. The
consideration shown to me by the Duc de Lenoncourt set the tone of
that which I met with in society. To have it said, "The king takes an
interest in the young man; that young man has a future, the king likes
him," would have served me in place of talents; and it now gave to the
kindly welcome accorded to youth a certain respect that is only given
to power. In the salon of the Duchesse de Lenoncourt and also at the
house of my sister who had just married the Marquis de Listomere, son
of the old lady in the Ile St. Louis, I gradually came to know the
influential personages of the Faubourg St. Germain.

Henriette herself put me at the heart of the circle then called "le
Petit Chateau" by the help of her great-aunt, the Princesse de
Blamont-Chauvry, to whom she wrote so warmly in my behalf that the
princess immediately sent for me. I cultivated her and contrived to
please her, and she became, not my protectress but a friend, in whose
kindness there was something maternal. The old lady took pains to make
me intimate with her daughter Madame d'Espard, with the Duchesse de
Langeais, the Vicomtesse de Beauseant, and the Duchesse de
Maufrigneuse, women who held the sceptre of fashion, and who were all
the more gracious to me because I made no pretensions and was always
ready to be useful and agreeable to them. My brother Charles, far from
avoiding me, now began to lean upon me; but my rapid success roused a
secret jealousy in his mind which in after years caused me great
vexation. My father and mother, surprised by a triumph so unexpected,
felt their vanity flattered, and received me at last as a son. But
their feeling was too artificial, I might say false, to let their
present treatment have much influence upon a sore heart. Affectations
stained with selfishness win little sympathy; the heart abhors
calculations and profits of all kinds.

I wrote regularly to Henriette, who answered by two letters a month.
Her spirit hovered over me, her thoughts traversed space and made the
atmosphere around me pure. No woman could captivate me. The king
noticed my reserve, and as, in this respect, he belonged to the school
of Louis XV., he called me, in jest, Mademoiselle de Vandenesse; but
my conduct pleased him. I am convinced that the habit of patience I
acquired in my childhood and practised at Clochegourde had much to do
in my winning the favor of the king, who was always most kind to me.
He no doubt took a fancy to read my letters, for he soon gave up his
notion of my life as that of a young girl. One day when the duke was
on duty, and I was writing at the king's dictation, the latter
suddenly remarked, in that fine, silvery voice of his, to which he
could give, when he chose, the biting tone of epigram:--

"So that poor devil of a Mortsauf persists in living?"

"Yes," replied the duke.

"Madame de Mortsauf is an angel, whom I should like to see at my
court," continued the king; "but if I cannot manage it, my chancellor
here," turning to me, "may be more fortunate. You are to have six
months' leave; I have decided on giving you the young man we spoke of
yesterday as colleague. Amuse yourself at Clochegourde, friend Cato!"
and he laughed as he had himself wheeled out of the room.

I flew like a swallow to Touraine. For the first time I was to show
myself to my beloved, not merely a little less insignificant, but
actually in the guise of an elegant young man, whose manners had been
formed in the best salons, his education finished by gracious women;
who had found at last a compensation for all his sufferings, and had
put to use the experience given to him by the purest angel to whom
heaven had ever committed the care of a child. You know how my mother
had equipped me for my three months' visit at Frapesle. When I reached
Clochegourde after fulfilling my mission in Vendee, I was dressed like
a huntsman; I wore a jacket with white and red buttons, striped
trousers, leathern gaiters and shoes. Tramping through underbrush had
so injured my clothes that the count was obliged to lend me linen. On
the present occasion, two years' residence in Paris, constant
intercourse with the king, the habits of a life at ease, my completed
growth, a youthful countenance, which derived a lustre from the
placidity of the soul within magnetically united with the pure soul
that beamed on me from Clochegourde,--all these things combined had
transformed me. I was self-possessed without conceit, inwardly pleased
to find myself, in spite of my years, at the summit of affairs; above
all, I had the consciousness of being secretly the support and comfort
of the dearest woman on earth, and her unuttered hope. Perhaps I felt
a flutter of vanity as the postilions cracked their whips along the
new avenue leading from the main road to Clochegourde and through an
iron gate I had never seen before, which opened into a circular
enclosure recently constructed. I had not written to the countess of
my coming, wishing to surprise her. For this I found myself doubly in
fault: first, she was overwhelmed with the excitement of a pleasure
long desired, but supposed to be impossible; and secondly, she proved
to me that all such deliberate surprises are in bad taste.

When Henriette saw a young man in him who had hitherto seemed but a
child to her, she lowered her eyes with a sort of tragic slowness. She
allowed me to take and kiss her hand without betraying her inward
pleasure, which I nevertheless felt in her sensitive shiver. When she
raised her face to look at me again, I saw that she was pale.

"Well, you don't forget your old friends?" said Monsieur de Mortsauf,
who had neither changed nor aged.

The children sprang upon me. I saw them behind the grave face of the
Abbe Dominis, Jacques' tutor.

"No," I replied, "and in future I am to have six months' leave, which
will always be spent here--Why, what is the matter?" I said to the
countess, putting my arm round her waist and holding her up in
presence of them all.

"Oh, don't!" she said, springing away from me; "it is nothing."

I read her mind, and answered to its secret thought by saying, "Am I
not allowed to be your faithful slave?"

She took my arm, left the count, the children, and the abbe, and led
me to a distance on the lawn, though still within sight of the others;
then, when sure that her voice could not be heard by them, she spoke.

"Felix, my dear friend," she said, "forgive my fears; I have but one
thread by which to guide me in the labyrinth of life, and I dread to
see it broken. Tell me that I am more than ever Henriette to you, that
you will never abandon me, that nothing shall prevail against me, that
you will ever be my devoted friend. I have suddenly had a glimpse into
my future, and you were not there, as hitherto, your eyes shining and
fixed upon me--"

"Henriette! idol whose worship is like that of the Divine,--lily,
flower of my life, how is it that you do not know, you who are my
conscience, that my being is so fused with yours that my soul is here
when my body is in Paris? Must I tell you that I have come in
seventeen hours, that each turn of the wheels gathered thoughts and
desires in my breast, which burst forth like a tempest when I saw
you?"

"Yes, tell me! tell me!" she cried; "I am so sure of myself that I can
hear you without wrong. God does not will my death. He sends you to me
as he sends his breath to his creatures; as he pours the rain of his
clouds upon a parched earth,--tell me! tell me! Do you love me
sacredly?"

"Sacredly."

"For ever?"

"For ever."

"As a virgin Mary, hidden behind her veil, beneath her white crown."

"As a virgin visible."

"As a sister?"

"As a sister too dearly loved."

"With chivalry and without hope?"

"With chivalry and with hope."

"As if you were still twenty years of age, and wearing that absurd
blue coat?"

"Oh better far! I love you thus, and I also love you"--she looked at
me with keen apprehension--"as you loved your aunt."

"I am happy! You dispel my terrors," she said, returning towards the
family, who were surprised at our private conference. "Be still a
child at Clochegourde--for you are one still. It may be your policy to
be a man with the king, but here, let me tell you, monsieur, your best
policy is to remain a child. As a child you shall be loved. I can
resist a man, but to a child I can refuse nothing, nothing! He can ask
for nothing I will not give him.--Our secrets are all told," she said,
looking at the count with a mischievous air, in which her girlish,
natural self reappeared. "I leave you now; I must go and dress."

Never for three years had I heard her voice so richly happy. For the
first time I heard those swallow cries, the infantile notes of which I
told you. I had brought Jacques a hunting outfit, and for Madeleine a
work-box--which her mother afterwards used. The joy of the two
children, delighted to show their presents to each other, seemed to
annoy the count, always dissatisfied when attention was withdrawn from
himself. I made a sign to Madeleine and followed her father, who
wanted to talk to me of his ailments.

"My poor Felix," he said, "you see how happy and well they all are. I
am the shadow on the picture; all their ills are transferred to me,
and I bless God that it is so. Formerly I did not know what was the
matter with me; now I know. The orifice of my stomach is affected; I
can digest nothing."

"How do you come to be as wise as the professor of a medical school?"
I asked, laughing. "Is your doctor indiscreet enough to tell you such
things?"

"God forbid I should consult a doctor," he cried, showing the aversion
most imaginary invalids feel for the medical profession.

I now listened to much crazy talk, in the course of which he made the
most absurd confidences,--complained of his wife, of the servants, of
the children, of life, evidently pleased to repeat his daily speeches
to a friend who, not having heard them daily, might be alarmed, and
who at any rate was forced to listen out of politeness. He must have
been satisfied, for I paid him the utmost attention, trying to
penetrate his inconceivable nature, and to guess what new tortures he
had been inflicting on his wife, of which she had not written to me.
Henriette presently put an end to the monologue by appearing in the
portico. The count saw her, shook his head, and said to me: "You
listen to me, Felix; but here no one pities me."

He went away, as if aware of the constraint he imposed on my
intercourse with Henriette, or perhaps from a really chivalrous
consideration for her, knowing he could give her pleasure by leaving
us alone. His character exhibited contradictions that were often
inexplicable; he was jealous, like all weak beings, but his confidence
in his wife's sanctity was boundless. It may have been the sufferings
of his own self-esteem, wounded by the superiority of that lofty
virtue, which made him so eager to oppose every wish of the poor
woman, whom he braved as children brave their masters or their
mothers.

Jacques was taking his lessons, and Madeleine was being dressed; I had
therefore a whole hour to walk with the countess alone on the terrace.

"Dear angel!" I said, "the chains are heavier, the sands hotter, the
thorns grow apace."

"Hush!" she said, guessing the thoughts my conversation with the count
had suggested. "You are here, and all is forgotten! I don't suffer; I
have never suffered."

She made a few light steps as if to shake her dress and give to the
breeze its ruches of snowy tulle, its floating sleeves and fresh
ribbons, the laces of her pelerine, and the flowing curls of her
coiffure a la Sevigne; I saw her for the first time a young girl,--gay
with her natural gaiety, ready to frolic like a child. I knew then the
meaning of tears of happiness; I knew the joy a man feels in bringing
happiness to another.

"Sweet human flower, wooed by my thought, kissed by my soul, oh my
lily!" I cried, "untouched, untouchable upon thy stem, white, proud,
fragrant, and solitary--"

"Enough, enough," she said, smiling. "Speak to me of yourself; tell me
everything."

Then, beneath the swaying arch of quivering leaves, we had a long
conversation, filled with interminable parentheses, subjects taken,
dropped, and retaken, in which I told her my life and my occupations;
I even described my apartment in Paris, for she wished to know
everything; and (happiness then unappreciated) I had nothing to
conceal. Knowing thus my soul and all the details of a daily life full
of incessant toil, learning the full extent of my functions, which to
any one not sternly upright offered opportunities for deception and
dishonest gains, but which I had exercised with such rigid honor that
the king, I told her, called me Mademoiselle de Vandenesse, she seized
my hand and kissed it, and dropped a tear, a tear of joy, upon it.

This sudden transposition of our roles, this homage, coupled with the
thought--swiftly expressed but as swiftly comprehended--"Here is the
master I have sought, here is my dream embodied!" all that there was
of avowal in the action, grand in its humility, where love betrayed
itself in a region forbidden to the senses,--this whirlwind of
celestial things fell on my heart and crushed it. I felt myself too
small; I wished to die at her feet.

"Ah!" I said, "you surpass us in all things. Can you doubt me?--for
you did doubt me just now, Henriette."

"Not now," she answered, looking at me with ineffable tenderness,
which, for a moment, veiled the light of her eyes. "But seeing you so
changed, so handsome, I said to myself, 'Our plans for Madeleine will
be defeated by some woman who will guess the treasures in his heart;
she will steal our Felix, and destroy all happiness here.'"

"Always Madeleine!" I replied. "Is it Madeleine to whom I am
faithful?"

We fell into a silence which Monsieur de Mortsauf inconveniently
interrupted. I was forced to keep up a conversation bristling with
difficulties, in which my honest replies as to the king's policy
jarred with the count's ideas, and he forced me to explain again and
again the king's intentions. In spite of all my questions as to his
horses, his agricultural affairs, whether he was satisfied with his
five farms, whether he meant to cut the timber of the old avenue, he
returned to the subject of politics with the pestering faculty of an
old maid and the persistency of a child. Minds like his prefer to dash
themselves against the light; they return again and again and hum
about it without ever getting into it, like those big flies which
weary our ears as they buzz upon the glass.

Henriette was silent. To stop the conversation, in which I feared my
young blood might take fire, I answered in monosyllables, mostly
acquiescent, avoiding discussion; but Monsieur de Mortsauf had too
much sense not to perceive the meaning of my politeness. Presently he
was angry at being always in the right; he grew refractory, his
eyebrows and the wrinkles of his forehead worked, his yellow eyes
blazed, his rufous nose grew redder, as it did on the day I first
witnessed an attack of madness. Henriette gave me a supplicating look,
making me understand that she could not employ on my behalf an
authority to which she had recourse to protect her children. I at once
answered the count seriously, taking up the political question, and
managing his peevish spirit with the utmost care.

"Poor dear! poor dear!" she murmured two or three times; the words
reaching my ear like a gentle breeze. When she could intervene with
success she said, interrupting us, "Let me tell you, gentlemen, that
you are very dull company."

Recalled by this conversation to his chivalrous sense of what was due
to a woman, the count ceased to talk politics, and as we bored him in
our turn by commonplace matters, he presently left us to continue our
walk, declaring that it made his head spin to go round and round on
the same path.

My sad conjectures were true. The soft landscape, the warm atmosphere,
the cloudless skies, the soothing poetry of this valley, which for
fifteen years had calmed the stinging fancies of that diseased mind,
were now impotent. At a period of life when the asperities of other
men are softened and their angles smoothed, the disposition of this
man became more and more aggressive. For the last few months he had
taken a habit of contradicting for the sake of contradiction, without
reason, without even trying to justify his opinions; he insisted on
knowing the why and the wherefore of everything; grew restless under a
delay or an omission; meddled with every item of the household
affairs, and compelled his wife and the servants to render him the
most minute and fatiguing account of all that was done; never allowing
them the slightest freedom of action. Formerly he did not lose his
temper except for some special reason; now his irritation was
constant. Perhaps the care of his farms, the interests of agriculture,
an active out-door life had formerly soothed his atrabilious temper by
giving it a field for its uneasiness, and by furnishing employment for
his activity. Possibly the loss of such occupation had allowed his
malady to prey upon itself; no longer exercised on matters without, it
was showing itself in more fixed ideas; the moral being was laying
hold of the physical being. He had lately become his own doctor; he
studied medical books, fancied he had the diseases he read of, and
took the most extraordinary and unheard of precautions about his
health,--precautions never the same, impossible to foresee, and
consequently impossible to satisfy. Sometimes he wanted no noise;
then, when the countess had succeeded in establishing absolute
silence, he would declare he was in a tomb, and blame her for not
finding some medium between incessant noise and the stillness of La
Trappe. Sometimes he affected a perfect indifference for all earthly
things. Then the whole household breathed freely; the children played;
family affairs went on without criticism. Suddenly he would cry out
lamentably, "They want to kill me!--My dear," he would say to his
wife, increasing the injustice of his words by the aggravating tones
of his sharp voice, "if it concerned your children you would know very
well what was the matter with them."

He dressed and re-dressed himself incessantly, watching every change
of temperature, and doing nothing without consulting the barometer.
Notwithstanding his wife's attentions, he found no food to suit him,
his stomach being, he said, impaired, and digestion so painful as to
keep him awake all night. In spite of this he ate, drank, digested,
and slept, in a manner to satisfy any doctor. His capricious will
exhausted the patience of the servants, accustomed to the beaten track
of domestic service and unable to conform to the requirements of his
conflicting orders. Sometimes he bade them keep all the windows open,
declaring that his health required a current of fresh air; a few days
later the fresh air, being too hot or too damp, as the case might be,
became intolerable; then he scolded, quarrelled with the servants, and
in order to justify himself, denied his former orders. This defect of
memory, or this bad